fbpx

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In light of science’s proliferation, supporting human lives in multifaceted ways is thought to be of paramount importance and should be the goal of science. In my opinion, I agree that the chief priority of science should be to enhance humanity's life due to its enormous contributions to technology and healthcare.
Admittedly, the technological revolution emerges as one of the most beneficial outcomes of scientific endeavors, vastly influencing various facets of life. The foremost rationale is that the ubiquity of technological devices, such as smartphones or computers, may serve individuals’ basic demands for entertainment and connection with others. Regarding the former, the implementation of entertainment appliances, including online games as well as social platforms, is likely to facilitate people to be stress-relieved and relaxed, thereby positively ameliorating their psychological health. Evidence can be seen in the case of YouTube, a popular social network that allows users to post videos with diverse sources of content, therefore, it has millions of people access on a daily basis for entertainment purposes so that they can watch their favorite videos and get relaxation. In terms of communication between individuals, chatting online is an increasingly prevalent function as people have a strong preference for its convenience and efficiency, which can permit one to share information over a long distance.
From the healthcare aspect, scientific research exerts many beneficial influences on human life. To commence with, a variety of inventions in the field of healthcare are conducive to the amelioration of people’s overall well-being and the extension of their life expectancy. This is illustrated by the advent of the COVID-19 vaccines whose primary goal is to protect those potentially exposed to the hazardous flu virus, effectively boosting human resistance. Another health-supporting utility of science is the mitigation of cancer impacts. By way of illustration, the pain during cancer treatment may be reduced due to painkillers, and dietary supplements are likely to foster the patient’s health, thereby making the treatment process easier and the outcomes better. Granted, one might contend that vaccines may have adverse effects, so this scientific initiative is harmful to take. However, this line of reasoning is not sound because the vaccine's safety is based on its medical research and qualifications, hence, its side influences must be at a permissible level or at least warranted for use.
In conclusion, I wholeheartedly concede that the prioritized object of science is to improve the overall life’s quality for humanity.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In light of science’s proliferation" -> "Given the proliferation of science"
    Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat informal. "Given the proliferation of science" maintains formality while expressing the idea more concisely.

  2. "is thought to be of paramount importance" -> "is considered of paramount importance"
    Explanation: "Thought to be" is less formal. "Considered of paramount importance" is a more academically appropriate expression.

  3. "I agree that the chief priority of science" -> "I concur that the primary focus of science"
    Explanation: "I agree that" is casual; "I concur that" is more formal. "Chief priority" is also less formal, so replacing it with "primary focus" enhances the formality of the statement.

  4. "may serve individuals’ basic demands" -> "can meet individuals’ fundamental needs"
    Explanation: "May serve" is a bit uncertain, and "basic demands" is less formal. "Can meet individuals’ fundamental needs" is a more confident and formal expression.

  5. "positively ameliorating their psychological health" -> "positively enhancing their mental well-being"
    Explanation: "Positively ameliorating" is redundant; "positively enhancing" is more concise. "Psychological health" is less formal, while "mental well-being" is a more academically suitable term.

  6. "millions of people access on a daily basis" -> "millions of people access daily"
    Explanation: "on a daily basis" can be simplified to "daily" for a more concise and formal expression.

  7. "For the healthcare aspect" -> "From the healthcare perspective"
    Explanation: "For the healthcare aspect" is less formal. "From the healthcare perspective" is a more suitable and formal phrase.

  8. "conducive to the amelioration of people’s overall well-being" -> "conducive to improving people’s overall well-being"
    Explanation: "Conducive to the amelioration of" is verbose; "conducive to improving" is more concise. "Well-being" is an acceptable term, but "overall well-being" is a slightly more formal expression.

  9. "This is illustrated by the advent of the COVID-19 vaccines" -> "This is exemplified by the development of COVID-19 vaccines"
    Explanation: "Advent" is less formal. "Exemplified by the development of COVID-19 vaccines" is a more formal and precise alternative.

  10. "harmful to take" -> "inadvisable to receive"
    Explanation: "Harmful to take" is colloquial. "Inadvisable to receive" is a more formal and appropriate expression in the context of discussing vaccines.

  11. "its side influences must be at a permissible level" -> "its side effects must be within an acceptable range"
    Explanation: "Side influences" is informal; "side effects" is the preferred term. "At a permissible level" can be replaced with "within an acceptable range" for clarity and formality.

