Some people think that newspapers are the best way to learn about the news. However, others believe that they can learn the news more
effectively through other media. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Opinions are divided on whether it is better to read up on news on newspapers or other media. While I understand the logic behind the former view, I am still in favor of the latter.
Those who argue for updating information through news coverage may point to the merits of its reliability and its wider cover. The may well believe that the news written by seasoned authors and censored by newspapers offices are more prestigious. This is mainly because trustworthy authors have to adhere to stringent journalists standards, therefore, the readers can be assured while consuming the contents on it. Another possible argument is that these articles provide in-dept analysis and a comprehensive overview of the events shaping the world. Educating in at least bachelor programs and having opportunities to update the world wide latest news thanks to the spreading international networks help the journalists can give a precise and logical contents related to important stories.
Nevertheless, I still believe that news on social media platforms are more advantageous partly because of its accessibility and partly because of its real time update. Regarding the former, people can access to information by a wide range of gadgets and social media sites on a figure click. As a result, person do not face any setbacks to read the news. The second reason is that the news on other media are updated in a short time due to its brevity and immediacy. All the events from various backgrounds and cultures can be shared online in real time without struggling to physical barrier.
In conclusion, it is understandable that the trustworthy and covering more international topics are the reasons why some may argue that the news published on newspapers are beneficial. However, I would take the view that the news uploaded on social platforms are better due to its convenience and its immediacy.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"read up on news" -> "stay informed about current events"
Explanation: The phrase "read up on news" is colloquial. "Stay informed about current events" is a more formal and precise alternative that aligns better with academic style.
"While I understand the logic behind the former view, I am still in favor of the latter." -> "While I acknowledge the rationale supporting the former perspective, I still favor the latter."
Explanation: Replacing "I understand the logic" with "I acknowledge the rationale" adds a touch of formality. Additionally, replacing "view" with "perspective" enhances precision.
"Those who argue for updating information through news coverage may point to the merits of its reliability and its wider cover." -> "Advocates for obtaining information through news coverage may highlight its reliability and extensive coverage."
Explanation: The suggested alternative uses "advocates" for a more formal tone and replaces "merits" with "highlight," which is a more academically suitable term.
"censored by newspapers offices" -> "vetted by editorial offices"
Explanation: "Censored" has a negative connotation, while "vetted" is a more neutral term. Replacing "newspapers offices" with "editorial offices" is more precise and adheres to formal language.
"Trustworthy authors have to adhere to stringent journalists standards, therefore, the readers can be assured while consuming the contents on it." -> "Credible authors must adhere to rigorous journalistic standards; hence, readers can trust the content they consume."
Explanation: The revised sentence separates clauses more effectively and replaces "stringent journalists standards" with "rigorous journalistic standards" for a more precise expression.
"in-dept analysis" -> "in-depth analysis"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "in-dept" to "in-depth" maintains the intended meaning and improves the overall professionalism of the statement.
"Educating in at least bachelor programs" -> "Receiving education in bachelor programs"
Explanation: The suggested change provides a grammatically correct and more formal expression, maintaining clarity.
"spreading international networks help the journalists can give a precise and logical contents related to important stories." -> "Global networks facilitate journalists in delivering precise and logically structured content on significant stories."
Explanation: The revised sentence corrects grammatical errors and enhances clarity, making the statement more academically appropriate.
"person do not face any setbacks to read the news." -> "Individuals do not encounter obstacles when accessing the news."
Explanation: Replacing "person" with "individuals" and using a more formal phrase like "encounter obstacles" improves the overall formality and clarity of the sentence.
"the news on other media" -> "news on alternative media"
Explanation: The suggested change provides a more precise and formal term, avoiding potential confusion with the phrase "other media."
"due to its brevity and immediacy" -> "owing to its conciseness and immediacy"
Explanation: The revised phrase maintains formality and replaces "brevity" with "conciseness" for a more academically suitable term.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively discusses both views on the topic, acknowledging the merits of newspapers but expressing a clear preference for other media. However, the analysis could be more thorough in addressing specific aspects of each view, such as reliability, coverage, accessibility, and real-time updates.
- How to improve: To enhance task response, provide a more nuanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of newspapers and other media. Consider offering specific examples or scenarios to illustrate your points, thereby demonstrating a deeper understanding of the nuances involved.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, favoring other media for news consumption. The position is evident in the introduction, developed in the body paragraphs, and reiterated in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To further strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph is explicitly linked to the overall position. Use topic sentences that clearly convey the essay’s standpoint, allowing readers to follow the argument with ease.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing reliability, wider coverage, accessibility, and real-time updates. However, some points lack development, such as the brief mention of brevity and immediacy in the second paragraph.
- How to improve: Elaborate on key points with specific examples, anecdotes, or data to provide a more in-depth analysis. Strengthen the connections between ideas to ensure a cohesive and well-developed argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but could improve in maintaining focus on the specific advantages and disadvantages of newspapers and other media. There is a brief mention of journalism programs in the first paragraph that could be considered a minor deviation.
- How to improve: Avoid introducing tangential information that does not directly contribute to the discussion of the benefits and drawbacks of newspapers and other media. Stay focused on the prompt to ensure a more tightly knit and coherent essay.
