to what extent do you agree or disagree with e-voting?

With the proliferation of technology in peoples’ daily activities, many suggest that digital devices should also be incorporated into the voting process. Personally, I agree with this statement as e-voting is way superior to the conventional means.

To begin with, e-voting is much simpler to manage and organize. Instead of counting votes manually, technology can now calculate the statistic automatically in a fraction of a second and categorize the analyzed data. The mentioned process significantly reduces the time required for an election and facilitates future inspection of recorded data. Not only does online voting support the organizing body, but it also encourages citizens to vote. Many individuals neglect their rights to vote due to the intricate process, however, when casting a ballot can be done at home with a simplified procedure, they are motivated to make use of their enfranchisement.

On the other hand, some people raise concerns about the level of security and fairness of online polling. They argue that there are possibilities the voting platform is threatened by cyber criminals. However, state-of-the-art technologies are extremely secured and those security walls are not easy to trespass. Other than that, there are also controversies about the prospective interference of profiteers that results in unfair outcomes. Nevertheless, this prospect is highly unlikely to happen as the voting organization requires the involvement of multiple parties, and any corrupt behavior can be detected promptly.

In conclusion, I concur with e-voting in light of the benefits it offers. Although there are disputes regarding the safeguarding and justice problem, they can be tackled by advancements of technology and the principles of the method.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"With the proliferation of technology in peoples’ daily activities" -> "With the widespread adoption of technology in people’s daily lives"
Explanation: "Widespread adoption" is a more precise term than "proliferation," which can be vague and less commonly used in academic writing. "People’s daily lives" is more formal than "peoples’ daily activities."
"many suggest" -> "many argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is more specific and academically appropriate than "suggest," which is too vague and informal for this context.
"Personally, I agree with this statement" -> "I concur with this assertion"
Explanation: "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "assertion" is a more precise term than "statement" in academic writing.
"e-voting is way superior to the conventional means" -> "e-voting is significantly superior to traditional methods"
Explanation: "Significantly superior" is more precise and formal than "way superior," and "traditional methods" is a more formal term than "conventional means."
"Instead of counting votes manually" -> "Instead of manual vote counting"
Explanation: "Manual vote counting" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea.
"calculate the statistic" -> "calculate the statistics"
Explanation: "Statistics" is the plural form required here, as it refers to multiple data points.
"categorize the analyzed data" -> "organize the analyzed data"
Explanation: "Organize" is more specific and appropriate in this context, as it implies a more structured arrangement of data.
"The mentioned process" -> "this process"
Explanation: "This process" is more direct and clear, avoiding the awkward and informal construction "the mentioned process."
"encourages citizens to vote" -> "promotes voter participation"
Explanation: "Promotes voter participation" is a more formal and precise phrase than "encourages citizens to vote."
"Many individuals neglect their rights to vote" -> "Many individuals fail to exercise their right to vote"
Explanation: "Fail to exercise their right to vote" is a more formal and precise way to describe the act of not voting.
"when casting a ballot can be done at home" -> "when casting a ballot can be done remotely"
Explanation: "Remotely" is a more precise term than "at home," which is too informal and vague for this context.
"simplified procedure" -> "streamlined process"
Explanation: "Streamlined process" is a more formal and technical term than "simplified procedure."
"state-of-the-art technologies" -> "advanced technologies"
Explanation: "Advanced" is a more commonly used and accepted term in academic writing than "state-of-the-art," which can be seen as overly dramatic.
"those security walls are not easy to trespass" -> "these security measures are difficult to breach"
Explanation: "These security measures are difficult to breach" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "tresspass."
"prospective interference of profiteers" -> "potential interference by profiteers"
Explanation: "Potential interference by profiteers" is clearer and more formal, avoiding the awkward construction "prospective interference of."
"can be detected promptly" -> "can be quickly detected"
Explanation: "Quickly detected" is a more natural and formal way to express the idea of rapid detection.
"I concur with e-voting in light of the benefits it offers" -> "I support the adoption of e-voting due to its benefits"
Explanation: "Support the adoption of e-voting due to its benefits" is a more formal and precise way to express agreement and justification.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position in favor of e-voting. It discusses the advantages of e-voting, such as its simplicity and efficiency, while also acknowledging the concerns regarding security and fairness. The writer presents a balanced view by addressing opposing arguments, which enhances the response to the prompt. However, the essay could have benefited from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent of agreement or disagreement, as the prompt asks for a nuanced response.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement at the beginning and reiterate it throughout the essay. For example, they could clarify whether they fully agree with e-voting or if there are conditions under which they would not support it. This would provide a clearer framework for the reader.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position taken in favor of e-voting is clear and consistent throughout the essay. The writer articulates their agreement with e-voting and supports this stance with logical reasoning and examples. However, the transition between acknowledging the concerns and reinforcing their position could be smoother to maintain clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the acknowledgment of opposing views back to their main argument. For instance, after discussing the concerns about security, they could reinforce their position by stating how the benefits outweigh these concerns, thereby maintaining a clear and consistent stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the efficiency of e-voting and its potential to increase voter participation. The writer supports these ideas with relevant examples, such as the reduction in time for counting votes and the convenience for voters. However, the support for the counterarguments regarding security could be more robust, as it relies heavily on the assertion of technology’s security without providing specific examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should consider including specific examples of successful e-voting implementations or statistics that demonstrate its effectiveness. Additionally, addressing the counterarguments with more detailed evidence or examples would provide a more balanced and persuasive argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of e-voting and does not deviate into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument in favor of e-voting, and the writer maintains relevance throughout. However, the mention of "profiteers" and "interference" could be elaborated on to clarify how these concerns specifically relate to e-voting rather than general voting processes.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the advantages or disadvantages of e-voting. Providing a brief explanation of how concerns about profiteers relate to e-voting specifically would enhance clarity and relevance. Additionally, ensuring that every point made ties back to the central argument will help reinforce the essay’s focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with a thesis statement that establishes the writer’s position on e-voting. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, with the first paragraph focusing on the advantages of e-voting and the second addressing counterarguments. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of e-voting to the concerns about security is smooth and well-executed, allowing the reader to follow the writer’s reasoning easily.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow further, the writer could include more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. For instance, starting the second paragraph with a phrase like "Despite its advantages, e-voting raises significant concerns" would clarify the transition and reinforce the contrast between the two sides of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph has a clear focus, with the first discussing the benefits of e-voting and the second addressing the potential drawbacks. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the writer’s stance, reinforcing the main argument.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could benefit from ensuring that each paragraph contains a balance of evidence and analysis. For example, in the second paragraph, the writer could expand on the concerns about security by providing specific examples or statistics related to cyber threats. This would not only strengthen the argument but also enhance the depth of the discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "not only… but also," and "on the other hand," which help to connect ideas and indicate contrasts. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, guiding the reader through the writer’s thought process.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate additional linking phrases and transitional words to enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, using phrases like "In addition," or "Furthermore," when introducing new points in the first paragraph could help to create a more nuanced argument. Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating more complex cohesive devices, such as "Despite the advantages mentioned," could further elevate the sophistication of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization, effective paragraphing, and appropriate use of cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and depth of their argument, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of e-voting. Words such as "proliferation," "incorporated," "facilitates," and "enfranchisement" showcase a solid command of language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "the intricate process" could be enhanced with synonyms like "complicated" or "convoluted" to avoid repetition and show a broader lexical range.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "process," they could use "procedure," "method," or "system" in different contexts. Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to technology and voting could elevate the essay further.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For example, the term "state-of-the-art technologies" is appropriate, yet the phrase "extremely secured" is slightly awkward; "highly secure" would be more idiomatic. Additionally, the phrase "the level of security and fairness" could be more effectively expressed as "the security and fairness of the voting process."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on collocations and idiomatic expressions. Reading more academic texts or articles on technology and voting can help identify common phrases and improve the naturalness of their writing. Practicing paraphrasing sentences using more precise vocabulary can also aid in this area.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, which contributes positively to the overall impression. However, there is a minor issue with the word "peoples’," which should be "people’s" to correctly indicate possession. This small error can detract from the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and possessive forms. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch such errors. Additionally, maintaining a list of frequently misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource, but with targeted improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling, the writer can aim for a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence effectively uses a complex structure: "With the proliferation of technology in peoples’ daily activities, many suggest that digital devices should also be incorporated into the voting process." This showcases the writer’s ability to combine clauses for more sophisticated expression. Additionally, the use of phrases like "to begin with" and "on the other hand" helps in organizing ideas clearly. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied; for example, the phrase "the mentioned process significantly reduces the time required for an election" could be rephrased for greater impact.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use passive voice where appropriate, and experiment with different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting sentences with "However," the writer could use "Despite these concerns," or "In contrast," to enhance the flow and variety of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is largely accurate in terms of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are well-structured, and punctuation is used correctly to separate clauses and list items. For instance, the use of commas in the sentence "Not only does online voting support the organizing body, but it also encourages citizens to vote" is appropriate and enhances clarity. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "the intricate process, however, when casting a ballot can be done at home" which could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate the clauses more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay attention to the placement of commas, especially in complex sentences. For example, restructuring the problematic sentence mentioned above could involve breaking it into two sentences or using a semicolon for better clarity: "Many individuals neglect their rights to vote due to the intricate process. However, when casting a ballot can be done at home with a simplified procedure, they are motivated to make use of their enfranchisement." Additionally, reviewing subject-verb agreement and ensuring consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay will further enhance grammatical precision.