  12. "I wholeheartedly concede" -> "I wholeheartedly affirm"
    Explanation: "Concede" implies giving in or admitting defeat, which is not the intended meaning. "Affirm" is a more appropriate term to express strong agreement in a formal context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay appropriately addresses the main parts of the prompt by acknowledging the significance of science in enhancing human life, particularly through technology and healthcare. The inclusion of examples, such as smartphones and COVID-19 vaccines, demonstrates a reasonable attempt to cover various aspects of the question.
    • How to improve: While the coverage is adequate, consider providing a more nuanced exploration of opposing viewpoints to showcase a deeper understanding of the topic. This can enhance the overall depth and complexity of the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear, well-developed, and consistent position throughout. The stance that science should prioritize improving human life is evident from the introduction to the conclusion. The arguments supporting this position are logically organized and effectively presented.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity, consider explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the central message for the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The ideas presented are relevant, extended, and well-supported. The essay provides detailed examples, such as the role of technological devices and healthcare advancements, to substantiate the argument. The examples are elaborated upon to enhance the depth of the discussion.
    • How to improve: While the examples are strong, aim for even more depth in the analysis. For instance, elaborate on how specific technological advancements directly impact individuals’ lives or delve deeper into the mechanisms of healthcare inventions to showcase a comprehensive understanding.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains relevant to the essay prompt throughout, discussing both technological and healthcare aspects of science’s impact on human life. There are no significant deviations from the topic.
    • How to improve: To strengthen focus, ensure that each example directly relates to the central theme of improving human lives. Avoid introducing ideas that may be tangential to the main argument, maintaining a consistently focused discussion.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively communicates a position on the role of science in improving human life. To enhance the response, consider incorporating more nuanced perspectives, explicitly stating the thesis, and providing in-depth analyses of examples.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical progression of ideas. It begins with a concise introduction that states the writer’s opinion, followed by well-structured body paragraphs discussing the positive impacts of science on technology and healthcare. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points without introducing new ideas. The logical organization is evident in the flow from one paragraph to the next.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider ensuring a smooth transition between sentences and paragraphs. Explicitly connect ideas to reinforce the overall coherence. For instance, use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader through the essay more seamlessly.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with a clear structure and mostly logical sequencing of ideas within each paragraph. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the technological revolution or healthcare benefits. However, there could be minor improvements in the transition between paragraphs to strengthen the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Ensure that the first sentence of each paragraph introduces the main idea, and the following sentences support and develop that idea coherently. Use transitional words or phrases to create a smoother transition between paragraphs, guiding the reader through the logical progression of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a flexible use of cohesive devices, contributing to overall coherence. There is a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "admittedly," "regarding the former," "in terms of," "from the healthcare aspect," and "in conclusion," that help connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more precise or accurate.
    • How to improve: While the essay generally uses cohesive devices effectively, strive for greater accuracy in their application. Ensure that each linking word or phrase is used appropriately to convey the intended relationship between ideas. For instance, consider using more specific transition words to indicate cause-and-effect relationships or contrasts, enhancing the clarity of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To enhance the score further, focus on refining transitions between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring a more seamless and explicit connection of ideas throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms like "proliferation," "facets," "ubiquity," and "amelioration." However, the usage lacks the fluency and flexibility expected at a Band 8 level. The vocabulary, while diverse, could be employed more naturally to enhance coherence and convey precise meanings seamlessly. For instance, in the phrase "the ubiquity of technological devices," a more precise term could replace "ubiquity" for a clearer expression.
    • How to improve: To elevate vocabulary to a Band 8 level, focus on using words more contextually, ensuring they seamlessly integrate into sentences. Aim for a balance between diversity and fluency, selecting words that not only broaden your lexical range but also fit naturally within the essay’s flow.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally communicates its ideas clearly, but there are instances where vocabulary lacks precision, impacting the overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the technological revolution emerges as one of the most beneficial outcomes of scientific endeavors" could be more precisely expressed to enhance the reader’s understanding. While the meaning is discernible, there is room for improvement in choosing words that pinpoint ideas with greater accuracy.
    • How to improve: Strive for greater precision by selecting vocabulary that precisely conveys your intended meaning. Replace general terms with more specific ones, ensuring your ideas are communicated with clarity. For instance, instead of "beneficial outcomes," consider specifying the particular advantages or advancements brought about by the technological revolution.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally accurate spelling level, with few errors that do not significantly impede overall clarity. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "amelioration" instead of "improvement." While these errors do not hinder comprehension, achieving a Band 8 requires a higher level of spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spelling details, utilizing tools like spell-check to catch and correct minor errors. Proofread your work systematically to ensure a consistently high level of spelling accuracy. Additionally, focus on words that are critical to your essay’s meaning to avoid any potential misinterpretation due to spelling discrepancies.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences, compound sentences, and parallel structures are effectively employed. The use of transitional phrases, such as "Admittedly" and "In terms of," adds sophistication to the writing. The syntactic diversity contributes to a fluid and engaging expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: While the essay excels in utilizing a wide range of structures, consider incorporating more nuanced sentence structures, such as inverted sentences or conditional sentences. This can further elevate the complexity and depth of your writing, enhancing its overall richness.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The majority of the essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy. Complex sentences are handled adeptly, and there are only occasional minor errors. For instance, in the sentence "Admittedly, the technological revolution emerges as one of the most beneficial outcomes," the use of the present tense ("emerges") may slightly disrupt the overall tense consistency. Additionally, the phrase "people access on a daily basis" could be refined to "people access on a daily basis for entertainment purposes."
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to verb tense consistency throughout the essay. Ensure that verbs align with the temporal context of the discussion. Additionally, review sentence structures to identify opportunities for more precise expression, as demonstrated in the suggested revision.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 9

