Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

While a school of thought holds that exercise is a good way to stay healthy, others believe that a balanced diet is more vital. This essay will first closely scrutinize both views before concluding that I agree with the latter.

Granted, one might argue that having a balanced diet plays an important role for people to stay healthy. This could be attributed to the fact that consuming a variety of nutrient-dense foods, such as fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, could reduce the risk of chronic diseases like heart disease and diabetes. However, this is impractical for people who have limited access to fresh food. Individuals living in rural areas exemplify this assertion as they might have limited access to fresh fruits and vegetables due to the absence of nearby grocery stores or farmers' markets. As a result, it is challenging for them to maintain a balanced diet and remain in good health.

Furthermore, there is a stronger case to be made for exercising to stay healthy. For instance, activities like walking, cycling, or dancing not only help keep the body fit but also boost mood and reduce stress. In fact, people might feel happier and more relaxed throughout the day. Research suggests that people who exercise often have better heart health and stronger bones compared to those who do not. As a result, making exercise a regular part of life can lead to improved physical and mental well-being.

In conclusion, while some people think that maintaining a well-rounded diet holds greater significance, I am convinced that physical activity is crucial for maintaining health. Considering this, people should be given the leeway to do exercise .

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"This essay will first closely scrutinize both views before concluding that I agree with the latter." -> "This essay will first examine both perspectives closely before asserting my agreement with the latter."
Explanation: "Closely scrutinize" is a bit informal for academic writing. "Examine" is a more formal and precise alternative. Additionally, "concluding that I agree" can be refined to "asserting my agreement" for clarity and conciseness.
"Granted, one might argue that having a balanced diet plays an important role for people to stay healthy." -> "Admittedly, one might argue that maintaining a balanced diet is crucial for maintaining good health."
Explanation: "Granted" is often used conversationally but may not be the best fit for academic writing. "Admittedly" serves as a more appropriate transition. "Plays an important role" can be substituted with "is crucial" for a stronger statement.
"This could be attributed to the fact that consuming a variety of nutrient-dense foods, such as fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, could reduce the risk of chronic diseases like heart disease and diabetes." -> "This can be attributed to the fact that consuming a variety of nutrient-dense foods, such as fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, can mitigate the risk of chronic diseases such as heart disease and diabetes."
Explanation: The repetition of "could" and "could" makes the sentence less precise. Replacing the second "could" with "can" creates better flow and clarity. "Mitigate" is a slightly more formal term than "reduce" and conveys the idea more precisely.
"However, this is impractical for people who have limited access to fresh food." -> "However, this is impractical for individuals with restricted access to fresh food."
Explanation: "People" can be replaced with "individuals" for a more formal tone. "Limited access" can be enhanced to "restricted access" for a stronger statement.
"Furthermore, there is a stronger case to be made for exercising to stay healthy." -> "Moreover, a more compelling argument can be made for the importance of exercise in maintaining health."
Explanation: "Furthermore" can be substituted with "Moreover" for variety. "There is a stronger case to be made" can be replaced with "a more compelling argument can be made" for a more sophisticated expression.
"In fact, people might feel happier and more relaxed throughout the day." -> "Indeed, individuals may experience increased happiness and relaxation throughout the day."
Explanation: "In fact" can be replaced with "Indeed" for a more formal tone. "People" can be replaced with "individuals" for consistency.
"Considering this, people should be given the leeway to do exercise." -> "Given these considerations, individuals should have the freedom to engage in physical activity."
Explanation: "Considering this" can be replaced with "Given these considerations" for clarity. "Leeway" can be substituted with "freedom" for a more formal tone, and "do exercise" can be refined to "engage in physical activity" for precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the importance of exercise and a balanced diet in maintaining health. It acknowledges that some people prioritize exercise while others emphasize a balanced diet, and the author provides examples and reasoning for both perspectives.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both viewpoints, it could enhance its analysis by delving deeper into the benefits and drawbacks of each approach. Additionally, providing more specific examples or statistics to support the discussion would strengthen the argumentation.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring exercise for maintaining health. This stance is maintained consistently throughout the essay, with the author expressing agreement with the importance of physical activity over a balanced diet.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the author could explicitly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion. Additionally, reinforcing this position with stronger reasoning or evidence would solidify the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the importance of both exercise and a balanced diet, elaborating on each with relevant examples. However, the elaboration on the benefits of exercise is more extensive, with specific activities and their associated health benefits discussed.
