The government is spending a lot of money to discover life on other planets. Some people think that government is wasting money and should spend more money addressing the problem of the public. To what extent do you agree?

It is widely believed that the government should need to allocate their resources to tackle the problem of society instead of spending money on space exploration. Personally, I totally agree with this view.
On the one hand, the idea is justifiable because of some reasons. It is easy to see that stablizing the society is government’s basic obligation, so they must concern their inhabitants rather than discovering life on other planets. There can be better invested in urgent issues such as giving affordable houses for some impoverished people or spending on health care service for the elderly who really need their support. Therefore, these could make sure a sense of well-being of humans. Furthermore, if all citizens have happiness which means this nation is ideal place to live and nobody can be left behind, facilitate the developing of a nation and become a better coutry than others without government’s caring.
On the other hand, that it not to say that government’s expenditure on discovering life on other planets is not meaningful thing. This is because space exploration might enhance our knowledge and understanding of outer space to handle some problems that challenge our modern world. For example, thanks to space programs, we know more about atmostphere, therefore can better predict the weather and natural disasters. However, I believe that this definitely do not outweigh the associated benefits of government’s expenditure on addressing some problems of the public, including ensuring the human well-being and becoming a good nation.
In conclusion, it seems to me that the government certainly need to spending their money on public issues. Meanwhile, we should not ignore the positve effect of space exploration

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"government should need to allocate" -> "government should allocate"
Explanation: Removing "need to" makes the sentence more concise and direct, which is more appropriate for formal writing.
"Personally, I totally agree" -> "Personally, I strongly agree"
Explanation: "Totally" is overly informal for academic writing. "Strongly" adds emphasis without detracting from formality.
"On the one hand, the idea is justifiable because of some reasons." -> "On one hand, this notion is justified for several reasons."
Explanation: Simplifying the sentence structure and replacing "justifiable" with "justified" improves clarity and formality.
"stablizing" -> "stabilizing"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "stabilizing" ensures adherence to standard English conventions.
"so they must concern their inhabitants" -> "so they must prioritize the welfare of their citizens"
Explanation: "Concern their inhabitants" is somewhat awkward and imprecise. "Prioritize the welfare of their citizens" is more formal and clearer.
"There can be better invested in urgent issues" -> "These resources could be better invested in urgent issues"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence and specifying "These resources" instead of "There" improves clarity and formality.
"affordable houses" -> "affordable housing"
Explanation: Using "housing" as a noun is more appropriate in this context.
"spending on health care service" -> "investing in healthcare services"
Explanation: "Spending on health care service" is somewhat awkward. "Investing in healthcare services" is more concise and formal.
"who really need their support" -> "who genuinely require assistance"
Explanation: "Need their support" is somewhat colloquial. "Genuinely require assistance" is more formal.
"Therefore, these could make sure a sense of well-being of humans." -> "Therefore, these measures could ensure the well-being of individuals."
Explanation: "Make sure a sense of well-being" is unclear and informal. "Ensure the well-being of individuals" is more precise and formal.
"Furthermore, if all citizens have happiness which means this nation is ideal place to live and nobody can be left behind, facilitate the developing of a nation and become a better coutry than others without government’s caring." -> "Furthermore, fostering happiness among all citizens not only establishes an ideal living environment but also promotes national development, positioning the country ahead of others lacking governmental support."
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks clarity. Simplifying the structure and using more precise language improves readability and formality.
"that it not to say" -> "that is not to say"
Explanation: Correcting the grammatical error by adding "is" improves the sentence’s clarity and correctness.
"government’s expenditure on discovering life on other planets is not meaningful thing" -> "government’s expenditure on space exploration lacks significance"
Explanation: "Not meaningful thing" is informal and unclear. "Lacks significance" is more precise and formal.
"might enhance our knowledge and understanding of outer space to handle some problems" -> "might enhance our understanding of outer space to address certain challenges"
Explanation: Replacing "knowledge and understanding" with "understanding" and "problems" with "challenges" improves precision and formality.
"For example, thanks to space programs, we know more about atmostphere" -> "For example, thanks to space programs, we have gained insights into the atmosphere"
Explanation: "We know more about atmosphere" is awkward. "We have gained insights into the atmosphere" is more formal and clearer.
"this definitely do not outweigh" -> "this definitely does not outweigh"
Explanation: Correcting the subject-verb agreement by changing "do" to "does" improves grammatical accuracy.
"associated benefits of government’s expenditure" -> "associated benefits of government spending"
Explanation: Simplifying the phrase by using "government spending" instead of "government’s expenditure" maintains formality and clarity.
"certainly need to spending their money" -> "certainly need to spend their money"
Explanation: Correcting the structure by changing "spending" to "spend" improves grammatical accuracy.
"we should not ignore the positve effect" -> "we should not overlook the positive effects"
Explanation: "Ignore the positive effect" is somewhat informal. "Overlook the positive effects" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question

Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: the use of government funds for space exploration and the suggestion to focus more on public issues. The author provides reasons to support the idea that spending on public issues should be prioritized, and they also acknowledge the benefits of space exploration. However, the essay could have more explicitly engaged with the "To what extent do you agree?" aspect of the prompt. The response leans heavily toward one side, with limited exploration of the opposing perspective.
How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, consider giving more space to discussing the benefits of space exploration and weighing them against the needs of society. Include specific examples or evidence from both perspectives to create a more balanced argument.

