Some people think that young people should follow traditions of the society. While other people think that young people should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Some people think that young people should follow traditions of the society. While other people think that young people should be free to behave as individuals.

Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

One school of thought holds that young people should adhere to societal traditions, while others are adamant that individuals should be given the leeway to express themselves freely. This essay will closely examine both viewpoints before concluding that I agree with the latter.

Admittedly, it is understandable why some believe that young people should conform to established traditions. Traditions often embody the collective wisdom and cultural heritage of a society, providing a sense of continuity and national identity. By following these traditions, young people can foster social cohesion and maintain a connection to their cultural roots. For instance, participating in longstanding customs such as festivals and ceremonies can help preserve a community's unique identity as well as promote intergenerational solidarity. Moreover, traditions can offer valuable life lessons and guidance that have been refined over time, potentially helping young people navigate their own lives more effectively.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments, I am convinced that allowing individuals the freedom to behave as they wish is ultimately more advantageous. While traditions provide stability and continuity, they can also stifle personal growth and creativity. Embracing individual freedom allows young people to explore their own interests and perspectives, which can lead to greater innovation and personal satisfaction. For example, many of the world's most significant advancements have arisen from individuals who challenged the status quo and pursued unconventional paths. In contrast, strict adherence to traditions can sometimes hinder progress and prevent the emergence of new ideas. Thus, while traditions offer a sense of belonging, personal freedom fosters a dynamic and adaptable society.

In conclusion, while there are valid reasons for believing that young people should follow societal traditions, I would contend that allowing individuals the freedom to express themselves is more beneficial. Personal autonomy not only enhances individual fulfillment but also drives societal progress and adaptability.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "One school of thought holds" -> "One perspective suggests"
   Explanation: "One perspective suggests" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase, avoiding the colloquial tone of "school of thought."

2. "adhere to societal traditions" -> "comply with societal norms"
   Explanation: "Comply with societal norms" is more specific and formal, focusing on the norms rather than traditions, which can encompass a broader range of cultural practices.

3. "given the leeway" -> "granted the freedom"
   Explanation: "Granted the freedom" is more formal and precise, aligning better with academic language than the colloquial "given the leeway."

4. "closely examine" -> "thoroughly analyze"
   Explanation: "Thoroughly analyze" is a more formal and precise term, suitable for academic writing, compared to the less formal "closely examine."

5. "Admittedly" -> "It is acknowledged"
   Explanation: "It is acknowledged" is a more formal and less conversational way to introduce a concession, fitting the academic style better than "Admittedly."

6. "understandable why" -> "reasonable to believe"
   Explanation: "Reasonable to believe" is more formal and academically appropriate than "understandable why," which is somewhat informal and vague.

7. "conform to established traditions" -> "adhere to established customs"
   Explanation: "Adhere to established customs" is a more precise and formal expression, emphasizing the specific cultural practices being referred to.

8. "foster social cohesion" -> "promote social cohesion"
   Explanation: "Promote" is a more active and formal verb than "foster," which is slightly less common in academic writing.

9. "maintain a connection to their cultural roots" -> "retain a connection to their cultural heritage"
   Explanation: "Retain a connection to their cultural heritage" is a more formal and precise phrase, emphasizing the long-term nature of the connection.

10. "participating in longstanding customs" -> "participating in long-standing customs"
    Explanation: "Long-standing" is the correct adjectival form, enhancing the grammatical accuracy and formality of the sentence.

11. "help preserve a community’s unique identity" -> "aid in preserving a community’s distinct identity"
    Explanation: "Aid in preserving" is more formal and precise, and "distinct" is a more academic term than "unique."

12. "allowing individuals the freedom to behave as they wish" -> "granting individuals the liberty to act as they choose"
    Explanation: "Granting individuals the liberty to act as they choose" is more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "allowing" and "behave as they wish."

13. "ultimately more advantageous" -> "ultimately more beneficial"
    Explanation: "More beneficial" is a more formal and precise term than "more advantageous," which can be seen as slightly colloquial.

14. "stifle personal growth and creativity" -> "inhibit personal growth and creativity"
    Explanation: "Inhibit" is a more precise and formal verb than "stifle," which is slightly informal and less commonly used in academic contexts.

