The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many individuals believe that it is crucial for science to contribute to improvements in humans' lives. From my perspective, I totally agree with this notion as with the help of scientific developments, people can progress rapidly in terms of medical innovations, along with communication and technology.

One prime reason supporting the belief in which the foremost aim of science is to improve people's lives is that science is the main contributor that the medical departments benefit from. Medical inventions and innovations that are implemented, including vaccines, professional equipment, and a variety of medicines, thanks to comprehensive scientific research and findings. By that, the general health condition of the world population as a whole is enhanced with precise treatments and appropriate curings. To illustrate, Vietnam has succeeded in minimizing the heart attack rate among the population over the last decades by emphasizing the significance of medical research into prevention and medications, such as attempting to establish heart-attack-deterring equipment. Therefore, the aim of science should be determined as the main factor that helps improve people's lives in terms of medical innovations as it prevents people from risks of diseases and severe health conditions.

Another point supporting why the most crucial aim of science should be the improvement of individuals' lives is that the means of communication and technology can be best developed with the help of science. As communication and technology are the two fields that are significantly based on scientific foundations, they require innovative insights and proper directions to develop. Therefore, it is crucial to determine the main aim of science to be to make more significant communicative and technical innovations as these aspects partly control the ability of nations' globalization and integration, which helps develop countries' various perspectives, such as industrial revolutions or better international relationships. For instance, Germany offers a larger range of opportunities for university students to study in science departments as it aims to facilitate people's lives by hoping for more graduated engineers who are professional in constructing and inventing technological devices, hence becoming one of the countries in the world that are the pioneers in technology. As in the mentioned benefit, it is understandable why the main purpose of science is to make people's lives beneficial because technology and communication are one of the main contributors to the world's development.

In conclusion, I completely agree with the notion in which people should consider that the main aim of science is to improve people's lives because it notably benefits the world in terms of medical purposes, along with communication and technology.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Many individuals believe" -> "Many people believe"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is slightly more formal than "people," but "people" is more commonly used in academic writing to refer to humans in general, making it more suitable for this context.

2. "totally agree" -> "strongly agree"
   Explanation: "Totally" is somewhat informal and can be seen as overly emphatic for academic writing. "Strongly agree" maintains a formal tone while conveying the same level of agreement.

3. "with the help of scientific developments" -> "through scientific advancements"
   Explanation: "With the help of" is somewhat informal and vague. "Through" is more precise and academically appropriate, emphasizing the role of scientific advancements in facilitating progress.

4. "people can progress rapidly" -> "individuals can advance significantly"
   Explanation: "Progress rapidly" is somewhat informal and imprecise. "Advance significantly" is more formal and specific, fitting better in an academic context.

5. "the foremost aim of science is to improve people’s lives" -> "the primary objective of science is to enhance human well-being"
   Explanation: "Foremost aim" is less formal and slightly awkward. "Primary objective" is more precise and formal, and "enhance human well-being" is a more comprehensive and academically appropriate phrase than "improve people’s lives."

6. "the main contributor that the medical departments benefit from" -> "the primary source from which medical departments benefit"
   Explanation: "The main contributor that" is awkward and unclear. "The primary source from which" is clearer and more formal, improving the sentence structure.

7. "thanks to comprehensive scientific research and findings" -> "owing to extensive scientific research and discoveries"
   Explanation: "Thanks to" is informal and conversational. "Owing to" is more formal, and "discoveries" is more precise than "findings" in the context of scientific research.

8. "the general health condition of the world population as a whole" -> "the overall health of the global population"
   Explanation: "The general health condition of the world population as a whole" is verbose and awkward. "The overall health of the global population" is concise and maintains the formal tone.

9. "heart-attack-deterring equipment" -> "equipment designed to prevent heart attacks"
   Explanation: "Heart-attack-deterring" is awkward and not standard. "Equipment designed to prevent heart attacks" is clearer and more formal.

10. "the most crucial aim of science should be the improvement of individuals’ lives" -> "the paramount objective of science should be the enhancement of human life"
    Explanation: "The most crucial aim" is slightly informal and vague. "The paramount objective" is more formal and precise, and "enhancement of human life" is a more comprehensive and formal phrase than "improvement of individuals’ lives."

