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Task 2: Companies use different ways to increase sales. What different ways do companies use to increase sales. What is the most effective?

Task 2: Companies use different ways to increase sales. What different ways do companies use to increase sales. What is the most effective?

It is argued that to increase sales, companies tend to use different ways. This essay will discuss the methods they use and which are most effective.
It is understandable that there are many ways for companies to raise sales. First of all, they can create some discount codes of about 25% or 50% and then they can advertise them on social media to attract a large number of customers’ attention, which can help the companies sell more and more products. Secondly, the companies can take on several famous people to represent their brand. In fact, some KOL often earn money by representing several brands to sell their products such as livestream on social media to help the companies to earn big profits.
However, I believe that taking on KOL to sell products means the most effective. In particular, young people often tend to follow or dress like their idol because they might think that it is the standard for them to choose products to buy. Therefore, these idols can take advantage of this to promote brands because it can not only help the brands increase sales but they also earn a large amount of money. For example, in Vietnam, Vo Ha Linh is a very famous person in the review field because she is very honest when commenting on products. Because of this reason, people quite trust her and choose to buy the products which she recommends. Therefore, she can help several brands to sell products and earn big profits.
In conclusion, there are many ways to raise sales such as creating vouchers and taking on KOL to advertise on social media. However, I believe that hiring a celebrity to promote the product is the most effective because it is one of the most way to attract potential customers.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is argued that to increase sales, companies tend to use different ways." -> "It is argued that, to boost sales, companies employ various strategies."
    Explanation: Replacing "different ways" with "various strategies" provides a more precise and formal expression, aligning with academic style.

  2. "First of all, they can create some discount codes of about 25% or 50% and then they can advertise them on social media to attract a large number of customers’ attention, which can help the companies sell more and more products." -> "Firstly, they can generate discount codes ranging from 25% to 50% and promote them on social media to capture a significant portion of customers’ attention, thereby enhancing product sales."
    Explanation: The revised sentence introduces a more formal structure by replacing "some" with "ranging from," and it uses parallelism to improve clarity.

  3. "Secondly, the companies can take on several famous people to represent their brand." -> "Secondly, companies can enlist multiple celebrities to endorse their brand."
    Explanation: Removing the article "the" before "companies" and replacing "take on" with "enlist" contributes to a more concise and formal expression.

  4. "In fact, some KOL often earn money by representing several brands to sell their products such as livestream on social media to help the companies to earn big profits." -> "In fact, some Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs) frequently generate income by endorsing multiple brands through activities like livestreaming on social media, thereby assisting companies in achieving substantial profits."
    Explanation: The term "Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs)" is introduced for clarity and formality. Additionally, the sentence is rephrased to improve precision and maintain a formal tone.

  5. "However, I believe that taking on KOL to sell products means the most effective." -> "However, I contend that engaging KOLs to promote products is the most effective strategy."
    Explanation: The verb "taking on" is replaced with "engaging," and the sentence is restructured for enhanced clarity and formality.

  6. "In particular, young people often tend to follow or dress like their idol because they might think that it is the standard for them to choose products to buy." -> "Specifically, young individuals frequently emulate their idols in terms of fashion and lifestyle, perceiving them as benchmarks for product selection."
    Explanation: The sentence is refined for precision, and the phrase "tend to" is replaced with "frequently emulate," contributing to a more academic tone.

  7. "Therefore, these idols can take advantage of this to promote brands because it can not only help the brands increase sales but they also earn a large amount of money." -> "Therefore, these idols can leverage this influence to endorse brands, contributing not only to increased sales but also substantial earnings."
    Explanation: The phrase "take advantage of this" is replaced with "leverage this influence," and the sentence is rephrased for improved formality and clarity.

  8. "For example, in Vietnam, Vo Ha Linh is a very famous person in the review field because she is very honest when commenting on products." -> "For instance, in Vietnam, Vo Ha Linh is a highly renowned figure in the field of product reviews due to her unwavering honesty in critiques."
    Explanation: The phrase "very famous person" is replaced with "highly renowned figure," and the sentence is refined for increased formality and precision.

  9. "Because of this reason, people quite trust her and choose to buy the products which she recommends." -> "Due to this reputation, people place considerable trust in her recommendations, leading them to purchase endorsed products."
    Explanation: The phrase "Because of this reason" is replaced with "Due to this reputation," and the sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality.