- How to improve: To improve balance, the author could provide more detailed examples or explanations for the benefits of a balanced diet. Additionally, incorporating evidence from reputable sources to support the claims would strengthen the argumentation.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the importance of exercise and a balanced diet for health. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as when discussing the challenges of maintaining a balanced diet in rural areas.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central topic of the importance of exercise and a balanced diet for health. Avoiding tangential discussions, like the challenges of accessing fresh food in rural areas, would help maintain coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, there are opportunities for improvement in providing more comprehensive analysis, reinforcing the chosen stance, balancing the discussion of ideas, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic throughout. With these enhancements, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a clear organization, with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint, and a conclusion. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, with the first body paragraph discussing the importance of a balanced diet and the second body paragraph focusing on the benefits of exercise. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, in transitioning from discussing the importance of a balanced diet to the benefits of exercise, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could be used to signal the shift in focus.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas. Each paragraph presents a distinct argument or point of view, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, some paragraphs could benefit from further development to fully explore the ideas presented.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph is adequately developed to provide sufficient support for the main idea. This could involve including additional examples, explanations, or evidence to strengthen the argument. For instance, in the paragraph discussing the importance of a balanced diet, elaborating on the health benefits of specific nutrient-rich foods could enhance the effectiveness of the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Granted," "Furthermore," "In conclusion") and pronouns ("this," "it"), to connect ideas and create coherence. These devices help guide the reader through the essay and reinforce the relationship between different points.
- How to improve: While the essay already uses cohesive devices effectively, incorporating a wider range of transitions and cohesive markers could further strengthen coherence. Experiment with different transitional phrases and connectors to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "school of thought," "vital," "assertion," "well-being," and "leeway." Additionally, it employs various synonyms and phrases to express ideas, enhancing lexical diversity.
- How to improve: While the essay displays a good vocabulary breadth, there’s room to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary to further enrich expression. Introducing domain-specific terminology related to health and fitness could enhance precision and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision, such as "maintaining a balanced diet," "boost mood," and "physical activity." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as using "well-rounded diet" instead of "balanced diet" to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider using more specific and contextually appropriate terms. For instance, instead of "people," use descriptors like "individuals," "populace," or "society" to add nuance and depth to the discussion.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. There are no glaring spelling errors that detract from readability or comprehension.
- How to improve: To maintain spelling accuracy, it’s advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words or those prone to typographical errors. Additionally, utilizing spelling and grammar check tools can help catch any overlooked mistakes and ensure a polished final draft.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It utilizes simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively. For instance, it employs compound sentences to present contrasting ideas ("While a school of thought holds… more vital"), and complex sentences to provide detailed explanations and examples ("Individuals living in rural areas exemplify this assertion…"). Additionally, the use of introductory phrases ("Granted, one might argue…") adds complexity and coherence to the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating rhetorical devices such as parallelism, inversion, or apposition. For instance, instead of straightforwardly stating the main points, experiment with different ways of presenting them to engage the reader more effectively.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy with minimal errors. Most sentences are well-structured and free from grammatical mistakes. However, there are a few instances where articles are missing or misplaced, such as "making exercise a regular part of life can lead to improved physical and mental well-being" where "the" before "exercise" would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to articles, prepositions, and verb tense consistency. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch any minor errors and ensure the highest level of grammatical accuracy. Additionally, consider utilizing punctuation marks such as semicolons and colons to enhance sentence variety and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

While one school of thought advocates for exercise as a means to maintain good health, others prioritize the importance of a balanced diet. This essay will initially examine both perspectives before affirming my agreement with the latter.

Admittedly, some argue that maintaining a balanced diet is crucial for good health. This can be attributed to the fact that consuming a variety of nutrient-rich foods, such as fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, can mitigate the risk of chronic diseases like heart disease and diabetes. However, this proves challenging for individuals with limited access to fresh food. For instance, those residing in rural areas may struggle to access fresh produce due to a lack of nearby grocery stores or farmers’ markets, thus hindering their ability to maintain a balanced diet and preserve good health.

Moreover, a more compelling argument can be made for the importance of exercise in maintaining health. Engaging in activities such as walking, cycling, or dancing not only helps keep the body fit but also enhances mood and reduces stress. Research indicates that regular exercise contributes to better heart health and stronger bones. Consequently, integrating exercise into one’s daily routine can lead to improved physical and mental well-being.

In conclusion, while some advocate for the significance of a well-rounded diet, I am persuaded that physical activity is essential for maintaining health. Given these considerations, individuals should have the freedom to engage in regular exercise.