The media should include more stories which report good news. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Opinions are divided on whether the media should provide their audiences with more good news on the platforms. In my opinions, I somewhat disagree with this debate because while good news is necessary to enrich the public’s well-being, bad news allows people to know about more urgent and serious problems occuring.
On the one hand, it is believed that good information on the media brings great benefits to one’s mental health. To further elaborate, when the media informs a person of wholesome stories of solidarity, compassion, or leniency, they will feel happy and have a joyful day. Additionally, a healthier population equals economic progress. This is because good news also serves as motivation for people to contribute to their community, as well as being dedicated to their nation as a whole.
On the other hand, people may argue that good news should never be more prioritized than bad ones. More specifically, digital media have the power to provide the public with urgent and serious news that is currently and directly affecting every aspect of their lives. Additionally, these are the basis of bad news. As a result, the media should emphasize on negative news instead of good ones. For example, when natural disasters occur, the media in Japan will cut off any shows that are displaying and replace it with information about the disasters.
In conclusion, although it is evident that good news facilitates one’s happiness and joyfulness in their day, I strongly believe that the media should make more rooms for negative news as they are often urgent and utterly important.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"In my opinions" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: The phrase "In my opinions" is grammatically incorrect; it should be singular, as the author is expressing their own viewpoint. Changing it to "In my opinion" corrects this error.
"good news is necessary to enrich the public’s well-being" -> "positive news is essential for enhancing the public’s well-being"
Explanation: Substituting "good news" with "positive news" provides a more precise and formal term. Additionally, replacing "enrich" with "enhance" contributes to a more academic tone.
"happy and have a joyful day" -> "happy and experience a joyful day"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks parallel structure, and the suggested change maintains consistency. Adding "experience" makes the sentence grammatically sound.
"population equals economic progress" -> "population contributes to economic progress"
Explanation: The suggested modification clarifies the relationship between a healthier population and economic progress, making the statement more nuanced and accurate.
"dedicated to their nation as a whole" -> "dedicated to the well-being of their nation"
Explanation: The replacement phrase is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic language and avoiding redundancy.
"people may argue that good news should never be more prioritized than bad ones" -> "some argue that positive news should not take precedence over negative ones"
Explanation: The change introduces a more formal expression ("take precedence") and maintains consistency in referring to news as both "positive" and "negative."
"digital media have the power to provide the public" -> "digital media has the power to provide the public"
Explanation: Correcting subject-verb agreement by changing "have" to "has" ensures grammatical accuracy.
"that is currently and directly affecting every aspect of their lives" -> "that currently and directly affects every aspect of their lives"
Explanation: Streamlining the sentence by using the present tense improves clarity and conciseness.
"These are the basis of bad news" -> "These form the basis of negative news"
Explanation: The suggested change provides a more accurate and formal expression, replacing "basis" with "form" to enhance the sentence’s precision.
"the media should emphasize on negative news" -> "the media should emphasize negative news"
Explanation: Removing the preposition "on" ensures grammatical correctness in the context of emphasizing something.
"For example, when natural disasters occur, the media in Japan will cut off any shows that are displaying and replace it with information about the disasters." -> "For example, when natural disasters occur, Japanese media interrupt ongoing broadcasts and replace them with information about the disasters."
Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while using more formal language and providing a more accurate description of how media handle natural disasters.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does address both sides of the argument but does not fully explore the depth of each perspective. While it mentions the positive impact of good news on mental health and community motivation, it briefly touches upon the importance of bad news without delving into specific examples or the gravity of such news.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could provide more comprehensive insights into the positive and negative aspects of media coverage, perhaps by including specific examples of how each type of news affects individuals and society.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay takes a somewhat ambiguous position. It begins by stating the author somewhat disagrees but later suggests that the media should make more room for negative news. The position should be more clearly defined and maintained consistently throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the essay should explicitly state whether the author agrees or disagrees with the prompt and maintain that stance consistently. The thesis statement could be strengthened to reflect a more decisive position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides but lacks depth in supporting examples, especially when discussing the negative impact of bad news. The examples provided are general and lack specificity.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, it should include more specific examples and elaborate further on the presented ideas. Incorporate real-world instances or studies that illustrate the effects of good and bad news on individuals and society.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay somewhat deviates from the topic by briefly discussing economic progress without clear linkage to the primary focus on whether the media should include more good news. Additionally, the mention of Japan cutting off shows during natural disasters is not directly related to the main argument.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the essay should avoid introducing elements that are not directly related to the central theme. Ensure that each point made contributes directly to the discussion of whether the media should include more good news.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents arguments on both sides, it could benefit from a clearer and more consistent position, deeper exploration of ideas with specific examples, and maintaining a sharper focus on the central theme.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction sets up the debate and the author’s stance clearly. The body paragraphs follow a structured approach, presenting arguments for both sides. However, there are instances where the flow could be smoother. For example, the transition between the two perspectives in the second paragraph is abrupt, affecting the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to guide readers through shifts in perspective. For instance, introducing the counter-argument in a more gradual manner would improve the overall coherence. Also, ensure each paragraph contributes cohesively to the overall argument.