  10. "Therefore, she can help several brands to sell products and earn big profits." -> "Consequently, she can assist numerous brands in selling products and generating substantial profits."
    Explanation: The phrase "sell products and earn big profits" is refined for increased formality, and the sentence is restructured for clarity and precision.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to cover both aspects of the prompt – discussing different methods companies use to increase sales and identifying the most effective method. It briefly mentions two methods: discount codes advertised on social media and engaging Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs) or celebrities to promote products.
    • How to improve: To enhance this section, the essay could provide a more detailed exploration of various methods companies use to boost sales beyond discount codes and KOLs. It could delve into other strategies or provide more nuanced examples to illustrate the diversity of methods available.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position by stating that engaging KOLs to promote products is the most effective method to increase sales. This stance is clear and supported with reasoning.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the essay’s coherence by ensuring that each paragraph directly relates to the central argument, offering more explicit transitional phrases to guide the reader through the progression of ideas.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. It briefly mentions two methods and offers one example related to a Vietnamese personality, Vo Ha Linh, without further elaboration or analysis.
    • How to improve: Expand on each mentioned method, providing more examples, explanations, or even counterarguments to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of various strategies used by companies to increase sales. Additionally, support each idea with more robust evidence or data to strengthen the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay primarily stays on topic by discussing different methods companies use to boost sales and evaluating their effectiveness. However, it slightly diverts attention by focusing more on the effectiveness of using KOLs rather than evenly exploring multiple methods.
    • How to improve: Maintain a balanced discussion of various methods without disproportionately favoring one approach. Allocate equal attention to different strategies and their potential effectiveness.

Improvement Suggestions:

  1. Broaden Analysis: Explore a wider range of methods companies employ to enhance sales beyond discount codes and KOLs. Offer examples or descriptions of additional strategies to showcase a comprehensive understanding.

  2. Elaborate and Provide Examples: Extend discussions on each method presented. For instance, delve deeper into the mechanics of using discount codes or provide multiple examples of successful celebrity endorsements to enrich the essay’s content.

  3. Balance and Equal Focus: Ensure a balanced discussion of various methods without emphasizing one over the others. Allocate comparable attention to each strategy’s strengths and limitations.

  4. Enhance Coherence: Strengthen the connectivity between paragraphs by using explicit transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas.

By incorporating these improvements, the essay can elevate its content, depth, and coherence, enhancing its ability to address the essay prompt comprehensively and substantively, potentially raising its band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that states the purpose of discussing various ways companies increase sales. The body paragraphs explore different methods, leading to a conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow. The connection between the methods discussed is somewhat abrupt, and the transition could be smoother. For instance, a more explicit transition sentence or phrase between the paragraph discussing discount codes and the one about KOL representation could enhance coherence.
    • How to improve: Introduce clear transitional sentences or phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader through the progression of ideas. For example, a sentence like "While discounts are one approach, another effective strategy involves leveraging the influence of Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs)" would strengthen the logical flow.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic. However, the second paragraph is quite lengthy and could be more effectively divided into two or more paragraphs to enhance readability. Paragraphs should ideally focus on one main idea or point, and the transition between them should be smooth to maintain coherence.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking the second paragraph into smaller, more focused paragraphs. For instance, a separate paragraph could be dedicated to explaining the use of discount codes, and another to discuss the involvement of KOLs. This would contribute to a clearer and more organized structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," and "in conclusion," to signal the organization of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs could be more extensive. For instance, within the paragraph discussing KOL representation, the coherence could be improved by employing words like "furthermore" or "moreover" to connect related ideas.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices within paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas. For instance, within the paragraph discussing KOL representation, phrases like "In addition to this" or "Furthermore, their influence extends beyond product promotion" could enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a sound organizational structure, refining the logical flow, paragraph structure, and cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and coherent piece.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms related to marketing strategies (discount codes, advertise, KOL – Key Opinion Leaders), sales promotion (livestream, represent their brand), and examples (Vo Ha Linh). However, there’s a limited variety in the vocabulary used. Several repeated phrases, such as "sell products" and "increase sales," could be diversified for a more extensive lexical resource.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions for repetitive terms. Instead of frequently using "sell products" or "increase sales," explore alternative phrases like "boosting product sales" or "enhancing market demand." Additionally, strive to introduce a wider spectrum of vocabulary related to sales, marketing, and endorsement to enrich the essay’s lexical diversity.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay tends to use vocabulary adequately, but there are instances where terms could be used more precisely. For instance, the phrase "young people often tend to follow or dress like their idol" might benefit from more nuanced vocabulary to depict consumer behavior more precisely. Also, the repetitive use of "big profits" could be substituted with more specific terms or varied expressions to avoid redundancy.
    • How to improve: Focus on precision by employing more accurate vocabulary to describe consumer behavior, such as "emulate their idols’ choices" or "embrace similar preferences." Additionally, replace repetitive phrases like "big profits" with alternatives like "significant revenue" or "substantial earnings" to add variety and precision to the language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy is generally acceptable, with no prominent spelling errors evident throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To maintain this level of spelling accuracy, continue practicing careful proofreading and consider using spell-check tools or resources to ensure consistent spelling accuracy. Review commonly misspelled words and pay attention to details during the revision process to avoid potential errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a moderate command of vocabulary and generally accurate spelling, enhancing lexical diversity and precision could significantly improve the expression of ideas and overall clarity. Focus on incorporating a wider range of vocabulary with more precise and varied usage to elevate the quality and effectiveness of the essay’s language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the writer effectively uses compound sentences when discussing different ways for companies to increase sales. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and complexity of structures. More complex sentences, such as those with embedded clauses or varied sentence beginnings, could enhance the overall richness of the essay.