11. "the means of communication and technology can be best developed" -> "the fields of communication and technology can be most effectively developed"
    Explanation: "The means of" is less precise than "the fields of," which directly refers to the disciplines. "Can be best developed" is informal and vague; "can be most effectively developed" is more specific and formal.

12. "partly control the ability of nations’ globalization and integration" -> "significantly influence national globalization and integration"
    Explanation: "Partly control" is vague and informal. "Significantly influence" is more precise and formal, and "national globalization and integration" is a clearer and more appropriate term than "nations’ globalization and integration."

13. "make people’s lives beneficial" -> "benefit people’s lives"
    Explanation: "Make people’s lives beneficial" is awkward and redundant. "Benefit people’s lives" is concise and maintains the formal tone.

14. "I completely agree" -> "I strongly agree"
    Explanation: "Completely" is informal and can be seen as overly emphatic. "Strongly" is more appropriate for academic writing, maintaining a formal tone without being overly emphatic.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the writer’s agreement with the notion that the primary aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. The writer provides two main arguments: one focusing on medical advancements and the other on communication and technology. Each argument is supported with relevant examples, such as the success of Vietnam in reducing heart attack rates and Germany’s focus on technological education. This comprehensive approach ensures that all parts of the question are answered.
  • How to improve: To further enhance this aspect, the writer could consider acknowledging potential counterarguments or alternative views. For instance, discussing areas where science may not prioritize human benefit, such as environmental concerns or ethical dilemmas, would provide a more balanced perspective and demonstrate critical thinking.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that science should prioritize improving lives. Phrases like "I totally agree with this notion" and "the aim of science should be determined as the main factor" reinforce the writer’s stance. However, the use of "notion" could be perceived as slightly vague, which may detract from the overall assertiveness of the position.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use more definitive language and avoid phrases that might imply uncertainty. For example, instead of "I totally agree," stating "I firmly believe" would convey a stronger commitment to the argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents well-structured ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The use of examples, such as Vietnam’s medical advancements and Germany’s educational initiatives, effectively supports the claims made. However, some points could benefit from deeper exploration. For instance, the mention of "heart-attack-deterring equipment" could be elaborated upon to clarify its significance.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples to extend their ideas further. Incorporating statistics or more specific case studies could enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, consistently relating back to the central idea of science’s role in improving lives. Each point made is relevant and contributes to the overall argument. There are no significant deviations from the topic, which is commendable.
  • How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the writer should ensure that all examples directly tie back to the main argument. For instance, when discussing Germany’s educational initiatives, it would be beneficial to explicitly connect how these initiatives lead to improvements in people’s lives, reinforcing the essay’s central thesis.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the writer’s position. By incorporating more counterarguments, using assertive language, providing deeper elaboration on examples, and ensuring all points are tightly connected to the main argument, the writer could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph presents a distinct argument supporting the thesis that science should aim to improve people’s lives. The first body paragraph focuses on medical advancements, while the second discusses communication and technology. This logical organization aids the reader’s understanding of the arguments presented. However, the transitions between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother; for example, the transition from discussing medical innovations to the broader implications of technology could be more clearly articulated.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that explicitly connect back to the main thesis. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly. For instance, phrases like "In addition to medical advancements, technology also plays a crucial role…" can create a stronger link between the two main points.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph is focused on a single aspect of the argument, which helps maintain coherence. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer internal structure. The examples provided are relevant but could be better integrated into the argument to enhance the overall effectiveness of the paragraph.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear internal structure, starting with a topic sentence that outlines the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. For instance, in the second body paragraph, after stating the importance of communication and technology, explicitly link the example of Germany’s educational opportunities back to how this contributes to improving people’s lives.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "for instance," and "as a result," which help to connect ideas and maintain flow. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. Some phrases are repeated, which can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous. For example, the phrase "the main aim of science" appears multiple times without variation.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "the main aim of science," you could use "the primary objective of scientific inquiry" or "the fundamental goal of scientific research." Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance the overall cohesion of the essay. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences will help maintain the reader’s interest and improve the flow of ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of science and its impact on human life. Phrases such as "medical innovations," "scientific developments," and "heart-attack-deterring equipment" indicate a solid grasp of topic-specific terminology. However, some vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive, such as "improve people’s lives," which appears multiple times. This repetition can detract from the overall lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical range, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly stating "improve people’s lives," alternatives like "enhance quality of life," "benefit society," or "advance human welfare" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the descriptions provided.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the main contributor that the medical departments benefit from" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. The term "appropriate curings" is also somewhat vague and could be replaced with more precise terminology such as "effective treatments" or "therapeutic solutions."
  • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. When discussing complex ideas, ensure that the vocabulary used conveys the intended meaning without ambiguity. For instance, instead of saying "the means of communication and technology can be best developed with the help of science," one might say, "scientific advancements are essential for the evolution of communication and technology." This not only improves precision but also enhances the overall flow of the argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "vaccines," "innovations," and "significance" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: While spelling is accurate, continued practice is essential to maintain this standard. Regularly reading academic texts and writing exercises can help reinforce correct spelling. Additionally, utilizing spelling check tools during the drafting process can catch any inadvertent mistakes before final submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are areas for improvement. Expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases such as "thanks to comprehensive scientific research and findings" and "as communication and technology are the two fields that are significantly based on scientific foundations" showcases the writer’s ability to construct sentences that convey detailed information effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way reasons are introduced (e.g., "One prime reason supporting the belief…" and "Another point supporting why…"). This could limit the overall impression of variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly using "One prime reason" or "Another point," alternatives such as "A significant factor contributing to this view is…" or "Additionally, it can be argued that…" could be employed. Furthermore, integrating more conditional sentences or participial phrases could add depth and complexity to the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. The use of punctuation is mostly correct, aiding in the clarity of the arguments presented. However, there are minor grammatical issues, such as in the phrase "the main contributor that the medical departments benefit from," which could be more clearly expressed as "the main contributor from which medical departments benefit." Additionally, the phrase "thanks to comprehensive scientific research and findings" could be more effectively punctuated to enhance readability.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence constructions to avoid awkward phrasing. Regular practice with sentence rephrasing can help identify and correct these issues. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, would be beneficial. For example, ensuring that introductory clauses are followed by a comma can enhance the flow of ideas. Engaging in peer reviews or utilizing grammar-checking tools could also provide valuable feedback on grammatical accuracy.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By addressing the noted areas for improvement, the writer can further elevate their writing quality and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many individuals believe that it is crucial for science to contribute to improvements in human lives. From my perspective, I strongly agree with this notion, as with the help of scientific developments, people can advance significantly in terms of medical innovations, as well as communication and technology.