In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear stance, there is room for improvement in providing a more comprehensive analysis, ensuring each point is well-developed, and avoiding minor deviations from the topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of logical organization. There is a discernible introduction that sets up the debate, followed by body paragraphs that present contrasting views. The writer concludes with a concise summary. However, there are instances of unclear connections between ideas, particularly in the transition between the first and second body paragraphs. The progression of ideas within each paragraph is generally coherent, but the overall flow could be improved for better clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining transitions between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph seamlessly leads to the next, providing a clear and natural progression of ideas. Additionally, the introduction could be strengthened by explicitly outlining the two perspectives being discussed.
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs paragraphs effectively, with a clear separation of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence. However, the second paragraph is somewhat convoluted and could benefit from breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible segments. The third paragraph, while discussing advantages, could be more tightly organized for increased clarity.
- How to improve: Break down complex ideas into smaller, more focused segments within the second paragraph. Consider restructuring the third paragraph to present each advantage in a separate, clearly defined sub-section. This will help readers follow the argument more easily.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices to connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices employed. Currently, there is an overreliance on certain linking words (e.g., "however" and "nevertheless"). Adding a variety of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures, would enhance the overall cohesion.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. Ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are not only varied but also contextually appropriate. This will contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive essay.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a reasonably organized structure but would benefit from improved transitions, clearer paragraphing in certain sections, and a more diverse use of cohesive devices. Focusing on these aspects will elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "reliability," "prestigious," "comprehensive," "in-depth analysis," "brevity," and "immediacy." However, there is room for improvement as some vocabulary choices are repetitive and lack variety. For instance, the repeated use of "news" and "media" could be diversified for a more sophisticated expression.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or exploring more nuanced terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "news," incorporate alternatives like "information," "reports," or "updates." Additionally, explore synonyms for "media," such as "channels," "platforms," or "sources," to avoid redundancy.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies throughout the essay. While there are instances of precise language, such as "real-time update" and "in-depth analysis," there are also moments where the vocabulary could be more specific. For example, the phrase "figure click" may not convey the intended meaning clearly.
- How to improve: Focus on using terms that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of "figure click," consider using phrases like "with a simple click" or "at the touch of a button." Be vigilant in choosing words that accurately represent your ideas to enhance overall precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a reasonable level of spelling accuracy. However, there are instances of minor spelling errors, such as "in-dept" (in-depth) and "world wide" (worldwide). These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall spelling accuracy.
- How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spellings, particularly for common terms and phrases. Proofread the essay carefully to catch and correct minor errors. Consider using spelling and grammar check tools to identify and rectify any overlooked mistakes.
In conclusion, while the essay exhibits a satisfactory level of lexical resource, improvements in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy can contribute to achieving a higher band score. Focus on refining word choices, utilizing synonyms, and proofreading carefully to elevate the overall linguistic quality of the essay.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. It includes simple and complex sentences, but there is room for improvement in terms of variety. The essay often relies on basic sentence structures, and some sentences could be more complex and nuanced to enhance overall writing quality.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating a mix of compound and complex sentences. Experiment with different sentence beginnings, lengths, and types to create a more engaging and varied flow. For instance, instead of consistently using straightforward structures, try incorporating relative clauses, appositives, or conditional sentences to add depth and complexity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are instances of errors that impact clarity. For example, "The may well believe" should be corrected to "They may well believe," and "in-dept" should be "in-depth." Additionally, there are some issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "journalists can give a precise," where it should be "journalists can provide precise."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully review subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and word choice. Proofread the essay to catch typographical errors and ensure that sentences are clear and grammatically correct. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-checking tools to identify and rectify potential errors. It’s essential to pay attention to details, as even minor mistakes can affect the overall coherence and professionalism of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
Opinions vary on whether newspapers or other media provide a superior means of staying informed about current events. While I acknowledge the rationale supporting the former perspective, I still favor the latter.
Advocates for obtaining information through news coverage may highlight its reliability and extensive coverage. They may believe that news authored by seasoned journalists and vetted by editorial offices is more prestigious. This is primarily because trustworthy authors must adhere to rigorous journalistic standards; hence, readers can trust the content they consume. Another compelling argument is that these articles provide in-depth analysis and a comprehensive overview of the events shaping the world. Receiving education in bachelor programs and having opportunities to update worldwide news through global networks help journalists deliver precise and logically structured content on significant stories.
Nevertheless, I still believe that news on social media platforms are more advantageous, partly because of its accessibility and partly because of its real-time updates. Regarding the former, people can access information through a wide range of gadgets and social media sites with a simple click. As a result, individuals do not encounter obstacles when accessing the news. The second reason is that news on other media are updated promptly due to their brevity and immediacy. All events from various backgrounds and cultures can be shared online in real-time without struggling with physical barriers.
In conclusion, it is understandable that the reliability and extensive coverage of international topics are reasons why some may argue that news published in newspapers is beneficial. However, I would take the view that news uploaded on social platforms is better due to its convenience and immediacy.