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the most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

the most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

People usually have divided views on the ultimate objective of science should be enhance people’s lives. I completely agree with this notion that human existence should be the central goal of scientific endeavors.
For one thing, scientific advancements have led to significant improvement in healthcare. Medical research and breakthroughs have resulted in the discovery of live- saving treatments, vaccines, and diagnostic tools. In addition, scientific progress has led to advancements in technology and innovation, which have changed various aspects of daily life. From the invention of electricity and the Internet, science has revolutionized the way people communicate, work and navigale the world.
On the contracy, there are people who believed that protecting the evironment and minimizing animals suffering are as important and science should be for evironment. For intance plastic has benefited in numerous ways but millions of tonnes of plastic bags are discharged into the oceans, lake, contributing to pollution. If science prioritize human over the evironment, any eventions and discoveries made might eventually cause harm to human.
After looking a both side of the argument, It is clear that science invention should be aim to balance both human’s lives and environmetal protection. This is because through advencement in healthcare solving sociel challenges and in environment contributing a green habitat for human living.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "People usually have divided views" -> "Opinions are often divided"
    Explanation: "Opinions are often divided" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea, avoiding the colloquial "people usually have."

  2. "should be enhance" -> "should be enhanced"
    Explanation: "Should be enhanced" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the passive voice required in formal academic writing.

  3. "I completely agree with this notion" -> "I strongly support this perspective"
    Explanation: "I strongly support this perspective" is more formal and precise, replacing the colloquial "completely agree" and "notion."

  4. "human existence" -> "human well-being"
    Explanation: "Human well-being" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "human existence," which is somewhat vague and broad.

  5. "Medical research and breakthroughs" -> "Medical research and breakthroughs in medicine"
    Explanation: Adding "in medicine" clarifies the context and specificity of the research, enhancing the academic tone.

  6. "live- saving treatments" -> "life-saving treatments"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "live-" to "life-," ensuring accuracy and professionalism.

  7. "navigale" -> "navigate"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "navigale" to "navigate," ensuring the text is free of typos.

  8. "On the contracy" -> "On the contrary"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "contracy" to "contrary," which is the correct term for expressing opposition.

  9. "believed that protecting the evironment and minimizing animals suffering" -> "believe that protecting the environment and minimizing animal suffering"
    Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and uses "animal" instead of "animals" for consistency in subject-verb agreement.

  10. "science should be for evironment" -> "science should prioritize the environment"
    Explanation: "Science should prioritize the environment" corrects the grammatical structure and clarifies the intended meaning.

  11. "plastic has benefited in numerous ways" -> "plastic has benefited in numerous ways"
    Explanation: This is a typographical error; the word "has" should be repeated for grammatical correctness.

  12. "lake, contributing to pollution" -> "lakes, contributing to pollution"
    Explanation: Corrects the plural form "lake" to "lakes" to match the context of multiple bodies of water.

  13. "any eventions and discoveries made" -> "any inventions and discoveries made"
    Explanation: Corrects the misspelling "eventions" to "inventions," ensuring accuracy and clarity.

  14. "It is clear that science invention" -> "It is clear that scientific inventions"
    Explanation: "Scientific inventions" corrects the grammatical structure and pluralizes "invention" to match the plural context.

  15. "solve sociel challenges" -> "solve social challenges"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "sociel" to "social," ensuring accuracy and professionalism.

