Some people think that newspapers are the best way to get news. However, others believe that they can get news better through other media platforms.

Some people think that newspapers are the best way to get news.
However, others believe that they can get news better through other
media platforms.

It is sometimes argued that the newspaper is the most common way to get the news while this could be true to a certain extent. I believe media platforms that might be the better option for reader to approach the information

Clearly, there are several benefits that humans can gain through using the newspaper. Firstly, reading the newspaper is the traditional habit of most of the elderly who buy it every early morning. The main reason why the old generation is keen on this is because they can touch the paper and read directly, it led to the inspiration of broadening their mind. Secondly, all information that is printed in the newspaper, which has been verified by the government. As a result, the magazine earns a great reputation from the citizens and they do believe that the news there is reliable.

On the other hand, the argument that other media platforms probably do better than the traditional one. In a digital world, it is reasonable to some extent that some people choose to read online, with their personal devices, they easily access and look for the news. For another reason, the online news does not limit the number of information that you want to explore, specially, users access a huge storage og news in just a few clicks. This is particularly the case for the student who wants to look for international information or knowledge that supports their academics .

In conclusion, I partly agree that the media platforms are able to do its work effectively in some areas not beyond the newspaper.Depend on the user’s deman, they can choose for them the best option to get the news

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "while this could be true to a certain extent" -> "while this assertion holds some validity"
   Explanation: The original phrase is vague and lacks precision. "Assertion holds some validity" conveys a stronger academic tone and clarity about the claim being discussed.

2. "media platforms that might be the better option for reader to approach the information" -> "media platforms that might offer a superior approach to accessing information"
   Explanation: The phrase "better option for reader to approach the information" is awkward. Replacing it with "offer a superior approach to accessing information" maintains formality and clarity.

3. "Clearly, there are several benefits that humans can gain through using the newspaper." -> "There are distinct advantages to be gained from using newspapers."
   Explanation: Simplifying "several benefits that humans can gain through using the newspaper" to "distinct advantages to be gained from using newspapers" maintains formality while enhancing clarity.

4. "The main reason why the old generation is keen on this is because they can touch the paper and read directly, it led to the inspiration of broadening their mind." -> "The primary reason the older generation prefers this medium is the tactile experience it offers, contributing to broadening their minds."
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks coherence and clarity. Restructuring it provides a clearer and more concise explanation.

5. "Secondly, all information that is printed in the newspaper, which has been verified by the government." -> "Additionally, the newspaper content undergoes governmental verification, ensuring its reliability."
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision. Reframing it clarifies that the information in newspapers is verified by the government for credibility.

6. "In a digital world, it is reasonable to some extent that some people choose to read online, with their personal devices, they easily access and look for the news." -> "In a digital era, it is understandable that individuals opt for online reading, accessing news conveniently through personal devices."
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks cohesion and clarity. The revised version maintains formality while presenting the idea more coherently.

7. "For another reason, the online news does not limit the number of information that you want to explore, specially, users access a huge storage og news in just a few clicks." -> "Furthermore, online news offers an abundance of information without limitations, enabling users to access a vast reservoir of news with just a few clicks."
   Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and has awkward phrasing. The revised version enhances clarity and maintains a formal tone.

8. "This is particularly the case for the student who wants to look for international information or knowledge that supports their academics." -> "This is especially relevant for students seeking international information or academic support."
   Explanation: The revised sentence is more concise and formal, expressing the idea more clearly.

9. "I partly agree that the media platforms are able to do its work effectively in some areas not beyond the newspaper." -> "I partially concur that media platforms are effective in certain aspects but do not surpass newspapers overall."
   Explanation: The revision provides a more nuanced and precise expression of the idea, maintaining a formal tone.

10. "Depend on the user’s deman, they can choose for them the best option to get the news." -> "Depending on the user’s demands, they can select the optimal news source."
    Explanation: The revised sentence improves clarity and formality by rephrasing the statement to convey the idea more concisely and accurately.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, acknowledging the benefits of newspapers and media platforms. However, the analysis is limited, and the development of ideas lacks depth. The essay mentions benefits of newspapers for the elderly and the credibility of information but does not thoroughly explore the advantages of media platforms.
  • How to improve: To improve, provide a more comprehensive analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of both newspapers and media platforms. Develop each point with specific examples and elaborate on the significance of the choices people make in accessing news.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay expresses a somewhat unclear position. While it leans towards the idea that media platforms may be better in the digital age, the language is hesitant, and the conclusion suggests a more balanced view.
  • How to improve: Clearly state the position in the introduction and maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay. Use language that reflects confidence in the chosen perspective. The conclusion should reaffirm the stated position without introducing new ideas.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in their development. For example, the benefits of newspapers are briefly mentioned without sufficient elaboration or specific examples. The same is true for the advantages of media platforms.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point. Illustrate the practical implications of using newspapers or media platforms. Develop ideas with relevant and specific supporting details to strengthen the overall argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does stay on the topic but could benefit from a more focused and organized structure. There are instances where ideas are introduced abruptly, affecting the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph should contribute to the overall argument, and transitions between ideas should be smooth. Avoid introducing new points that are not directly related to the main topic.

