The range of technology available is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor. Others think it has an opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether the distance between the rich and poor is either widened or shortened by the availability of technologies. While it is true that robust developments in the technology field can strengthen the wealth of the advantaged but cannot ameliorate the current situations of the disadvantaged, I strongly believe this trend supports the latter rather than the former one as long as the compassion and altruism are still existing in people over time.

Advocates of the former belief champion the fact that the accessible range of technology is undoubtedly boosting the rich’s possession, but at the same time, it cannot mitigate the poor’s destitution. This is because due to the blooming of the new era, scientific innovations and gadgets are outstanding in the current market, ensuring their stand and importance among their counterparts. Therefore, with the current advantageous background, the rich can thrive within the world where new technologies are cherished by an accurate investment, ultimately enhancing their current wealth to be more significant since their monetary backup investment is abundant. Concurrently, the prices of these cutting-edge gadgets are usually prohibitively expensive, which means that others without a wealthy background are not likely to invest their money within this realm. Hence, not only the poor might not alleviate their current situations, but they may also be threatened of being replaced by the wide range of practical machines, eventually pushing them to the verge of unemployment.

However, even though the wealth’s distance between the rich and poor might be widened by the accessibility of a wide range of technology, it is not likely to affect the gap between them as long as there is still compassion and sympathy. Due to the advancements of social media as the part of a wide range of technology, the stories relating to the disadvantaged might be widespread and eventually reach the advantaged. With the people who show their sympathy toward the poor, the helping charity or organization will be created, therefore assisting the poor to escape their current shortage. Ultimately, the assistant forms the clear evidence of their closeness, mitigating the wealth gap by compassion and altruism. For instance, many billionaires worldwide, such as Bill Gates or Elon Musk, have donated and founded many volunteering organizations to help out the poor conditions in many of the African countries, creating for them opportunities in both food and education. This illustration repeatedly demonstrates that the wide range of technology will shorten the gap from people to people, especially in the cases of the rich helping out the poor.

In conclusion, the availability of a wide range of technology, on one hand, can distance the difference in wealth between the two different aforementioned individuals, but it is not likely to affect the probability that the advantaged helps out the disadvantaged in general. As long as there is sympathy and humanity, the gap between people cannot be shortened by any outside factors

