the internet has made knowledge immediately available to people through computers and smartphones all around the world

In recent years, people around the world can access to computers and smartphones with an active Internet connection in order to approach information which is not only instant but also free. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of this issue.

On the one hand, people should recognize that there are many advantages of using the Internet. Firstly, searching for information is quicker. For example, when you want to learn a new language, you can substitute language websites, social media for traditional language books. That way can help you save time, save money and learn effectively. Secondly, the Internet provides a variety of useful information sources in a great deal of formats such as videos, songs, podcasts, articles,..Therefore, people can receive a lot of data passively when using technology devices with network connection. Thirdly, as the Internet associates people of all ages and cultures, we can expand our practical insight and take advantage of it to alter the learning method.

On the other hand, it has some facts despite the important advantages of this problem. Once humans overuse the data provided from the Internet, their creativity gradually decreases. Worse, people will not be able to live without the Internet. Besides, not all online information is accurate. If we research on unofficial websites, the data we access may not be the same as reality.

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Errors and Improvements:

"people around the world can access to computers and smartphones with an active Internet connection" -> "people worldwide have access to computers and smartphones with an active Internet connection"
Explanation: "around the world can access to" is awkward and informal. "worldwide have access to" is more concise and maintains a formal tone.
"in order to approach information which is not only instant but also free" -> "to access instantaneous and cost-free information"
Explanation: "in order to approach information" is overly complex and informal. "to access" is more direct, and "instantaneous and cost-free" is a more sophisticated way to describe the benefits of online information.
"pros and cons of this issue" -> "advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon"
Explanation: "pros and cons of this issue" is somewhat redundant and colloquial. "advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon" is more precise and academically appropriate.
"Firstly, searching for information is quicker." -> "Firstly, information retrieval is expedited."
Explanation: "searching for information is quicker" lacks formality and precision. "information retrieval is expedited" is more concise and formal.
"For example, when you want to learn a new language, you can substitute language websites, social media for traditional language books." -> "For instance, individuals seeking to acquire a new language can replace conventional language books with online resources such as language websites and social media platforms."
Explanation: The original sentence is somewhat unclear and uses informal language. The revised version clarifies the example and employs more formal vocabulary.
"save time, save money and learn effectively" -> "save time, economize, and enhance learning efficacy"
Explanation: The repetition of "save" is redundant and lacks sophistication. Replacing "save money" with "economize" maintains clarity while elevating the vocabulary. "Learn effectively" is changed to "enhance learning efficacy" for a more formal tone.
"a variety of useful information sources in a great deal of formats" -> "a wide array of valuable information sources in various formats"
Explanation: "a variety of useful information sources in a great deal of formats" is awkward and lacks precision. "a wide array of valuable information sources in various formats" is more concise and formal.
"videos, songs, podcasts, articles,.." -> "videos, audio recordings, podcasts, articles, and more"
Explanation: The ellipsis (…) is informal and unnecessary. Using "and more" maintains completeness without compromising formality.
"as the Internet associates people of all ages and cultures" -> "since the Internet connects individuals of diverse ages and cultures"
Explanation: "as the Internet associates people" is awkward and informal. "since the Internet connects individuals" is more formal and direct.
"we can expand our practical insight and take advantage of it to alter the learning method" -> "we can broaden our practical understanding and utilize it to modify our learning approaches"
Explanation: "expand our practical insight" is somewhat vague. "broaden our practical understanding" is more precise. "take advantage of it to alter the learning method" is simplified to "utilize it to modify our learning approaches" for clarity and formality.
"it has some facts despite the important advantages of this problem" -> "there are certain drawbacks notwithstanding the significant benefits of this phenomenon"
Explanation: "it has some facts" is unclear and awkward. "there are certain drawbacks" is more direct. "important advantages of this problem" is changed to "significant benefits of this phenomenon" for clarity and formality.
"Once humans overuse the data provided from the Internet" -> "Excessive reliance on Internet-derived data"
Explanation: "Once humans overuse the data provided from the Internet" is verbose and informal. "Excessive reliance on Internet-derived data" is more concise and formal.
"their creativity gradually decreases" -> "their creativity gradually diminishes"
Explanation: "decreases" is a common word, while "diminishes" is slightly more formal and fits better in academic writing.
"Worse, people will not be able to live without the Internet." -> "Furthermore, individuals may become dependent on the Internet for daily functioning."
Explanation: "Worse" is an abrupt transition and lacks sophistication. "Furthermore" connects the sentence more smoothly. "people will not be able to live without the Internet" is simplified to "individuals may become dependent on the Internet for daily functioning" for clarity and formality.
"If we research on unofficial websites" -> "If we conduct research on unofficial websites"
Explanation: "If we research on unofficial websites" is grammatically incorrect. "If we conduct research on unofficial websites" is the correct phrasing for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the immediate availability of knowledge through the internet. It discusses the benefits such as quick access to information and the variety of formats available, as well as the drawbacks including decreased creativity and the potential for inaccurate information.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that each point is elaborated further. Provide specific examples or evidence to support each advantage and disadvantage mentioned. Additionally, consider exploring the implications of these advantages and disadvantages on individuals or society as a whole.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of accessing knowledge through the internet. However, the stance is not explicitly stated. While this approach can be effective in certain essays, a clearer indication of the writer’s position could strengthen the essay’s coherence.
- How to improve: Begin the essay with a clear thesis statement that outlines the writer’s position on the issue. This will help readers understand the perspective from which the arguments are presented. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph reinforces this position consistently throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the advantages and disadvantages of internet access to knowledge but lacks depth in elaboration. For instance, while it mentions decreased creativity as a drawback, it does not provide further explanation or evidence to support this claim. Similarly, the advantages are briefly mentioned without sufficient elaboration.