In conclusion, while the essay addresses the prompt, it can significantly improve by providing more detailed analyses, maintaining a clear position, developing ideas more thoroughly, and ensuring a well-organized structure for better coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present contrasting views on the use of newspapers versus other media platforms for obtaining news. However, the organization lacks coherence due to a fragmented structure. The introduction sets up the debate but lacks clarity in expressing the writer’s viewpoint. The body paragraphs discuss benefits of newspapers and advantages of digital platforms but lack a clear transition or connection between them. The conclusion attempts to summarize but falls short in offering a cohesive closure to the essay’s arguments.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider a more structured approach. Begin with a clear thesis statement in the introduction outlining your stance. Each body paragraph should focus on a specific aspect (e.g., benefits of newspapers, advantages of digital platforms) and transition smoothly between them. Ensure the conclusion restates the thesis and summarizes the key points made in the body paragraphs.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs but lacks consistency and clarity in their structure. Each paragraph should ideally encapsulate a distinct idea or argument, but here, the paragraphs are unevenly developed and lack clear topic sentences. The transition between paragraphs is weak, resulting in disjointed progression of ideas.
  • How to improve: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Develop this idea with supporting evidence or examples. Ensure coherence between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences to connect the preceding and succeeding ideas. Aim for a consistent and balanced paragraph structure throughout the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use some cohesive devices (e.g., "firstly," "on the other hand," "in conclusion") to signal transitions between ideas. However, their usage lacks consistency and depth. More sophisticated cohesive devices such as pronouns, transitional phrases, or conjunctions to link ideas within and between sentences are missing.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a wider variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Utilize pronouns (e.g., "this," "these"), transitional phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "however," "nevertheless"), and conjunctions (e.g., "although," "despite") to establish clearer connections between ideas. Focus on using them effectively and consistently throughout the essay.

Improving coherence and cohesion in your essay involves establishing a clear structure, utilizing well-structured paragraphs, and employing a diverse range of cohesive devices. Practice constructing clearer topic sentences, developing ideas cohesively within paragraphs, and refining transitions between paragraphs for a more coherent and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied words and phrases, but it lacks consistency and depth. For instance, phrases like "the newspaper," "media platforms," "digital world," and "online news" are recurrent without much diversity. However, there are some attempts at variety with phrases like "personal devices" and "huge storage of news."
  • How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, aim for greater diversity in vocabulary. Instead of repetitive phrases like "the newspaper" or "media platforms," explore synonyms or alternative terms. Incorporate specialized vocabulary related to the topic, such as "print media," "electronic publications," or "online news portals." Additionally, try using adjectives or adverbs to provide more nuanced descriptions.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary usage. While the writer attempts to convey ideas, some words lack specificity or are used inaccurately. For instance, the phrase "huge storage of news" could be more precise—perhaps "a vast reservoir of information." Also, the use of "digital world" is quite general and could benefit from a more specific term.
  • How to improve: Aim for precision by using specific and accurate vocabulary. Instead of general terms like "digital world," consider using more precise terms such as "cyberspace," "online sphere," or "digital landscape." Also, when describing the quantity of news available online, employ more descriptive terms like "extensive archives" or "an abundance of information."

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally adequate, with some minor errors present throughout the essay. Words like "og" should be "of," "specially" should be "especially," and "deman" should be "demand."
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission. Utilize spell-check tools or software to identify and rectify spelling errors. Additionally, practice writing regularly and review commonly misspelled words to strengthen spelling skills.

Overall, to improve the Lexical Resource score:

• Diversify vocabulary by exploring synonyms and specialized terms related to the topic.
• Strive for precision by using specific and accurate vocabulary.
• Enhance spelling accuracy through thorough proofreading and regular writing practice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate variety of sentence structures. It employs basic sentence structures and transitions such as "firstly" and "on the other hand." However, there is a lack of complexity in sentence construction, limiting the range of structures. For instance, there is an overreliance on simple sentences.
  • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating complex and compound sentences. Utilize a mix of simple and complex structures to add sophistication to your writing. Vary sentence lengths and structures to create a more engaging and dynamic narrative.

• Use Grammar Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar with minor errors. For example, there is an issue with subject-verb agreement in the sentence "media platforms that might be the better option for the reader to approach the information." Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "it led to the inspiration of broadening their mind," which could be clarified for better coherence.
  • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that pronouns are clear and refer unambiguously to their antecedents. Review and revise sentences that may sound awkward or unclear. Consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and rectify subtle grammatical issues.

• Use Correct Punctuation:

  • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally correct, but there are some areas that need improvement. Commas are occasionally misused or omitted, impacting the clarity of certain sentences. For example, "with their personal devices, they easily access and look for the news" could benefit from a comma after "devices."
  • How to improve: Focus on mastering comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Use commas to enhance clarity, signal pauses, and separate items in a list. Practice identifying situations where commas are needed, and consult grammar resources for guidance. Additionally, consider utilizing other punctuation marks, such as semicolons, to add variety and precision to your writing.

In conclusion, while your essay demonstrates a solid foundation in grammatical range and accuracy, refining sentence structures, addressing minor grammatical errors, and honing punctuation skills will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a debate about whether newspapers remain the primary source of news or if other media platforms might offer a superior approach to accessing information. While this assertion holds some validity, there are distinct advantages to be gained from using newspapers.

The primary reason the older generation prefers this medium is the tactile experience it offers, contributing to broadening their minds. Additionally, the newspaper content undergoes governmental verification, ensuring its reliability.

In a digital era, it is understandable that individuals opt for online reading, accessing news conveniently through personal devices. Furthermore, online news offers an abundance of information without limitations, enabling users to access a vast reservoir of news with just a few clicks. This is especially relevant for students seeking international information or academic support.

I partially concur that media platforms are effective in certain aspects but do not surpass newspapers overall. Depending on the user’s demands, they can select the optimal news source.