TASK 2. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task​ Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

TASK 2. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task​

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, there are many people who argue that advertising on social platforms brings about effectiveness when buying anything. But other people believe that it is so popular that we no longer pay attention to it. I totally agree with the two opinions, and, this essay will analyze two key features for the two opinions.
In terms of the advertising is likely successful, the reason is that most people have a habit of using the social internet, so they can easily interact with things to service for the purpose of individual. For example, people can access some applications to buy any product that they want on Facebook, TikTok, or Shopee. Also, they can check the price of products to choose for need.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."

2. "there are many people who argue" -> "it is widely argued"
   Explanation: "It is widely argued" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea that many people hold a particular opinion, avoiding the informal phrasing of "there are many people who argue."

3. "brings about effectiveness when buying anything" -> "enhances the effectiveness of purchasing"
   Explanation: "Enhances the effectiveness of purchasing" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "brings about effectiveness when buying anything."

4. "it is so popular that we no longer pay attention to it" -> "its ubiquity has led to diminishing attention"
   Explanation: "Its ubiquity has led to diminishing attention" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to describe the impact of overexposure to advertising, avoiding the conversational tone of "we no longer pay attention to it."

5. "I totally agree with the two opinions" -> "I concur with both perspectives"
   Explanation: "I concur with both perspectives" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "I totally agree with the two opinions."

6. "the advertising is likely successful" -> "advertising is likely effective"
   Explanation: "Advertising is likely effective" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more precise term, "effective," which is academically appropriate.

7. "most people have a habit of using the social internet" -> "many individuals frequently utilize social media"
   Explanation: "Many individuals frequently utilize social media" is more precise and formal, replacing the vague and informal "most people have a habit of using the social internet."

8. "they can easily interact with things to service for the purpose of individual" -> "they can easily interact with services tailored to their individual needs"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies and corrects the awkward and unclear original phrase, providing a more precise and formal expression.

9. "people can access some applications to buy any product that they want on Facebook, TikTok, or Shopee" -> "individuals can access various applications, such as Facebook, TikTok, and Shopee, to purchase products"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the list of applications and the action of purchasing, making it more suitable for an academic context.

10. "Also, they can check the price of products to choose for need" -> "Additionally, they can compare prices to select products that meet their needs"
    Explanation: "Additionally, they can compare prices to select products that meet their needs" is more formal and precise, replacing the informal and unclear "Also, they can check the price of products to choose for need."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the effectiveness of advertising, but it lacks a comprehensive exploration of each perspective. The first paragraph introduces the two opinions but does not fully develop them. For instance, while it mentions that advertising is effective, it does not provide sufficient evidence or examples to support this claim. The second viewpoint is barely touched upon, which leaves the discussion unbalanced.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both views are equally explored. Dedicate at least one paragraph to discussing the effectiveness of advertising with specific examples and another paragraph to the argument that advertising has become too common to be effective. Additionally, a clear conclusion that summarizes your own opinion on the matter would strengthen the overall response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay states a personal agreement with both opinions but does not clearly articulate a definitive stance. This ambiguity can confuse readers regarding the writer’s true position. The phrase "I totally agree with the two opinions" suggests a lack of a singular viewpoint, which is essential for a cohesive argument.
  • How to improve: Choose one position to support more strongly and clarify it in the introduction. For example, if you believe that advertising is effective, focus on that perspective and provide counterarguments to the opposing view. This will help maintain a clear and consistent position throughout the essay.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped. The mention of social media platforms as examples of effective advertising is a good start, but the explanation lacks depth. There is no elaboration on how these platforms influence consumer behavior or why they are effective. Furthermore, the essay does not provide any supporting evidence for the claim that advertising is no longer effective.
  • How to improve: To improve idea presentation, ensure that each point is fully developed with explanations and examples. Use specific statistics or studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of advertising or discuss consumer behavior trends. This will not only strengthen your argument but also make your essay more engaging.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but the lack of depth in discussing both views leads to a somewhat scattered focus. The introduction hints at analyzing two key features but fails to deliver on this promise, which detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
  • How to improve: Maintain focus by clearly outlining the structure of your essay in the introduction. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal what the paragraph will discuss. This will help keep your writing organized and ensure that each section contributes to the overall argument.