Overall, the essay reflects a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining punctuation use.

Bài sửa mẫu

With the widespread adoption of technology in people’s daily lives, many argue that digital devices should also be incorporated into the voting process. Personally, I concur with this assertion, as e-voting is significantly superior to traditional methods.

To begin with, e-voting is much simpler to manage and organize. Instead of manual vote counting, technology can now calculate the statistics automatically in a fraction of a second and organize the analyzed data. This process significantly reduces the time required for an election and facilitates future inspection of recorded data. Not only does online voting support the organizing body, but it also promotes voter participation. Many individuals fail to exercise their right to vote due to the intricate process; however, when casting a ballot can be done remotely with a streamlined procedure, they are motivated to make use of their enfranchisement.

On the other hand, some people raise concerns about the level of security and fairness of online polling. They argue that there is a possibility that the voting platform could be threatened by cyber criminals. However, advanced technologies are extremely secure, and these security measures are difficult to breach. Additionally, there are controversies about the potential interference by profiteers that could result in unfair outcomes. Nevertheless, this prospect is highly unlikely to occur, as the voting organization requires the involvement of multiple parties, and any corrupt behavior can be quickly detected.

In conclusion, I support the adoption of e-voting due to its benefits. Although there are disputes regarding security and fairness, these issues can be addressed through advancements in technology and the principles of the method.