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The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree?

The society would benefit from a ban on all forms of advertising because it serves no useful purpose, and can even be damaging. Do you agree or disagree?

Due to the development of the digital age, networking sites have a growing influence in the modern world. This would result in different organizations taking advantage of social networking sites by putting a great deal of advertising in users’ newsfeeds on social platforms. Some people believe that advertising content should be banned as it has no advantages. However, I strongly believe that promotions should not be prohibited, as they are advantageous to many people.

There is a common belief that advertisements have no benefits, and they can even be disastrous to certain levels. This may be due to the consequences of defrauders’ activities in online shops. For example, on Facebook, there are a lot of accounts that are cloned or fake; cheaters can make use of this and trade with buyers, putting many individuals in a scam situation. Furthermore, in recent days, most social platforms like Spotify or Youtube have made endeavors by positioning advertisements after every single video or song with the aim of prompting users to purchase premium accounts. For these reasons, users frequently feel unsatisfied and have a tendency to avoid using these apps, making them more likely to find free apps with a higher level of gratification.

However, I am prone to believe that advertisements have more benefits than detrimental effects. Firstly, it can be advantageous to a lot of people, such as content creators, singers, and entertaining companies. The money they receive from users could be an encouragement that can stimulate these people to put out more quality videos. This can be highly beneficial for both users and amusement companies. In addition, with people who like to purchase products by watching random advertisements on social media, this can be a strong point for these people to keep using social media as a tool for them to buy things they have a desire to buy. To illustrate, Instagram or Facebook choose to track users’ activities on their platforms and then suggest relevant products for users. This is probably a convenient tool for certain types of users.

In conclusion, it is possible to perceive that annoying advertisements can make people experience unpleasant feelings and can result in more cheating situations on networking sites. Nevertheless, prohibiting advertisements is not necessarily the case, as advertisements also bring benefits to many people, stimulate a more comprehensive development in the online market as they give rise to job opportunities for online sellers, and also provide a higher quality of video contents.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Due to the development of the digital age" -> "Owing to the advancements in the digital era"
    Explanation: Replacing "Due to the development of the digital age" with "Owing to the advancements in the digital era" enhances formality and uses more precise language, aligning with academic style.

  2. "This would result in different organizations taking advantage of social networking sites" -> "This has led various organizations to capitalize on social networking sites"
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces a more direct and active construction, contributing to a more formal and academic tone.

  3. "putting a great deal of advertising in users’ newsfeeds on social platforms" -> "placing a substantial amount of advertisements in users’ newsfeeds on social platforms"
    Explanation: Replacing "putting a great deal of advertising" with "placing a substantial amount of advertisements" adds formality and precision to the language.

  4. "Some people believe that advertising content should be banned as it has no advantages" -> "Certain individuals argue for the prohibition of advertising content, citing its perceived lack of advantages"
    Explanation: The suggested change uses a more formal and nuanced expression, replacing "Some people believe" with "Certain individuals argue," and providing a clearer explanation for their perspective.

  5. "However, I strongly believe that promotions should not be prohibited, as they are advantageous to many people" -> "Nevertheless, I firmly contend that promotions should not be prohibited, given their benefits to various stakeholders"
    Explanation: The suggested changes introduce stronger language ("firmly contend") and offer a more formal and comprehensive expression of the writer’s perspective.

  6. "There is a common belief that advertisements have no benefits" -> "A prevalent notion asserts that advertisements yield no benefits"
    Explanation: The alteration replaces "common belief" with "prevalent notion" and introduces a more formal synonym for "asserts," contributing to a more academic tone.

  7. "they can even be disastrous to certain levels" -> "they can be detrimental to varying extents"
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the colloquial expression "disastrous to certain levels" with a more formal and precise phrase, "detrimental to varying extents."

  8. "For example, on Facebook, there are a lot of accounts that are cloned or fake" -> "For instance, Facebook hosts numerous cloned or fake accounts"
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality by replacing "a lot of" with "numerous" and restructuring the sentence for clarity.

  9. "Furthermore, in recent days, most social platforms like Spotify or Youtube have made endeavors" -> "Moreover, in recent times, major social platforms such as Spotify or Youtube have undertaken efforts"
    Explanation: The suggested changes replace "in recent days" with "in recent times" for formality and replace "made endeavors" with "undertaken efforts" for precision.

  10. "putting many individuals in a scam situation" -> "placing many individuals in a fraudulent scenario"
    Explanation: The replacement of "scam situation" with "fraudulent scenario" offers a more formal and specific term.

  11. "users frequently feel unsatisfied" -> "users often experience dissatisfaction"
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces "feel unsatisfied" with "experience dissatisfaction" for a more formal expression.