- How to improve: Strengthen the essay by expanding on each idea presented. Provide specific examples, anecdotes, or studies to support claims made about the benefits and drawbacks of accessing knowledge through the internet. This will add depth and credibility to the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the prompt regarding the availability of knowledge through the internet. However, there are some instances where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the paragraph discussing the drawbacks of internet reliance could be more directly related to the prompt.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic of internet access to knowledge. Avoid tangential discussions that do not contribute to the main argument. Additionally, provide transitions between paragraphs to maintain coherence and guide the reader through the essay more effectively.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt at organizing information logically. Each paragraph introduces a different aspect of the argument, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and purpose of the essay, followed by body paragraphs discussing the advantages and disadvantages of the internet for accessing knowledge. However, there is some room for improvement in the coherence of ideas within paragraphs. For instance, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother to enhance the overall flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical organization, consider using transition words or phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, phrases like "On the one hand… On the other hand…" can help signal shifts in perspective. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and provides sufficient supporting details to strengthen the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the discussion. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the topic, such as the advantages and disadvantages of internet access to knowledge. However, there are minor issues with paragraph structure and coherence. For instance, the second paragraph could be more focused on the advantages of internet access to information, with clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea of the paragraph. Then, provide supporting evidence or examples to develop that idea cohesively. Consider revising the second paragraph to strengthen its focus on discussing the advantages of internet access to information, with specific examples to illustrate each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help signal shifts between contrasting points. Additionally, pronouns such as "it" and "this" are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned concepts.
- How to improve: Continue to use cohesive devices consistently throughout the essay to maintain coherence. Consider incorporating a wider variety of transitional words and phrases to further enhance the flow between ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns are used clearly and refer back unambiguously to their intended antecedents to avoid confusion for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing a range of vocabulary, including terms such as "approach," "passively," "alter," "overuse," and "unofficial." These words contribute to conveying the writer’s ideas effectively and exhibit a moderate lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, consider integrating more nuanced vocabulary choices. Instead of frequently using general terms like "advantages" and "information," strive to incorporate specific synonyms or descriptive language to add depth to the arguments presented. Additionally, introducing domain-specific vocabulary related to technology or education could enrich the essay’s lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates both precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, phrases like "approach information" and "useful information sources" are adequately precise in conveying the intended meanings. However, imprecise language is evident in phrases such as "important advantages of this problem," where clarity could be improved by selecting more appropriate terms.
- How to improve: Aim for consistent precision in vocabulary usage throughout the essay. When expressing complex ideas, ensure that each word accurately reflects the intended meaning to avoid ambiguity. Consider employing synonyms or rephrasing sentences to achieve greater clarity and specificity, thereby enhancing the overall lexical precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling accuracy in the essay is satisfactory, with minimal errors observed. Common words are spelled correctly, and there are no glaring spelling mistakes that significantly detract from comprehension.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, consider employing strategies such as proofreading, utilizing spell-checking tools, and actively expanding your vocabulary to become more familiar with the correct spelling of diverse words. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling exercises can aid in minimizing errors and enhancing overall spelling proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a relatively wide range of sentence structures, showcasing both complex and compound sentences effectively. For example, the use of conditional clauses ("if we research on unofficial websites, the data we access may not be the same as reality") and comparative constructions ("searching for information is quicker"). The variety of structures used contributes to the coherence of the argument and aids the flow of information. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor structural errors that slightly hinder readability.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures and enhance their effectiveness, consider incorporating more advanced constructions such as inversion (e.g., "Not only is the information instant, but it is also free") or cleft sentences (e.g., "What the Internet offers is a variety of information sources"). These structures can add emphasis and variety to the writing, making the arguments more compelling.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good command of grammar and punctuation, which aligns with a band score of 7. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used effectively to aid clarity. However, there are occasional lapses in grammatical accuracy and awkward constructions that detract from the overall quality. For example, the phrase "people around the world can access to computers" should be corrected to "people around the world can access computers." Moreover, the essay includes a run-on list punctuated by commas, where a semicolon may be more appropriate ("videos, songs, podcasts, articles,..").
- How to improve: Focus on reviewing grammatical rules related to article usage and prepositions, as these are common areas of error observed in the essay. Practicing sentence restructuring can also help eliminate awkwardness and improve fluency. Additionally, attention to detail in punctuation, especially in complex lists and compound sentences, can significantly enhance the precision and readability of the text. Utilizing writing tools or peer reviews can provide practical feedback and insights into recurring errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy, reflecting the complexity and formality appropriate for a band score of 7. Continued focus on refining complex grammatical structures and ensuring punctuation accuracy will aid in achieving a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent times, people worldwide have access to computers and smartphones with an active Internet connection, enabling them to access instantaneous and cost-free information. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon.

On the positive side, it is important to acknowledge the numerous benefits of utilizing the Internet. Firstly, information retrieval is expedited. For instance, individuals seeking to acquire a new language can replace conventional language books with online resources such as language websites and social media platforms. This substitution can save time, economize, and enhance learning efficacy. Secondly, the Internet offers a wide array of valuable information sources in various formats, including videos, audio recordings, podcasts, and articles. Consequently, people can passively receive a wealth of data when using technology devices with network connections. Thirdly, since the Internet connects individuals of diverse ages and cultures, we can broaden our practical understanding and utilize it to modify our learning approaches.

However, there are certain drawbacks notwithstanding the significant benefits of this phenomenon. Excessive reliance on Internet-derived data can lead to a gradual decline in creativity. Furthermore, individuals may become dependent on the Internet for daily functioning. Additionally, not all online information is accurate. If we conduct research on unofficial websites, the data we access may not align with reality.

In conclusion, while the Internet offers unprecedented access to information, it is essential to approach it with caution and moderation to reap its benefits without succumbing to its pitfalls.