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided" -> "Opinions are varied"
Explanation: "Varied" is a more precise term that conveys the diversity of opinions without the slightly informal connotation of "divided."
"the availability of technologies" -> "the availability of technology"
Explanation: Using the singular form "technology" corrects the grammatical error and aligns with the context, as the essay discusses the impact of technology as a whole rather than multiple technologies.
"cannot ameliorate the current situations" -> "cannot improve the current situations"
Explanation: "Ameliorate" is a less common and slightly archaic term; "improve" is more straightforward and commonly used in academic writing.
"the latter rather than the former one" -> "the latter rather than the former"
Explanation: Removing "one" simplifies the phrase and maintains the formal tone without redundancy.
"the accessible range of technology" -> "the accessibility of technology"
Explanation: "Accessibility" is a more precise term that directly relates to the ease of use or availability of technology, enhancing clarity and formality.
"boosting the rich’s possession" -> "enhancing the wealth of the affluent"
Explanation: "Enhancing the wealth of the affluent" is more formal and precise, replacing the awkward and informal "boosting the rich’s possession."
"monetary backup investment" -> "financial resources"
Explanation: "Financial resources" is a more formal and accurate term than "monetary backup investment," which is unclear and informal.
"not likely to invest their money within this realm" -> "unlikely to invest in these technologies"
Explanation: "Unlikely to invest in these technologies" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague "within this realm."
"threatened of being replaced" -> "at risk of being replaced"
Explanation: "At risk of being replaced" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic writing than "threatened of being replaced."
"the verge of unemployment" -> "the brink of unemployment"
Explanation: "The brink of unemployment" is a more formal and precise expression than "the verge of unemployment."
"the stories relating to the disadvantaged" -> "stories about the disadvantaged"
Explanation: "Stories about the disadvantaged" is a more natural and formal way to express the idea.
"the helping charity or organization" -> "charitable organizations"
Explanation: "Charitable organizations" is a more precise and formal term than "the helping charity or organization."
"assistant forms the clear evidence" -> "this assistance serves as clear evidence"
Explanation: "This assistance serves as clear evidence" is more grammatically correct and formal, improving the flow and clarity of the sentence.
"the wide range of technology" -> "the technological advancements"
Explanation: "The technological advancements" is a more specific and formal term than "the wide range of technology."
"people to people" -> "individuals"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "people," fitting better in an academic context.
"the two different aforementioned individuals" -> "the two groups mentioned"
Explanation: "The two groups mentioned" is clearer and more formal than "the two different aforementioned individuals," which is awkward and verbose.
"the probability that the advantaged helps out the disadvantaged" -> "the likelihood that the affluent assist the disadvantaged"
Explanation: "The likelihood that the affluent assist the disadvantaged" uses more precise and formal vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the impact of technology on the wealth gap. The first part discusses how technology can widen the gap, emphasizing the advantages that the wealthy have in accessing and investing in new technologies. The second part presents the counterargument that technology can also foster compassion and support for the disadvantaged, illustrated with relevant examples such as charitable actions by billionaires. However, while both perspectives are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the arguments, as the second view is less developed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples and evidence for both sides of the argument. For instance, discussing how technology has been used to create opportunities for the poor, such as through online education or microfinancing, would provide a more comprehensive view. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two perspectives in separate paragraphs could improve clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of the idea that technology can help bridge the gap between the rich and the poor, particularly through acts of compassion. This position is maintained throughout the essay, with the conclusion reiterating this belief. However, the initial statement could be clearer in articulating the writer’s stance, as it somewhat ambiguously presents both views before asserting a preference.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the introduction could explicitly outline the writer’s opinion right after presenting the topic. Using phrases like "I firmly believe that…" at the beginning would set a clearer tone. Additionally, reinforcing the position in each paragraph would help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding the impact of technology on wealth disparity and the role of compassion. The use of examples, such as the philanthropic efforts of billionaires, effectively supports the argument. However, some points, particularly in the first half, could be more thoroughly developed. For instance, the discussion on how technology can lead to unemployment is mentioned but not fully explored.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with additional details and examples. For instance, discussing specific technologies that have contributed to job creation or loss would provide a more nuanced view. Furthermore, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis will strengthen the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely on topic, discussing the effects of technology on the wealth gap. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the role of compassion without directly linking it back to technology. The conclusion also introduces a somewhat vague statement about "outside factors," which could confuse the reader regarding the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly ties back to the central theme of technology’s impact on the wealth gap. Avoiding vague statements in the conclusion and instead summarizing the key arguments made about technology will help reinforce the topic. Additionally, ensuring that all examples are explicitly linked to the prompt will enhance coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to first present the argument that technology widens the gap, followed by the counterargument that it can help close the gap. However, the transition between ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the wealthy benefiting from technology to the potential for compassion to mitigate the gap feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly. Ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus and that the ideas build upon one another will strengthen the overall coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, with the first addressing the argument that technology widens the gap and the second countering that with the potential for technology to foster compassion. However, some paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For example, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the role of social media in raising awareness and another on the actions of wealthy individuals.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider starting each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. Additionally, breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones can help maintain reader engagement and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "therefore," and "for instance," which help connect ideas and provide examples. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "this is because" is used repetitively, which can detract from the essay’s overall fluidity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using alternatives like "in addition," "furthermore," or "consequently" can enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help avoid repetition and create a more cohesive narrative.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraph structures, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with phrases such as "robust developments," "ameliorate the current situations," and "prohibitively expensive." These expressions reflect a good command of language and the ability to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or precise. For example, the phrase "the distance between the rich and poor" could be replaced with "the wealth gap" for more natural phrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "wealth" and "poor," consider alternatives such as "affluent," "underprivileged," "economic disparity," or "financially disadvantaged." This would not only enrich the essay but also demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "cutting-edge gadgets" and "social media," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the rich’s possession," which could be more clearly stated as "the wealth of the rich." Additionally, phrases like "the current advantageous background" are somewhat vague and could be articulated more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in their word choices. For example, instead of "the current advantageous background," consider using "the current economic climate" or "the prevailing market conditions." This will help ensure that the vocabulary used directly supports the argument being made.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors present. Words like "ameliorate," "destitution," and "altruism" are spelled correctly, showcasing the writer’s attention to detail. However, there are a few instances where spelling could be improved, such as "the assistant forms the clear evidence," where "assistant" should be "assistance."
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and ensuring that all terms are used correctly. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch errors that may be overlooked during the writing process.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 7 for Lexical Resource, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider variety of vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can elevate their lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "While it is true that robust developments in the technology field can strengthen the wealth of the advantaged but cannot ameliorate the current situations of the disadvantaged" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, the essay also contains instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the wealth’s distance between the rich and poor might be widened," which could be expressed more clearly. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the accessible range of technology" and "the wide range of practical machines" indicates some redundancy in vocabulary choice.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to connect ideas. For example, using phrases like "In contrast," or "Conversely," could help in clearly delineating opposing viewpoints. Additionally, reducing redundancy by varying word choice (e.g., using "wealth gap" instead of "wealth’s distance") would improve clarity and engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are some issues with punctuation and sentence clarity. For example, the phrase "the compassion and altruism are still existing in people over time" could be simplified to "compassion and altruism still exist among people." Moreover, the use of commas is inconsistent, particularly in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. For instance, in the sentence "This is because due to the blooming of the new era, scientific innovations and gadgets are outstanding in the current market," the phrase "due to the blooming of the new era" could be better integrated into the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on simplifying complex sentences where possible and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly to enhance readability. Practicing the use of commas, especially in lists and before conjunctions in compound sentences, will help clarify meaning. Additionally, reviewing the placement of modifiers can help avoid ambiguity, ensuring that the intended meaning is clear.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, but there are opportunities for improvement in sentence variety and grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether the distance between the rich and the poor is either widened or shortened by the availability of technology. While it is true that robust developments in the technology field can strengthen the wealth of the advantaged but cannot improve the current situations of the disadvantaged, I strongly believe this trend supports the latter rather than the former as long as compassion and altruism still exist in people over time.