In summary, to improve your essay and potentially raise your band score, focus on fully addressing both sides of the argument, presenting a clear and consistent position, elaborating on your ideas with supporting evidence, and maintaining a coherent structure throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents two contrasting views on advertising, but the organization lacks clarity. The introduction states that the essay will analyze two key features, yet it does not clearly delineate these features in the body. For instance, the transition from discussing the effectiveness of advertising to the argument that it is overlooked is abrupt and lacks a clear logical progression. The reader may struggle to follow the argument due to the lack of structured development.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a clear structure: introduce the topic, present the first viewpoint in one paragraph, the second viewpoint in another, and then provide your own opinion in a concluding paragraph. Use topic sentences to clearly indicate the main idea of each paragraph, ensuring that each point builds on the previous one.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay does not effectively use paragraphs. The introduction is combined with the first argument, which makes it difficult to distinguish between different ideas. The lack of clear paragraph breaks leads to a dense block of text that can overwhelm the reader and obscure the main points being made.
  • How to improve: Implement a clear paragraphing strategy. Start with an introductory paragraph that outlines the main points. Follow with separate paragraphs for each viewpoint, ensuring that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by examples. Finally, conclude with a summary of your opinion. This will enhance readability and help the reader to follow your argument more easily.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "but" and "also," but these are limited and do not effectively link ideas. The transitions between sentences and ideas are often abrupt, which can confuse the reader. For example, the phrase "the reason is that" could be better connected to the previous sentence to create a smoother flow.
  • How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "however," "on the other hand," and "for instance" to create clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with terms like "advertising," "effectiveness," and "interact." However, the repetition of phrases such as "people" and "buy" indicates a limited lexical variety. For instance, the phrase "bring about effectiveness" could be expressed with alternatives like "enhance" or "boost" to add variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more specific terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "people," consider using "consumers," "individuals," or "users." Additionally, exploring more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the essay’s language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. The phrase "service for the purpose of individual" is vague and unclear. It could be interpreted in various ways, which detracts from the clarity of the argument. Moreover, "the advertising is likely successful" should be rephrased to "advertising is likely to be successful" for grammatical accuracy.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. Instead of vague phrases, use clear and direct language. For example, rephrase "service for the purpose of individual" to "serve individual needs" or "meet consumer demands." Additionally, ensure grammatical structures are correct to enhance clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "advertising on social platforms brings about effectiveness" where "effectiveness" is correctly spelled, but the overall sentence structure could be clearer. However, there are no glaring spelling mistakes that hinder understanding.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools like spell checkers. Additionally, reading more extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. It may also be beneficial to proofread the essay carefully to catch any minor errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a broader vocabulary, focusing on clarity, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the opening sentences primarily utilize simple and compound structures, such as "there are many people who argue" and "other people believe." While these structures are clear, they do not showcase a variety of complex sentences. The phrase "the advertising is likely successful" is awkward and lacks the complexity expected at this band level.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the advertising is likely successful," the writer could say, "Many believe that advertising is likely to be successful due to its pervasive presence on social media." This not only adds complexity but also improves clarity and engagement.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and issues with punctuation. For instance, "the advertising is likely successful" should be "advertising is likely to be successful." Additionally, the phrase "to service for the purpose of individual" is awkward and unclear; it should be rephrased for clarity. The use of commas is inconsistent, as seen in "I totally agree with the two opinions, and, this essay will analyze…" where the comma after "and" is unnecessary.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles. For example, instead of "the advertising," simply use "advertising." Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas, will enhance clarity. A useful strategy is to read the essay aloud to identify awkward phrasing and grammatical errors.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the writing quality and potentially increase the band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Improved Essay:**

Currently, there are many people who argue that advertising on social platforms enhances the effectiveness of purchasing decisions. However, others believe that its ubiquity has led to diminishing attention towards it. I concur with both perspectives, and this essay will analyze two key features related to these viewpoints.

In terms of advertising being likely effective, the reason is that many individuals frequently utilize social media, allowing them to easily interact with services tailored to their individual needs. For example, individuals can access various applications, such as Facebook, TikTok, and Shopee, to purchase products they desire. Additionally, they can compare prices to select products that meet their needs.

On the other hand, it is widely argued that the overwhelming presence of advertising has made it less impactful. As advertisements are encountered so frequently, many people tend to overlook them, leading to a lack of engagement. This saturation can result in a scenario where consumers become desensitized to promotional content, ultimately reducing its effectiveness.

In conclusion, while advertising can be effective in influencing purchasing behavior, its commonality may lead to diminished attention from consumers. Therefore, I believe that both views hold merit, reflecting the complex nature of advertising in our daily lives.