Present a Clear Position Throughout

Detailed explanation: The essay starts with a clear position that the government should focus on public issues over space exploration. This position is maintained throughout the essay. However, the transition to discussing the benefits of space exploration could be smoother, as it may seem slightly contradictory to the overall stance.
How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, reinforce the primary argument by linking the benefits of space exploration back to the broader theme of addressing public issues. Additionally, ensure the essay’s structure supports the main position by using clear topic sentences and logical transitions between points.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas

Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas supporting the viewpoint that public spending should take precedence over space exploration. The reasons for this are outlined, such as addressing urgent issues like housing and healthcare. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited, with few concrete examples or specific details. The section discussing the potential benefits of space exploration is brief and lacks depth.
How to improve: To strengthen idea support, use more specific examples and data to illustrate why addressing public issues is crucial. For example, reference statistics or specific instances where government spending on public welfare has led to positive outcomes. Similarly, consider including more detailed information on how space exploration can benefit society to create a stronger contrast.

Stay on Topic

Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate between public spending and space exploration. There are no significant deviations from the core theme. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit focus on the core argument to avoid any potential drift.
How to improve: To maintain a clear focus, consistently refer back to the central question and ensure that each paragraph contributes to building the overall argument. Consider using linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument’s progression and reinforce the essay’s central theme.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a reasonable response to the prompt, addressing both parts of the question and maintaining a clear position. However, to improve the band score, focus on developing a more balanced argument, providing detailed examples to support the ideas presented, and ensuring a consistent structure that reinforces the central thesis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate level of logical organization. The introduction sets up the argument clearly, stating the writer’s position. However, the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, leading to a somewhat disjointed presentation of ideas. The first body paragraph discusses reasons why government spending should prioritize societal problems, while the second paragraph acknowledges the value of space exploration but ultimately emphasizes the importance of addressing public issues. The conclusion briefly summarizes the main points but could be more robust in reinforcing the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each body paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea to be discussed. Additionally, maintain coherence by logically connecting ideas between paragraphs. Consider using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s progression of thought.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but their effectiveness varies. Each paragraph attempts to focus on a distinct aspect of the argument, but the lack of clear topic sentences hampers their coherence. Additionally, paragraph length fluctuates, with some paragraphs being overly long and containing multiple ideas, while others are relatively brief.
- How to improve: Aim for consistency in paragraph length and structure. Ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into shorter ones to improve readability and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("this," "these") and transition phrases ("on the one hand," "on the other hand"). While these devices help connect ideas within sentences and paragraphs to some extent, their usage lacks variety and sophistication. This can result in a somewhat repetitive and simplistic expression of ideas.
- How to improve: Expand the repertoire of cohesive devices to include a wider range of connectors, such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "therefore," "furthermore"), transitional phrases (e.g., "in addition," "moreover," "conversely"), and referencing words (e.g., "the former," "the latter"). Experiment with using these devices to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "allocate," "stabilizing," "impoverished," "ideal place," "facilitate," "challenging," and "positve effect." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further to enhance the depth and precision of expression.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, consider incorporating more nuanced and varied vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "government," explore synonyms like "administration," "authorities," or "officials" where appropriate. Additionally, utilize specific terminology related to societal issues and space exploration to convey a deeper understanding of the topics addressed.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs vocabulary with precision, such as in the phrase "basic obligation" and "associated benefits." However, there are instances where the usage could be more precise. For example, the phrase "stablizing the society" could be refined to "ensuring societal stability," and "handling some problems" could be specified to "addressing contemporary challenges."
- How to improve: Enhance precision by selecting vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. Rather than opting for generic terms, strive for specificity to articulate ideas more effectively. Utilize synonyms and explore the nuances of words to select the most fitting terms for conveying precise meaning in each context.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with no major spelling errors detracting from readability. However, there are minor instances of misspelling, such as "stablizing" (stabilizing) and "positve" (positive), which slightly affect the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as reviewing the essay multiple times or utilizing spelling and grammar checkers. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling patterns and pay close attention to details during the writing process to minimize errors and enhance overall clarity.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences ("It is widely believed that…"), compound sentences ("On the one hand…"), and conditional sentences ("if all citizens have happiness which means this nation is an ideal place to live…"). However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further to enhance coherence and sophistication.
- How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s structure, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures such as relative clauses, participial phrases, and varied introductory phrases. This can help to create a more dynamic and engaging flow, elevating the overall quality of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are some instances of errors and awkward phrasing that affect clarity and fluency. For example, "It is widely believed that the government should need to allocate their resources…" contains redundancy ("should need to") and lacks subject-verb agreement ("their resources"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors throughout the essay, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("Meanwhile, we should not ignore the positve effect of space exploration").
- How to improve: Focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy by carefully reviewing subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and sentence structure. Practice identifying and correcting common punctuation errors, particularly with commas, to improve readability and coherence. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar resources to strengthen proficiency in grammar and punctuation skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed that the government should prioritize allocating their resources to address societal issues rather than spending on space exploration. Personally, I completely agree with this perspective.

On one hand, this notion is justified for several reasons. It is evident that stabilizing society is a fundamental obligation of the government, so they must prioritize the welfare of their citizens over the quest for discovering life on other planets. These resources could be better invested in urgent issues such as providing affordable housing for impoverished individuals or investing in healthcare services for the elderly who genuinely require assistance. Therefore, these measures could ensure the well-being of individuals. Furthermore, fostering happiness among all citizens not only establishes an ideal living environment but also promotes national development, positioning the country ahead of others lacking governmental support.

On the other hand, that is not to say that the government’s expenditure on space exploration lacks significance. This is because space exploration might enhance our understanding of outer space to address certain challenges that our modern world faces. For example, thanks to space programs, we have gained insights into the atmosphere, which allows for better prediction of weather and natural disasters. However, this definitely does not outweigh the associated benefits of government spending on addressing societal issues, including ensuring human well-being and fostering national development.

In conclusion, it is evident to me that the government should certainly prioritize spending their money on public issues. Meanwhile, we should not overlook the positive effects of space exploration.