Some people think that the increasingly use a computer and mobile homes in communication has negative effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is a contentious debate about the growing usage of technological gadgets such as mobile phones and computers in terms of communication can afflict the reading and writing skills in young individuals. This author strongly agrees and maintains this opinion due to the negative effects to their eyesights and vocabulary.
It is essential to acknowledge that many young people nowadays have grown an addiction on their digital devices. Due to the fact that they have better access to the internet than in the past, they probably spend the leisure time using computers rather than reaching printed texts.Consequently, long-term exposure to the blue light from mobile phones or computers can weaken eyesights, contributing to the increasing rates of myopia in the young.Furthermore, digital devices have been scientifically proven to be a factor of triggering the deterioration of the youth's attention span, resulting in having a harder time attempting to read
Another critical component to consider is the heavy dependence on certain features of technological gadgets.It is evident that many high school students becomes reliant on word processing software applications which provide electronic tools such as spell checker and grammar when working on assignments on computers.As a consequence, many students start losing their own styles and making more grammatical mistakes in handwriting assignments. Thus, this also means the decline in the youth's creativity and independence, which are crucial traits for future life.
Therefore, the growing use of computers and mobile phones in young people can afflict their writing and reading skills both physically and mentally. Thus, they should try to discipline themselves from wasting time on technological devices.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is a contentious debate" -> "There exists a contentious debate"
Explanation: Adding "exists" provides a more formal and precise expression, aligning better with academic style by emphasizing the objective nature of the debate.
"gadgets such as mobile phones and computers" -> "devices such as mobile phones and computers"
Explanation: "Devices" is a more precise term in this context, as it encompasses a broader range of technological items beyond just "gadgets."
"can afflict the reading and writing skills" -> "can impair the reading and writing skills"
Explanation: "Impair" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "afflict," which can imply a more severe or negative impact.
"due to the negative effects to their eyesights" -> "due to the adverse effects on their eyesight"
Explanation: "Adverse effects on their eyesight" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more precise term, "eyesight," which is the correct singular form.
"many young people nowadays have grown an addiction on their digital devices" -> "many young people today have developed an addiction to their digital devices"
Explanation: "Developed an addiction to" is grammatically correct and more formal than "grown an addiction on." Additionally, "today" is more appropriate than "nowadays" in formal writing.
"they probably spend the leisure time using computers rather than reaching printed texts" -> "they likely spend their leisure time using computers rather than reading printed texts"
Explanation: "Likely" is more formal than "probably," and "reading" is the correct verb for the context, replacing the awkward "reaching."
"weaken eyesights" -> "weaken eyesight"
Explanation: "Eyesight" should be singular to match the singular subject "eyesights."
"the increasing rates of myopia in the young" -> "the rising incidence of myopia among the young"
Explanation: "Rising incidence" is a more precise and formal term than "increasing rates," and "among" is the correct preposition for referring to a group.
"Another critical component to consider is the heavy dependence on certain features of technological gadgets" -> "Another crucial consideration is the excessive reliance on certain features of technological devices"
Explanation: "Crucial consideration" is more formal than "critical component," and "excessive reliance" is a more precise term than "heavy dependence."
"many high school students becomes reliant" -> "many high school students become reliant"
Explanation: Corrects the verb tense to "become" for subject-verb agreement.
"making more grammatical mistakes in handwriting assignments" -> "committing more grammatical errors in handwritten assignments"
Explanation: "Committing more grammatical errors" is a more precise and formal way to describe the mistakes, and "handwritten" is the correct adjective for written work done by hand.
"Thus, this also means the decline in the youth’s creativity and independence" -> "Thus, this also signifies a decline in the youth’s creativity and independence"
Explanation: "Signifies" is a more formal synonym for "means," enhancing the academic tone.
"they should try to discipline themselves from wasting time on technological devices" -> "they should strive to avoid wasting time on technological devices"
Explanation: "Strive to avoid" is more direct and formal than "try to discipline themselves from," and it avoids the awkward construction of "from wasting."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones negatively affects young people’s reading and writing skills. The author provides reasons for this stance, such as the impact on eyesight and vocabulary. However, the response could be more balanced by acknowledging potential counterarguments or benefits of technology in communication, which would provide a more comprehensive view of the issue.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider incorporating a brief discussion of the opposing viewpoint. For example, mention how technology can facilitate access to a wider range of reading materials or improve writing skills through instant feedback. This would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic and address all parts of the question more thoroughly.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that technology has negative effects on reading and writing skills. The use of phrases like "this author strongly agrees" establishes a firm stance. However, the position could be reinforced with more explicit linking phrases that connect the arguments back to the main thesis, ensuring that the reader remains aware of the central argument.
- How to improve: Use transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Moreover" to connect ideas and reinforce the main argument. This will help maintain clarity and guide the reader through the essay’s logic more effectively.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of digital devices on eyesight and the reliance on word processing tools. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For instance, the mention of "deterioration of the youth’s attention span" is introduced but not sufficiently explained or supported with examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, provide more detailed examples or evidence to support each claim. For instance, when discussing the impact of technology on attention spans, consider citing studies or statistics that illustrate this point. Additionally, elaborating on how reliance on technology affects creativity could provide a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the negative effects of technology on reading and writing skills. However, there are moments where the discussion strays slightly, such as when mentioning "eyesights" without clearly linking it back to reading and writing skills. This could confuse the reader about how these points relate to the main argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central thesis. When introducing a new idea, explicitly connect it to how it affects reading and writing skills. For example, when discussing eyesight, clarify how poor eyesight can hinder the ability to read effectively, thereby impacting writing skills as well.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, arguing that the increasing use of technology negatively impacts young people’s reading and writing skills. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs follow a logical progression. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the addiction to digital devices and its physical effects, while the second addresses the reliance on technology for writing tasks. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the connection between the addiction to devices and the deterioration of attention span is implied but not explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the author could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to outline the main idea. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" could help clarify the relationships between points and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the addiction to technology, while the second addresses the reliance on word processing tools. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer separation of ideas, as it combines multiple points about reliance on technology and its effects on creativity and independence without distinct transitions.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the author should ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supporting details. Adding a concluding sentence to each paragraph that summarizes the main point and links it back to the thesis would also strengthen the overall structure. For example, after discussing the reliance on technology, a sentence could be added to reiterate how this reliance contributes to the decline in reading and writing skills.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "due to the fact that," "as a consequence," and "therefore." These phrases help connect ideas and indicate cause and effect. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and the essay could benefit from more varied and sophisticated connectors. For instance, the phrase "this also means" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more formal alternative.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the author should consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," "In contrast," and "On the other hand." Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance cohesion; for example, using relative clauses or participial phrases can create smoother transitions between ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on enhancing logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the author can further improve the coherence and cohesion of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "contentious debate," "technological gadgets," and "deterioration" showcasing some variety. However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks sophistication. For example, the phrase "growing usage" could be enhanced with alternatives like "increasing prevalence" or "rising adoption." Additionally, phrases like "better access" and "digital devices" are used multiple times without variation, which limits lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "digital devices," they could use "electronic devices," "smart technology," or "digital tools." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help in expanding their lexical repertoire.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "afflict the reading and writing skills" is not the most appropriate choice; "affect" would be more suitable. Additionally, "addiction on their digital devices" should be corrected to "addiction to their digital devices." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of word meanings and their correct collocations. Regularly reading high-quality essays or articles can help in recognizing how vocabulary is used in context. Furthermore, practicing writing with a focus on using words correctly in sentences can enhance precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "eyesights" (should be "eyesight"), "becomes" (should be "become"), and "grammatical mistakes in handwriting assignments" (the phrase could be more clearly expressed). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that involves reading the essay multiple times and checking for spelling errors. Utilizing spell-check tools during the writing process can also help catch mistakes. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can lead to improvement over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in vocabulary usage, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By actively working on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "Due to the fact that they have better access to the internet than in the past, they probably spend the leisure time using computers rather than reaching printed texts." showcases an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of simpler structures that could be enhanced, such as "This author strongly agrees and maintains this opinion due to the negative effects to their eyesights and vocabulary," which could be rephrased for greater complexity and clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the author should incorporate more compound and complex sentences. For instance, instead of repeating "many young people" or "students," varying the subjects or using passive constructions could add depth. Additionally, using introductory phrases or clauses can help in creating more sophisticated sentence openings, e.g., "While many young people are engrossed in digital devices, they often overlook the importance of traditional reading."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from its overall clarity. Phrases like "the growing usage of technological gadgets such as mobile phones and computers in terms of communication can afflict the reading and writing skills in young individuals" are overly complex and could be simplified for better understanding. There are also punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For example, "Due to the fact that they have better access to the internet than in the past, they probably spend the leisure time using computers rather than reaching printed texts." lacks a comma before "rather."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the author should focus on subject-verb agreement, as seen in "many high school students becomes reliant," which should be "become." Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading for common errors can help. Additionally, improving punctuation skills by reviewing rules for commas, especially in complex sentences, will aid in clarifying meaning and improving readability.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation will help elevate the writing to a higher band score. Regular practice, feedback, and reading well-structured essays can further enhance these skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a contentious debate about the growing usage of technological gadgets such as mobile phones and computers in terms of communication and how they can afflict the reading and writing skills of young individuals. This author strongly agrees and maintains this opinion due to the negative effects on their eyesight and vocabulary.

It is essential to acknowledge that many young people nowadays have developed an addiction to their digital devices. Due to the fact that they have better access to the internet than in the past, they likely spend their leisure time using computers rather than reading printed texts. Consequently, long-term exposure to the blue light from mobile phones or computers can weaken eyesight, contributing to the increasing rates of myopia among the young. Furthermore, digital devices have been scientifically proven to be a factor in triggering the deterioration of the youth’s attention span, resulting in having a harder time attempting to read.

Another crucial consideration is the excessive reliance on certain features of technological devices. It is evident that many high school students become reliant on word processing software applications, which provide electronic tools such as spell checkers and grammar checkers when working on assignments on computers. As a consequence, many students start losing their own styles and committing more grammatical errors in handwritten assignments. Thus, this also signifies a decline in the youth’s creativity and independence, which are crucial traits for future life.

Therefore, the growing use of computers and mobile phones among young people can afflict their writing and reading skills both physically and mentally. Thus, they should strive to avoid wasting time on technological devices.