  12. "making them more likely to find free apps with a higher level of gratification" -> "prompting them to seek free applications offering a higher level of satisfaction"
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality by replacing "making them more likely to find" with "prompting them to seek" and introduces a more precise term, "applications," instead of "apps."

  13. "However, I am prone to believe that advertisements have more benefits than detrimental effects" -> "However, I am inclined to believe that advertisements yield more benefits than adverse effects"
    Explanation: The suggested changes introduce a more formal phrase, "adverse effects," and a stronger expression, "inclined to believe," contributing to a more academic tone.

  14. "it can be advantageous to a lot of people" -> "it can be beneficial to a myriad of individuals"
    Explanation: The alteration replaces "advantageous to a lot of people" with "beneficial to a myriad of individuals," offering a more formal and varied expression.

  15. "this can be a strong point for these people to keep using social media as a tool for them to buy things they have a desire to buy" -> "this can serve as a compelling incentive for individuals to continue utilizing social media as a platform for their desired purchases"
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality and clarity by replacing "a strong point for these people to keep using" with "a compelling incentive for individuals to continue utilizing" and offering a more precise description of the purpose of social media.

  16. "To illustrate, Instagram or Facebook choose to track users’ activities on their platforms and then suggest relevant products for users" -> "To illustrate, platforms like Instagram or Facebook track users’ activities and subsequently recommend relevant products"
    Explanation: The suggested changes streamline the sentence for clarity and formality, replacing "choose to track" with "track" and reorganizing the structure.

  17. "This is probably a convenient tool for certain types of users" -> "This serves as a convenient tool for specific user demographics"
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the casual expression "probably" with a more formal "serves as" and introduces a more precise term, "user demographics."

  18. "it is possible to perceive that annoying advertisements can make people experience unpleasant feelings" -> "one can observe that intrusive advertisements can elicit negative emotions in individuals"
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality and precision, replacing "it is possible to perceive" with "one can observe" and introducing a more specific term, "intrusive advertisements."

  19. "and can result in more cheating situations on networking sites" -> "and may lead to an increase in fraudulent activities on networking sites"
    Explanation: The suggested change replaces the colloquial "cheating situations" with a more formal term, "fraudulent activities," contributing to a more academic tone.

  20. "Nevertheless, prohibiting advertisements is not necessarily the case" -> "However, outright prohibition of advertisements is not the optimal solution"
    Explanation: The suggested change refines the expression for formality, replacing "not necessarily the case" with "not the optimal solution."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay provides a comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the argument. It acknowledges the negative aspects of advertising but takes a clear stance in favor of its benefits. Relevant sections, such as the discussion on fraud in online shops and the positive impact on content creators, support a well-rounded response.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint within the introduction. This can demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the prompt from the beginning.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position in favor of advertising. Each paragraph reinforces the idea that advertising has more benefits than drawbacks, and this position is evident throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity, consider incorporating a thesis statement within the introduction that succinctly outlines the stance on the issue.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas with examples, such as the impact of fraud on social platforms and the positive influence of advertising on content creators. These examples are well-elaborated, providing a detailed exploration of the arguments.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider incorporating additional examples or elaborating further on existing ones to provide even more depth to the discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of advertising. However, there are moments, especially in the third paragraph, where the discussion slightly deviates to online market development and job opportunities. While related, these points could be more tightly connected to the main argument.
    • How to improve: Ensure that every point made contributes directly to the central argument. If discussing additional benefits like job opportunities, connect them explicitly to how advertising serves a useful purpose in society.

In conclusion, the essay effectively responds to the prompt, presenting a clear stance on the issue with well-supported ideas. To enhance, consider refining the introduction for a more explicit acknowledgment of opposing views and tightening the connection between supplementary points and the main argument. Overall, a strong essay that demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of logical organization. It begins with an introduction that introduces the topic, followed by body paragraphs presenting arguments both for and against advertising, and a concluding paragraph summarizing the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the clarity of transitions between ideas. Some connections between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the essay. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph logically connects to the previous and the subsequent ones.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately, each containing a distinct idea or argument. However, the structure within paragraphs could be refined for better coherence. Some paragraphs address multiple points, making it challenging for the reader to follow the logic.
    • How to improve: Focus on maintaining a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and ensure that all sentences within a paragraph contribute directly to the main point. Consider breaking down lengthy paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones to enhance readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including pronouns, conjunctions, and transitional phrases. However, there is room for improvement in the strategic use of these devices to strengthen the connections between ideas. Some sentences feel disconnected, affecting the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the use of cohesive devices, ensuring they are not only present but also strategically placed for maximum impact. Utilize transitions to show relationships between ideas, and make sure pronouns clearly refer to specific antecedents. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures for added coherence.