Advocates of the former belief champion the fact that the accessibility of technology is undoubtedly boosting the rich’s possessions, but at the same time, it cannot mitigate the poor’s destitution. This is because, due to the blooming of the new era, scientific innovations and gadgets are outstanding in the current market, ensuring their significance among their counterparts. Therefore, with the current advantageous background, the rich can thrive in a world where new technologies are cherished through accurate investment, ultimately enhancing their current wealth to be more significant since their financial resources are abundant. Concurrently, the prices of these cutting-edge gadgets are usually prohibitively expensive, which means that others without a wealthy background are unlikely to invest their money in this realm. Hence, not only might the poor not alleviate their current situations, but they may also be at risk of being replaced by the wide range of practical machines, eventually pushing them to the brink of unemployment.

However, even though the wealth gap between the rich and poor might be widened by the accessibility of technology, it is unlikely to affect the gap between them as long as there is still compassion and sympathy. Due to the advancements of social media as part of the technological landscape, stories about the disadvantaged might be widespread and eventually reach the advantaged. With people showing their sympathy toward the poor, charitable organizations will be created, thereby assisting the poor in escaping their current shortages. Ultimately, this assistance serves as clear evidence of their closeness, mitigating the wealth gap through compassion and altruism. For instance, many billionaires worldwide, such as Bill Gates or Elon Musk, have donated to and founded many volunteering organizations to help improve the poor conditions in many African countries, creating opportunities in both food and education. This illustration repeatedly demonstrates that the availability of technology can shorten the gap between people, especially in cases of the rich helping the poor.

In conclusion, the availability of a wide range of technology, on one hand, can widen the difference in wealth between the two groups mentioned, but it is unlikely to affect the likelihood that the advantaged assist the disadvantaged in general. As long as there is sympathy and humanity, the gap between people cannot be narrowed by any outside factors.