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the second paragraph is lengthy and could benefit from further subdivision to improve readability and emphasize distinct points. While the ideas within paragraphs generally connect well, a more even distribution of information would enhance the overall structure.
- How to improve: Break down the second paragraph into smaller, focused paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument. Ensure a balanced distribution of information within paragraphs, creating a smoother transition between ideas. This will contribute to a more organized and reader-friendly structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. The transitions between sentences and ideas are at times abrupt, impacting the overall coherence.
- How to improve: Expand the use of cohesive devices, incorporating a diverse range of linking words and phrases to establish clear connections between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of transitions to ensure a seamless and natural progression of thoughts. This will contribute to a more cohesive and smoothly flowing essay.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of coherence and cohesion, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and cohesive device usage will elevate it to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It includes words and phrases like "wholesome stories," "solidarity," "compassion," and "leniency," but there is room for improvement. The vocabulary is sometimes repetitive, and there is a lack of more sophisticated or nuanced terms. For instance, the repeated use of phrases like "good news" and "bad news" limits the diversity of expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource, consider incorporating a broader range of synonyms and avoiding repetition. Instead of frequently using "good news" and "bad news," experiment with alternatives like "positive developments" and "adverse events." This will contribute to a more varied and engaging vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision, but there are instances where the language could be more precise. For example, in the sentence "digital media have the power to provide the public with urgent and serious news," the term "urgent" is somewhat vague and could be specified for better clarity.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision by replacing vague terms with more specific ones. Instead of "urgent," consider using terms like "time-sensitive" or "crucial." This will add depth to your expression and ensure that your ideas are communicated with greater precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances where there are minor errors, such as "occuring" instead of "occurring." These errors do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for a more polished presentation.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your work carefully, paying particular attention to common spelling mistakes. Utilize spell-check tools, and consider seeking feedback from peers or educators. Additionally, practice writing essays under time constraints to develop the habit of accurate spelling even in pressured situations.
In summary, while the essay displays a commendable level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Diversifying your vocabulary, aiming for more precise expressions, and addressing minor spelling errors will contribute to an even stronger presentation of your ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonably varied range of sentence structures, including compound and complex sentences. For instance, the use of compound sentences can be seen in the opening paragraph, and complex sentences are employed in the second paragraph to provide detailed explanations. However, there is a tendency to rely on simple sentence structures, which impacts the overall variety and sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex structures such as subordinate clauses, relative clauses, and varied sentence lengths. This will add depth to your writing and contribute to a more nuanced expression of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy, with a few noticeable errors. For example, there is a misuse of the plural form in the phrase "in my opinions," and the sentence "when the media informs a person of wholesome stories of solidarity, compassion, or leniency, they will feel happy and have a joyful day" could benefit from clearer subject-verb agreement.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, singular/plural usage, and article usage. Additionally, proofread carefully to catch minor errors in punctuation, such as missing commas or misplaced periods. Reviewing grammar rules related to sentence structure can also be beneficial.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and a reasonable variety of sentence structures. To achieve a higher band score, focus on refining sentence structures for greater complexity and addressing specific grammatical errors. Proofreading and editing are crucial in identifying and rectifying any lingering issues in grammar and punctuation.
Bài sửa mẫu
Opinions vary regarding whether the media should present more positive stories to their audiences. In my opinion, I slightly disagree with this argument because, while good news is essential for enhancing the public’s well-being and contributing to a happier and more joyful day, negative news is crucial for addressing urgent and serious issues.
On the positive side, it is believed that the inclusion of uplifting information in the media has significant benefits for mental health. To elaborate further, when the media shares stories of solidarity, compassion, or leniency, individuals are likely to feel happy and experience a more joyful day. Moreover, a healthier population contributes to economic progress, motivating people to actively participate in their community and be dedicated to the well-being of their nation as a whole.
On the flip side, some argue that positive news should not take precedence over negative ones. Specifically, digital media has the power to provide the public with urgent and serious news that currently and directly affects every aspect of their lives. These urgent matters often form the basis of negative news. For instance, when natural disasters occur, Japanese media interrupt ongoing broadcasts and replace them with information about the disasters, highlighting the importance of prioritizing negative news in critical situations.
In conclusion, while it is evident that good news plays a role in fostering happiness and joyfulness in one’s day, I firmly believe that the media should maintain a balance by making room for negative news. Negative news is often urgent and utterly important, addressing serious issues that require immediate attention. Therefore, a thoughtful combination of positive and negative news coverage ensures a comprehensive understanding of the world and its challenges.