In summary, while the essay effectively organizes information, uses paragraphs appropriately, and incorporates cohesive devices, there are opportunities for improvement in enhancing logical transitions between ideas, refining paragraph structures for clarity, and strategically employing cohesive devices for smoother connections. These refinements will contribute to a more cohesive and coherent overall essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to use varied expressions and terms related to the topic, such as "digital age," "networking sites," "defrauders’ activities," and "comprehensive development." However, some phrases are repeated, and certain expressions lack depth, limiting the overall richness of vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more nuanced and precise terms. Avoid overusing certain phrases, and explore synonyms to express ideas in a more diverse manner. Engage with more advanced vocabulary to elevate the sophistication of your language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its ideas clearly, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "disastrous to certain levels" could be more specific in describing the negative impact of advertising. Conversely, the term "beneficial" is frequently used without delving into specific aspects of how advertisements can be advantageous.
    • How to improve: Focus on using words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of general terms like "disastrous," provide specific details about the negative consequences. When using positive terms like "beneficial," offer concrete examples or details to clarify how and why something is advantageous.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the spelling is accurate in the essay. However, there are a few instances where words like "endeavors" and "entertaining" could be improved for accuracy. Additionally, there is a minor grammatical error in the phrase "This is probably a convenient tool for certain types of users," where "probably" might not be the most accurate word choice.
    • How to improve: Proofread your essay carefully to catch minor spelling errors and choose words with precision. Consider using words like "likely" instead of "probably" for greater accuracy. Utilize grammar-check tools to enhance overall spelling and grammatical accuracy.

In conclusion, the essay exhibits a reasonable command of vocabulary, with room for improvement in terms of range and precision. Attention to detail in selecting words and refining the use of certain expressions can contribute to a more sophisticated and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to overall clarity. For instance, the writer effectively employs complex sentences in the second paragraph to discuss the consequences of fraudulent activities on social platforms. However, there is room for improvement in the diversity of structures. The essay tends to rely on a few repetitive sentence structures, and a more varied use of sentence types (compound, complex, compound-complex) could enhance the overall fluency of the writing.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures where appropriate. Introduce variety in sentence length and use transitions to connect ideas more smoothly. Experiment with different sentence beginnings and structures to add sophistication and fluency to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances where minor errors can be identified. For example, in the sentence "Due to the development of the digital age, networking sites have a growing influence in the modern world," there is a slight awkwardness in the use of "Due to the development," which could be refined for smoother expression. Additionally, the phrase "there are a lot of accounts" can be improved by using a more precise term such as "numerous accounts."
    • How to improve: Review sentence structures for clarity and fluency. Pay attention to precision in language use, opting for stronger and more specific terms. Proofread the essay to catch minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement or punctuation inconsistencies. Consider seeking feedback from peers or using grammar-check tools to enhance accuracy.

In summary, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammar and punctuation overall, with room for refinement in sentence structure variety. To improve, focus on introducing a broader range of sentence structures and carefully reviewing language use for precision and fluency.

Bài sửa mẫu

Due to the advancements in the digital era, social networking sites play a significant role in today’s society. This has led various organizations to capitalize on these platforms, placing a substantial amount of advertisements in users’ newsfeeds. Some argue for the prohibition of advertising content, citing its perceived lack of advantages. Nevertheless, I firmly contend that promotions should not be prohibited, given their benefits to various stakeholders.

A prevalent notion asserts that advertisements yield no benefits; in fact, they can be detrimental to varying extents. For instance, Facebook hosts numerous cloned or fake accounts, providing opportunities for fraudulent activities. Moreover, major social platforms like Spotify or Youtube have undertaken efforts to position ads strategically, placing individuals in a fraudulent scenario. Users often experience dissatisfaction, prompting them to seek free applications offering a higher level of satisfaction.

However, I am inclined to believe that advertisements yield more benefits than adverse effects. They can be beneficial to a myriad of individuals, serving as a compelling incentive for people to continue utilizing social media for their desired purchases. To illustrate, platforms like Instagram or Facebook track users’ activities and subsequently recommend relevant products, providing a convenient tool for specific user demographics.

While it is true that intrusive advertisements can elicit negative emotions in individuals and may lead to an increase in fraudulent activities on networking sites, an outright prohibition of advertisements is not the optimal solution. Advertisements have more benefits than detrimental effects, offering financial support to content creators, singers, and entertainment companies. The revenue generated can be an encouragement, stimulating the production of quality content that benefits both users and entertainment companies. Additionally, for those who enjoy making purchases based on advertisements, social media serves as a valuable tool for satisfying their desires.

In conclusion, though annoying advertisements can lead to unpleasant feelings and potentially increase fraudulent activities, prohibiting advertisements is not the solution. Advertisements bring benefits to many people, stimulate comprehensive development in the online market, create job opportunities for online sellers, and contribute to higher-quality video content.

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