One prime reason supporting the belief that the foremost aim of science is to improve people’s lives is that science is the primary source from which medical departments benefit. Medical inventions and innovations, including vaccines, professional equipment, and a variety of medicines, are implemented thanks to extensive scientific research and discoveries. As a result, the overall health of the global population is enhanced through precise treatments and appropriate cures. To illustrate, Vietnam has succeeded in minimizing the heart attack rate among the population over the last few decades by emphasizing the significance of medical research into prevention and medications, such as developing equipment designed to prevent heart attacks. Therefore, the aim of science should be determined as the main factor that helps improve people’s lives in terms of medical innovations, as it prevents individuals from the risks of diseases and severe health conditions.

Another point supporting why the most crucial aim of science should be the improvement of individuals’ lives is that the fields of communication and technology can be most effectively developed with the help of science. As communication and technology are two fields that are significantly based on scientific foundations, they require innovative insights and proper directions to develop. Therefore, it is crucial to determine the main aim of science to be to make more significant communicative and technical innovations, as these aspects partly control the ability of nations’ globalization and integration, which helps develop countries’ various perspectives, such as industrial revolutions or better international relationships. For instance, Germany offers a larger range of opportunities for university students to study in science departments, as it aims to facilitate people’s lives by hoping for more graduated engineers who are professionals in constructing and inventing technological devices, hence becoming one of the countries in the world that are pioneers in technology. Given this benefit, it is understandable why the primary objective of science is to enhance human well-being, as technology and communication are among the main contributors to the world’s development.

In conclusion, I completely agree with the notion that people should consider the main aim of science to be the improvement of people’s lives, as it notably benefits the world in terms of medical purposes, along with communication and technology.