Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In order to achieve success, a number of people argue that it is more important to be strong mentally than physically. While no sportmen can reach the top without the mental qualites of determination and dedication, I would agree that physical strength is the fundemantal for success.
On the one hand, a strong mental attitude is important for all sport trainers. Firstly, if trainers can not foster a competitive spirit or evin a win-at-all-costs attitude, sportpeople who trained may lack the motivation to work hard and succed. In such cases, mental prowess is responsible for building up their resistance to boredom and tiredness while their body is suffering from fatigue.. Secondly, in any sport competition, there will be dissapointments and failures, so it is necessary to be mentally strong to overcome these failures and achieve their goals.
On thes other hand, physical strength is the basic of all success in sport. While many people take up sport to get into shape and keep fit, those who wish to become successful must be physically strong. Obvious example are sports such as weightlifting or boxing. Yet othe sports also demand physical strength for endurance and stamina. Some sports stars, such as the world-famous professional cyclist Lance Armstrong, have even used illegal substances, like performance-enhancing drugs, in order to reach and maintain top physical condition, risking their careers.
In conclusion, although both physical and mental strength are necessary to become successful in sport, it seems to me that it is impossible to suceed without being physically strong.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "sportmen" -> "athletes"
    Explanation: The term "sportmen" is informal; replacing it with "athletes" adds formality and is a more widely accepted term in academic writing.

  2. "mentally" -> "cognitively"
    Explanation: While "mentally" is not incorrect, using "cognitively" adds a more sophisticated touch, aligning with academic style and providing a nuanced expression of mental attributes.

  3. "fundemantal" -> "fundamental"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "fundemantal" to "fundamental" ensures adherence to proper academic language and eliminates a typographical error.

  4. "sport trainers" -> "sports coaches"
    Explanation: "Sport trainers" is less formal, and using "sports coaches" is a more conventional and formal term in academic contexts.

  5. "evin" -> "cultivate"
    Explanation: Replacing "evin" with "cultivate" improves precision and formality in expressing the idea of fostering a competitive spirit.

  6. "succed" -> "succeed"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "succed" to "succeed" eliminates a typographical error and maintains the appropriate level of formality.

  7. "sportpeople" -> "athletes"
    Explanation: Similar to point 1, replacing "sportpeople" with "athletes" enhances the formality of the expression.

  8. "prowess" -> "resilience"
    Explanation: While "prowess" is not incorrect, using "resilience" adds a more nuanced and academically appropriate term to convey the idea of overcoming challenges.

  9. "dissapointments" -> "disappointments"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "dissapointments" to "disappointments" eliminates a typographical error and maintains proper spelling in academic writing.

  10. "succeed" -> "succeeding"
    Explanation: Changing "succeed" to "succeeding" ensures grammatical accuracy in the context of the sentence.

  11. "thes" -> "these"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "thes" to "these" eliminates a typographical error and maintains proper spelling in academic writing.

  12. "basic of all success" -> "foundation for all success"
    Explanation: "Basic of all success" is awkward phrasing; replacing it with "foundation for all success" conveys the idea more clearly and formally.

  13. "Obvious example are" -> "Obvious examples are"
    Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement error by changing "example" to "examples" ensures grammatical accuracy.

  14. "othe" -> "other"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "othe" to "other" eliminates a typographical error and maintains proper spelling in academic writing.

  15. "substances, like" -> "substances such as"
    Explanation: Using "substances such as" is more appropriate in academic writing, adhering to a formal style.

  16. "reach and maintain" -> "attain and maintain"
    Explanation: Replacing "reach and maintain" with "attain and maintain" adds variety to the language and enhances the formality of expression.

  17. "suceed" -> "succeed"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "suceed" to "succeed" eliminates a typographical error and maintains proper spelling in academic writing.

  18. "impossible to suceed" -> "impossible to succeed"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "suceed" to "succeed" ensures proper spelling and maintains the appropriate level of formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives on the importance of physical and mental strength in sports. It discusses the significance of mental strength in fostering a competitive spirit and overcoming disappointments. However, it predominantly emphasizes the importance of physical strength.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure a more balanced discussion of both views. Provide specific examples of sports where mental strength plays a crucial role, reinforcing the argument for its significance.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently advocates for the greater importance of physical strength in sports. The position is clear from the beginning to the end.
    • How to improve: While maintaining a clear stance is essential, consider acknowledging the opposing view more explicitly to demonstrate a nuanced understanding. This can be achieved by briefly acknowledging the importance of mental strength before reinforcing the primary emphasis on physical strength.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but the development and support are somewhat limited. It mentions the importance of mental qualities but lacks specific examples or elaboration. The examples provided for physical strength are relevant but could benefit from additional details.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the essay by providing more detailed examples for both mental and physical strength. Offer specific instances of sports where mental resilience is critical and elaborate on how physical strength contributes to success in various disciplines.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally veers towards a general discussion of sports and physical fitness. This deviation does not significantly impact the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Ensure that examples and discussions remain directly tied to the prompt. Avoid unnecessary details that may distract from the central theme. Be more focused on linking arguments back to the prompt.