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of punctuation. Commas, semicolons, and colons are appropriately used, contributing to the overall clarity of the text. The punctuation enhances the flow of ideas and aids in creating well-structured, coherent paragraphs.
    • How to improve: Maintain this strong punctuation proficiency. As you continue writing, consider exploring the use of dashes or parentheses to add emphasis or provide additional information. These advanced punctuation marks can further enhance the sophistication of your writing without sacrificing clarity.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, aligning with a Band Score of 8. To further improve, focus on incorporating even more varied sentence structures, refining verb tense consistency, and continuing to master advanced punctuation usage.

Bài sửa mẫu

Given the proliferation of science, the primary focus should be on improving people’s lives, which is considered of paramount importance. I concur with the notion that science plays a crucial role in enhancing humanity’s well-being, particularly through its contributions to technology and healthcare.

The technological revolution stands out as one of the most beneficial outcomes of scientific endeavors, significantly influencing various aspects of life. The widespread use of technological devices, such as smartphones and computers, caters to individuals’ basic needs for entertainment and connection with others. Entertainment appliances, such as online games and social platforms, contribute to stress relief and relaxation, positively impacting psychological health. A prime example is YouTube, a popular social network with millions of daily users seeking entertainment through diverse content.

In terms of communication, online chatting has become increasingly prevalent due to its convenience and efficiency in sharing information over long distances. These technological advancements contribute to the overall improvement of individuals’ lives by fostering entertainment and efficient communication.

From a healthcare perspective, scientific research has numerous positive impacts on human well-being. Various healthcare inventions contribute to the enhancement of overall health and an increase in life expectancy. A notable example is the development of COVID-19 vaccines, designed to protect individuals from the hazardous flu virus and boost human resistance. Additionally, scientific advancements help mitigate the impact of cancer through the development of painkillers and dietary supplements, easing the treatment process and improving outcomes.

While some may argue that vaccines have adverse effects, it is important to note that their safety is rooted in thorough medical research and qualifications. The side effects must be within an acceptable range or warranted for use, making the initiative a safe and beneficial contribution to public health.

In conclusion, I wholeheartedly affirm that the primary focus of science should be on improving the overall quality of life for humanity. The advancements in technology and healthcare positively contribute to meeting individuals’ fundamental needs and enhancing their mental well-being.

Bài viết liên quan

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

119K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

149K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

299K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K

159K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K

199K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

  • Hoàn tiền 30 ngày

    Bạn được đảm bảo trong 30 ngày đầu tiên được phép hoàn tiền bất kỳ lúc nào với bất kỳ lý do nào.

VIP

499K

399K/th

Learner

  • 10 bài chấm/ ngày

  • Tốc độ trả bài chậm

  • Có thể không truy cập được ở giờ cao điểm

Plus

199K/th

  • Không giới hạn bài chấm

  • Tốc độ trả bài nhanh hơn

  • Truy cập 24/7

Best for Teacher

Premium

249K/th

  • Gói Plus

  • Hỗ trợ kĩ thuật

  • Xuất file Word/Google Docs kèm comments: Link Demo

    - Bài chấm sẽ dc xuất kèm comments gợi ý vocab
    - File Word có thể dc up lên Google Docs và các comments sẽ dc giữ nguyên
    - Các comments có thể dc chỉnh sửa theo ý muốn của gv
    - File Word cá nhân hóa & White label

VIP

499K/th

  • Everthing in Premium

  • Hand Writing Image Recognition

  • Better Accuracy with GPT-4

  • Early Access to New features

    - Speaking Feedback

  • Customization

    We help with minor customizations to get it working just right.

  • Support Development of New Features

    • Speaking Practice
    • Classroom Management (e.g., Google Class Room)
    • Reading Practice
    • Listening Practice