  16. "contributing a green habitat for human living" -> "contributing to a green habitat for human habitation"
    Explanation: "Contributing to a green habitat for human habitation" corrects the grammatical structure and uses "habitation" for a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the importance of science in improving people’s lives and acknowledging opposing views regarding environmental concerns. However, it does not fully explore the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. The conclusion suggests a balance between human welfare and environmental protection but lacks a clear stance on the original statement, which affects the overall response.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should explicitly state their position on the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. A more structured approach, perhaps dedicating separate paragraphs to each viewpoint, would enhance clarity.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay starts with a clear agreement with the notion that science should enhance lives, it becomes muddled when discussing environmental concerns. The phrase "science invention should be aim to balance both human’s lives and environmental protection" introduces ambiguity about the author’s position, making it difficult for the reader to understand the primary argument.
    • How to improve: The writer should maintain a consistent position by clearly stating their viewpoint in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. Using transitional phrases to connect ideas and reinforce the main argument would also help maintain clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas, such as advancements in healthcare and technology, but these points are not sufficiently extended or supported with specific examples. For instance, while the author mentions medical breakthroughs, they do not provide specific instances or data to illustrate the impact of these advancements on people’s lives.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or case studies that illustrate the benefits of scientific advancements. Additionally, elaborating on counterarguments with more depth would strengthen the overall discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly in the discussion of environmental issues. While acknowledging the importance of environmental protection is relevant, the argument becomes convoluted and detracts from the primary focus on improving human lives through science.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the central thesis. It might be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the main argument without introducing unrelated ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic but requires clearer structure, more specific examples, and a consistent position to improve its effectiveness and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, asserting that the primary aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. However, the organization of ideas could be more coherent. The first body paragraph effectively discusses advancements in healthcare and technology, which supports the main argument. The second body paragraph introduces a counterargument but lacks a smooth transition and clear connection to the main thesis. For example, the phrase "On the contrary" is used, but the subsequent discussion does not clearly link back to the initial claim about the importance of human life.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that directly relate each paragraph back to the thesis. Additionally, transitional phrases could be employed to better connect the ideas between paragraphs, such as "While advancements in healthcare are crucial, it is also essential to consider…" This would help maintain a cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs, but the structure within them could be improved. The first paragraph introduces the main argument well, but the second paragraph lacks clarity and focus, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument. The final paragraph attempts to summarize the discussion but does not effectively encapsulate the main points or provide a strong conclusion.
    • How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could begin with a sentence that clearly states the counterargument before discussing its implications. Additionally, the conclusion should succinctly restate the main argument and provide a final thought, reinforcing the essay’s overall message.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "For one thing" and "In addition," which help to link ideas within the first paragraph. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that disrupt the flow. For example, phrases like "the ultimate objective of science should be enhance people’s lives" contain grammatical mistakes that hinder clarity.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "Conversely," to clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall coherence of the essay. For instance, correcting "should be enhance" to "should be to enhance" would improve clarity and cohesion.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to a stronger overall argument and a potentially higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "scientific advancements," "healthcare," "breakthroughs," and "innovation." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "scientific progress" and "scientific endeavors." Additionally, the use of phrases like "live-saving treatments" and "significant improvement" could be varied to enhance the richness of the language.
    • How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "scientific advancements," you could use "scientific innovations," "research developments," or "technological progress." This will help to create a more engaging and diverse vocabulary throughout the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the ultimate objective of science should be enhance people’s lives," which should read "to enhance people’s lives." Additionally, "protecting the evironment" should be "the environment," and "contributing to pollution" could be more clearly stated as "which contributes to pollution." These inaccuracies can lead to confusion and detract from the clarity of the argument.
    • How to improve: Focus on ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity in your vocabulary choices. Proofreading for grammatical structures and ensuring that phrases are complete will enhance precision. For example, revise sentences to ensure they follow standard grammatical conventions, such as "the ultimate objective of science should be to enhance people’s lives."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, including "contracy" (which should be "contrary"), "evironment" (which should be "environment"), "intance" (which should be "instance"), "navigale" (which should be "navigate"), and "sociel" (which should be "social"). These errors can undermine the overall impression of the essay and distract the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it specifically for spelling errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through exercises or using spell-check tools can help reinforce correct spelling in your writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For example, the use of simple sentences predominates, such as "I completely agree with this notion that human existence should be the central goal of scientific endeavors." While there are some compound sentences, such as "From the invention of electricity and the Internet, science has revolutionized the way people communicate, work and navigale the world," the overall variety is insufficient. The essay lacks complex structures that could enhance clarity and sophistication.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences. For instance, combining ideas using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "Although scientific advancements improve healthcare, they must also consider environmental impacts") can create a more nuanced argument. Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using different grammatical forms (e.g., gerunds, infinitives) can enhance the overall flow and complexity of the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "the ultimate objective of science should be enhance people’s lives" should be corrected to "the ultimate objective of science should be to enhance people’s lives." There are also misspellings, such as "navigale" (navigate), "contracy" (contrary), and "evironment" (environment). Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing comma before "and" in lists (e.g., "work and navigale the world"), contribute to a lack of clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully to catch spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify mistakes. Practicing writing complex sentences and focusing on common grammatical structures will build confidence and accuracy. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for lists and conjunctions, will enhance clarity in writing.

Overall, while the essay presents a relevant argument, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

People usually have divided opinions on whether the ultimate objective of science should be to enhance people’s lives. I strongly support the notion that human well-being should be the central goal of scientific endeavors.

For one thing, scientific advancements have led to significant improvements in healthcare. Medical research and breakthroughs in medicine have resulted in the discovery of life-saving treatments, vaccines, and diagnostic tools. In addition, scientific progress has led to advancements in technology and innovation, which have transformed various aspects of daily life. From the invention of electricity to the Internet, science has revolutionized the way people communicate, work, and navigate the world.

On the contrary, some people believe that protecting the environment and minimizing animal suffering are equally important, and that science should prioritize the environment. For instance, while plastic has benefited society in numerous ways, millions of tonnes of plastic bags are discharged into the oceans and lakes, contributing to pollution. If science prioritizes human needs over environmental concerns, any inventions and discoveries made might eventually cause harm to humanity.

After considering both sides of the argument, it is clear that scientific inventions should aim to balance both human lives and environmental protection. This is because advancements in healthcare can help solve social challenges while also contributing to a green habitat for human habitation.

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