In conclusion, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position in favor of physical strength. To improve, it should offer a more balanced discussion of mental strength, provide detailed examples for both perspectives, and maintain a more focused approach to stay directly on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a coherent structure with an introduction, body paragraphs presenting contrasting views, and a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the logical organization. For instance, the second paragraph introduces the importance of mental strength in trainers, but it transitions abruptly to the importance of physical strength without a clear link. This disrupts the flow of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a smooth transition between ideas. Clearly connect the importance of mental strength in trainers to the broader context of mental strength in sports, before shifting focus to physical strength.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness could be improved. The second paragraph, discussing mental strength, lacks a clear topic sentence, making it less cohesive. Additionally, the third paragraph introduces physical strength but does not effectively link back to the overall theme of mental vs. physical strength.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the structure of paragraphs by including clear topic sentences that convey the main idea. Ensure a seamless transition between paragraphs, maintaining a consistent focus on the essay prompt and views presented.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," to present contrasting views. However, the overuse of repetitive phrases, like "mental strength" and "physical strength," hinders variety and affects the essay’s overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to enhance coherence. Synonyms and varied sentence structures can be employed. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas more smoothly. Avoid repetitive language to maintain the reader’s interest.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and use of cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and effective response.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement. The use of terms like "mental qualities," "determination," and "dedication" showcases a decent grasp, yet more variety and complexity could enhance the lexical resource score. For instance, in the second paragraph, terms like "fatigue" and "endurance" contribute to the variety.

    • How to improve: Introduce more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary. Consider incorporating synonyms and more specialized terminology related to sports and mental attributes. For instance, instead of frequently using "mental strength," explore alternatives like "psychological resilience" or "cognitive fortitude."

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage is inconsistent. Some terms, like "physical strength," are used accurately, but there are instances of imprecise language, such as "mental qualites" and "fundemantal." Additionally, the term "sport trainers" might be confusing; the intended meaning is likely "sports trainers."

    • How to improve: Ensure precise usage by avoiding misspelled words like "fundemantal" and clarifying potentially ambiguous terms. Replace imprecise expressions like "mental qualites" with more specific terms like "mental attributes" or "mental qualities." Maintain consistency in using correct terminology, such as "sports trainers" instead of "sport trainers."

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling issues, such as "sportmen" instead of "sportsmen," "evin" instead of "even," "succed" instead of "succeed," and "dissapointments" instead of "disappointments." These errors impact the overall impression of language proficiency.

    • How to improve: Focus on improving spelling accuracy by proofreading the essay carefully. Consider using spell-check tools and reviewing common spelling patterns. Pay attention to frequently misspelled words, as evident in errors like "succed" and "dissapointments." Practicing spelling in the context of sports-related terms can also enhance accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Simple sentences are frequently used, and there is a lack of complexity in sentence construction. For instance, in the opening paragraph, the sentence structure is repetitive, relying on basic structures like "While… than…" and "I would agree that…". Variations in sentence structures, such as compound or complex sentences, are notably absent, impacting the essay’s overall fluency and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating compound and complex sentences. For example, instead of relying solely on simple sentences, try to connect ideas using coordinating conjunctions (e.g., and, but, or) and subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, while, because). This will add depth to your writing and contribute to a more nuanced expression of ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors that affect overall accuracy. For instance, there are spelling mistakes, such as "sportmen" (sportsmen), "fundemantal" (fundamental), and "evince" (evoke). Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "trainers can not" (cannot), and inconsistent use of verb tenses, like "sportpeople who trained" (sportspeople who train). Punctuation marks, such as commas, are often misused or omitted, affecting the clarity of sentences.
    • How to improve: Focus on improving spelling and proofreading to eliminate basic errors. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and maintain consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. Regarding punctuation, review the rules for comma usage, especially in separating clauses and items in a series. A careful proofreading process before submission can significantly improve grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear stance on the importance of physical strength, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy through diverse sentence structures and error correction will contribute to a more polished and effective response.

Bài sửa mẫu

To attain success in sports, some argue that mental strength holds more significance than physical prowess. While the determination and dedication found in athletes’ mental qualities are undeniable, I concur that physical strength forms the fundamental basis for success.

On one hand, a robust mental attitude plays a crucial role in the realm of sports coaching. Trainers must cultivate a competitive spirit and foster a win-at-all-costs mentality to motivate athletes effectively. Mental prowess becomes paramount in building resilience against boredom and tiredness during strenuous training, contributing significantly to the athletes’ success. Furthermore, in the face of disappointments and failures inherent in sports competitions, mental strength becomes a vital asset, empowering athletes to overcome setbacks and pursue their goals.

On the other hand, physical strength serves as the cornerstone for success in all sports. While many individuals engage in sports for fitness, those aspiring for success must possess physical strength. Weightlifting and boxing provide obvious examples where sheer physical strength is essential. Moreover, various sports demand endurance and stamina, necessitating athletes to maintain peak physical condition. Regrettably, some athletes, like the renowned cyclist Lance Armstrong, have resorted to illegal substances, such as performance-enhancing drugs, jeopardizing their careers in their pursuit of top physical form.

In conclusion, while both mental and physical strength are indispensable for success in sports, it is my firm belief that achieving success is virtually impossible without being physically strong. The combination of mental resilience and physical prowess forms an unbeatable foundation for athletes striving to reach the pinnacle of their sports careers.

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