15. "Embracing individual freedom" -> "Embracing individual autonomy"
    Explanation: "Autonomy" is a more precise and formal term than "freedom," aligning better with academic language.

16. "personal freedom fosters a dynamic and adaptable society" -> "personal autonomy fosters a dynamic and adaptable society"
    Explanation: "Autonomy" is again preferred over "freedom" for its formality and specificity in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding whether young people should follow societal traditions or behave as individuals. The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives, and the body paragraphs provide a balanced discussion of each viewpoint. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of adhering to traditions, citing examples such as cultural identity and social cohesion. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing the importance of personal freedom and innovation. The conclusion succinctly reiterates the author’s opinion, aligning with the prompt’s requirement to discuss both views and provide a personal stance.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the response, the essay could incorporate more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the impact of both adherence to traditions and individual expression. This would provide a deeper analysis and strengthen the argument by demonstrating real-world implications of each viewpoint.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring individual freedom over adherence to traditions. The author explicitly states their opinion in the introduction and conclusion, which helps guide the reader through the argument. The use of phrases like "I am convinced" and "I would contend" reinforces the author’s stance. However, there are moments where the language could be more assertive in emphasizing the preference for individual freedom, particularly in the transition between discussing traditions and personal freedom.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and assertiveness, the author could use stronger transitional phrases when moving from one viewpoint to another. For instance, explicitly stating "However, I believe that…" before introducing the argument for individual freedom would reinforce the author’s position and enhance coherence.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, with each viewpoint elaborated upon in separate paragraphs. The author provides reasoning for why traditions are important, such as cultural continuity and social cohesion, and counters this by discussing the benefits of individual freedom, including innovation and personal satisfaction. The examples provided, such as the impact of individuals challenging the status quo, are relevant and help to substantiate the arguments made.
  • How to improve: To further extend and support ideas, the author could include additional examples or data that highlight the consequences of both adherence to traditions and the benefits of individual expression. For instance, referencing specific historical figures or movements that exemplify the positive outcomes of individual freedom could add depth to the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and avoiding any tangents. Each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion of the two viewpoints and the author’s opinion. The structure is logical, with a clear progression from presenting both sides to concluding with a personal stance.
  • How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the author should ensure that every example and explanation directly ties back to the central argument. Occasionally, the connection between the examples and the main points could be made more explicit to reinforce relevance. For instance, after discussing the benefits of individual freedom, the author could briefly summarize how these benefits directly counter the arguments for tradition.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements and effectively communicates the author’s perspective. By incorporating more specific examples, enhancing transitions, and ensuring all points are tightly connected to the main argument, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, effectively introducing the topic and outlining the two contrasting viewpoints. The initial paragraph sets the stage for the discussion, clearly stating the intention to explore both sides before revealing the author’s opinion. Each body paragraph is dedicated to one viewpoint, which helps maintain clarity. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of adhering to traditions, while the second focuses on the advantages of individual freedom. This organization aids the reader in following the argumentation smoothly.
  • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, the author could consider using more explicit transitional phrases between the paragraphs. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could be used at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal a shift in perspective more clearly. Additionally, summarizing the main points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the logical connections between ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are clearly delineated, and the body paragraphs are well-structured, each beginning with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This structure aids in readability and comprehension, as the reader can easily identify the progression of thoughts.
  • How to improve: While the paragraphing is strong, the author could further enhance effectiveness by ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear concluding sentence that summarizes the main point. This would not only reinforce the argument but also provide a smoother transition to the next paragraph. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence that encapsulates the importance of traditions before transitioning to the discussion of individual freedom would strengthen the overall coherence.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Admittedly," "Notwithstanding," and "Moreover," which help to connect ideas and indicate the relationship between them. These devices contribute to the overall flow of the essay and assist the reader in understanding the progression of arguments. The use of examples further enhances cohesion, as they provide concrete illustrations of abstract points.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the author could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using synonyms or varying the structure of sentences could reduce repetition and enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, incorporating phrases that indicate contrast or concession, such as "However," "Nevertheless," or "On the contrary," could further clarify the relationships between opposing ideas and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a high level of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information, utilizing paragraphs, and employing cohesive devices. With minor adjustments in transitions, concluding sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices, the author could elevate the essay to an even higher standard.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively employing terms such as "adhere," "leeway," "cultural heritage," "intergenerational solidarity," and "status quo." These choices reflect a sophisticated understanding of the topic and contribute to the clarity of the arguments presented. The use of phrases like "collective wisdom" and "personal autonomy" further illustrates the writer’s ability to convey complex ideas succinctly.
  • How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource even further, the writer could incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "traditions," alternatives like "customs," "practices," or "heritage" could be employed to enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, integrating idiomatic expressions or collocations relevant to the topic could enrich the essay’s language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. For example, the phrase "stifle personal growth and creativity" accurately captures the potential negative impact of strict adherence to traditions. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. The term "longstanding customs" is somewhat vague; specifying what types of customs (e.g., cultural, religious) could enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use vocabulary that directly reflects the nuances of the arguments being made. For example, when discussing "valuable life lessons," specifying the nature of these lessons (e.g., "ethical values," "social responsibilities") would provide clearer insights into the benefits of traditions. Furthermore, ensuring that all terms used are contextually appropriate will strengthen the overall argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors present. Words such as "advantageous," "innovation," and "adaptable" are spelled correctly, reflecting the writer’s proficiency in English. This accuracy contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay.
  • How to improve: While spelling is already strong, the writer should continue to practice and review commonly misspelled words, especially those that may be less familiar or more complex. Engaging in regular reading and writing exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, utilizing spelling-check tools during the drafting process can serve as a safeguard against potential errors.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By further diversifying vocabulary, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases such as "while others are adamant that individuals should be given the leeway to express themselves freely." This showcases an ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, such as "Traditions often embody the collective wisdom and cultural heritage of a society," which adds to the overall fluency. The use of transitional phrases like "Admittedly" and "Notwithstanding" further enhances the cohesion and flow of ideas.
  • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, you could use participial phrases or conditional clauses to add complexity. An example could be: "Having recognized the importance of traditions, many argue that young people should adhere to them." This not only varies the structure but also enriches the content.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "while others are adamant that individuals should be given the leeway" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning. Punctuation is also well-handled, with commas used appropriately to separate clauses and enhance readability. However, there is a slight inconsistency in the use of commas in complex sentences, such as in "which can lead to greater innovation and personal satisfaction," where a comma before "which" could enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing comma usage in complex sentences and ensuring that clauses are clearly delineated. Additionally, practicing the identification of sentence fragments and run-on sentences can help maintain clarity. Reading the essay aloud can also assist in catching any awkward phrasing or punctuation errors that may disrupt the flow.

Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. Continued practice in diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation will further enhance the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

One perspective suggests that young people should adhere to societal traditions, while others argue that individuals should be granted the freedom to express themselves as they choose. This essay will thoroughly analyze both viewpoints before concluding that I align with the latter.

It is acknowledged that there are compelling reasons for believing that young people should comply with established customs. Traditions often embody the collective wisdom and cultural heritage of a society, providing a sense of continuity and national identity. By following these traditions, young people can promote social cohesion and retain a connection to their cultural roots. For instance, participating in long-standing customs such as festivals and ceremonies can aid in preserving a community’s distinct identity as well as foster intergenerational solidarity. Moreover, traditions can offer valuable life lessons and guidance that have been refined over time, potentially helping young people navigate their own lives more effectively.

Notwithstanding the aforementioned arguments, I am convinced that granting individuals the liberty to act as they choose is ultimately more beneficial. While traditions provide stability and continuity, they can also inhibit personal growth and creativity. Embracing individual autonomy allows young people to explore their own interests and perspectives, which can lead to greater innovation and personal satisfaction. For example, many of the world’s most significant advancements have arisen from individuals who challenged the status quo and pursued unconventional paths. In contrast, strict adherence to traditions can sometimes hinder progress and prevent the emergence of new ideas. Thus, while traditions offer a sense of belonging, personal autonomy fosters a dynamic and adaptable society.

In conclusion, while there are valid reasons for believing that young people should follow societal traditions, I contend that allowing individuals the freedom to express themselves is ultimately more advantageous. Personal autonomy not only enhances individual fulfillment but also drives societal progress and adaptability.