    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. For instance, instead of relying solely on straightforward sentences, experiment with sentence embedding and use varied sentence structures to convey ideas more effectively. This will contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.

  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally accurate use of grammar. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement and preposition usage can be refined. For example, the phrase "because it is one of the most way" contains an error in article usage. Additionally, there are a few instances where the sentence structure could be revised for clarity.

    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Review sentences for clarity, ensuring that the intended meaning is conveyed without ambiguity. Consider revising sentences that may be prone to misinterpretation or are grammatically awkward to enhance overall accuracy.

  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation usage is generally correct, with appropriate use of commas and periods. However, there are instances where the misuse of punctuation, such as missing commas or inconsistent use of apostrophes, can be noted. For instance, the phrase "young people often tend to follow or dress like their idol because they might think that it is the standard for them to choose products to buy" could benefit from clearer punctuation.

    • How to improve: Focus on consistent and correct punctuation usage, paying attention to commas, apostrophes, and other punctuation marks. Review and revise sentences where punctuation could enhance clarity. Consider seeking additional guidance on specific punctuation rules to refine these skills further.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and sentence structure, attention to detail in punctuation and an increased variety of sentence structures would contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that, to enhance sales, companies employ various strategies. This essay will delve into the methods they use and discuss which is the most effective.

It is understandable that there are numerous ways for companies to boost sales. Firstly, they can generate discount codes ranging from 25% to 50% and promote them on social media to capture a significant portion of customers’ attention, thereby enhancing product sales. This approach helps companies sell more products by attracting a larger audience.

Secondly, companies can enlist multiple celebrities to endorse their brand. In fact, some Key Opinion Leaders (KOLs) frequently generate income by endorsing multiple brands through activities like livestreaming on social media, thereby assisting companies in achieving substantial profits.

However, I contend that engaging KOLs to promote products is the most effective strategy. Specifically, young individuals frequently emulate their idols in terms of fashion and lifestyle, perceiving them as benchmarks for product selection. Therefore, these idols can leverage this influence to endorse brands, contributing not only to increased sales but also substantial earnings.

For instance, in Vietnam, Vo Ha Linh is a highly renowned figure in the field of product reviews due to her unwavering honesty in critiques. Due to this reputation, people place considerable trust in her recommendations, leading them to purchase endorsed products. Consequently, she can assist numerous brands in selling products and generating substantial profits.

In conclusion, there are various ways to increase sales, such as creating vouchers and engaging KOLs to advertise on social media. However, I believe that hiring a celebrity to promote the product is the most effective, as it serves as a compelling way to attract potential customers.

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