Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
With the development of technology, especially in the field of media, advertisement has become a powerful tool for corporations to promote their products on a larger scale. Therefore, it is sometimes argued that the soaring revenue from well-known consumer products illustrates the influence of advertising rather than the real demands of the public. While I partly agree with this statement, I think it is only true in the short term, and a focus on the actual goods itself is more vital in the long run.
On the one hand, whereas the bombardment of advertisements can increase the profit greatly at the beginning, it might not always reflect the actual needs of the public. This is due to the fact that the high frequency of advertising can create a false belief that a particular item is widely used by the majority of the population. But, in reality, there is a tendency among the public to purchase goods just because others have done so. This phenomenon is called crowd effect, and it usually leads buyers to rush decisions in acquiring a product without actually considering its value. For instance, thousands of people purchase a brand new Iphone every year despite the fact that their current device is still in good condition, as they are under the influence of advertising and social media to keep up with the latest trend. This can generate high revenue for the company, but does not indicate the actual need of the customer.
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that high revenue does reflect the demands of the public in the long term. A product which does not solve customers’ pain points cannot maintain high sales solely due to advertising in the long run. The customers might know your company through advertising channels and purchase once or twice, but the actual product itself is what keeps them stay. Once consumers have found an item that can alleviate their problems, they will tend to be loyal to that product, so they can buy it repeatedly without the need for advertising. For example, my mother has been a loyal customer of a small cosmetic brand called Sera for more than ten years. She first learned about this company through a leaflet, but after experiencing some of their products, she was satisfied with the benefits it brought about and became a frequent buyer ever since. Furthermore, loyal customers not only purchase products on a regular basis, but also recommend it to their loved ones, friends and colleagues. This phenomenon is called word-of-mouth effect, and it can result in generating high revenue for the company for a long period without having to invest a hefty amount of money on advertising.
In conclusion, while it is sometimes suggested that the high sales of a consumer goods indicates the power of advertising rather than the needs of the public, I can partly agree. as I believe that this would only be true in the short term, and the actual needs of people will result in the high revenue in the long run.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"With the development of technology, especially in the field of media, advertisement has become a powerful tool" -> "With technological advancements, particularly in the media sector, advertising has become a potent tool"
Explanation: Replacing "development of technology" with "technological advancements" and "especially in the field of media" with "particularly in the media sector" enhances the precision and specificity of the statement, aligning it better with academic style. "Advertisement" should be "advertising" to maintain grammatical correctness and consistency in the plural form throughout the essay. -
"the soaring revenue from well-known consumer products illustrates the influence of advertising rather than the real demands of the public" -> "the substantial revenue from well-established consumer products demonstrates the influence of advertising rather than the genuine demands of the public"
Explanation: Replacing "soaring" with "substantial" provides a more formal tone, and "well-established" is more precise than "well-known" in this context. "Genuine" is preferred over "real" for a more formal tone in academic writing. -
"it might not always reflect the actual needs of the public" -> "it may not always accurately reflect the actual needs of the public"
Explanation: "May" is more formal than "might," and "accurately" is more precise than "always" in this context, emphasizing the potential for variation in accuracy. -
"This phenomenon is called crowd effect" -> "This phenomenon is commonly referred to as the crowd effect"
Explanation: Adding "commonly referred to as" clarifies that the term is widely recognized in academic or professional contexts, enhancing the formality and specificity of the language. -
"thousands of people purchase a brand new Iphone every year" -> "thousands of individuals purchase a new iPhone annually"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "annually" is more precise than "every year" in formal writing. Also, "iPhone" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun. -
"does not indicate the actual need of the customer" -> "does not necessarily reflect the actual needs of the customer"
Explanation: "Necessarily" is more precise than "does not indicate," as it implies a conditional relationship that is more suitable for academic discussions. -
"The customers might know your company through advertising channels and purchase once or twice" -> "Customers may become aware of your company through advertising channels and purchase once or twice"
Explanation: "Become aware of" is more formal and precise than "know," and "may" is preferred over "might" for a more academic tone. -
"they will tend to be loyal to that product" -> "they are likely to remain loyal to that product"
Explanation: "Are likely to remain" is more formal and precise than "will tend to be," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"recommend it to their loved ones, friends and colleagues" -> "recommend it to their family, friends, and colleagues"
Explanation: "Family" is a more formal term than "loved ones," and the comma after "friends" is necessary for clarity and grammatical correctness. -
"I can partly agree" -> "I partially agree"
Explanation: "Partially" is a more formal adverb than "partly," aligning better with academic style. -
"as I believe" -> "as I believe that"
Explanation: Adding "that" after "as" clarifies the conditional nature of the statement, enhancing the formality and precision of the argument.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the influence of advertising on consumer goods sales. The writer acknowledges the role of advertising in creating initial demand (short term) while also recognizing that long-term sales are driven by genuine consumer needs. However, the essay could have benefited from a more explicit exploration of the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I partly agree" is somewhat vague and does not clearly articulate the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement in the introduction and reiterate this position in the conclusion. Providing a clear percentage or degree (e.g., "I agree to a large extent" or "I disagree completely") would strengthen the argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges both the influence of advertising and the importance of actual consumer needs. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be clearer. For instance, the phrase "while I partly agree with this statement" could be better supported with a more definitive stance in the body paragraphs. The conclusion reiterates the position but does so in a somewhat ambiguous manner.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly supports their overall position. Using topic sentences that reflect the main argument and linking back to the thesis statement throughout the essay would help maintain clarity and consistency.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and supports them with examples, such as the "crowd effect" and "word-of-mouth effect." The examples provided are appropriate and illustrate the points made. However, the essay could benefit from further elaboration on how advertising specifically impacts consumer behavior and sales beyond the examples given. For instance, discussing the psychological aspects of advertising could add depth to the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with additional examples or explanations. Integrating statistics or studies related to advertising effectiveness could also strengthen the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the influence of advertising versus actual consumer needs. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "loyal customers" and their purchasing behavior, while relevant, could be more explicitly linked back to the main argument about advertising versus genuine need.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument. This can be achieved by consistently referencing the prompt and ensuring that each example clearly supports the thesis. Using transitional phrases that link back to the main argument can help maintain focus.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, but clarity in position and deeper exploration of ideas could elevate the score further.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with a logical structure. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining the main points. The body paragraphs are organized to contrast two perspectives: the short-term effects of advertising and the long-term needs of consumers. Each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. However, the transition between the two main ideas could be smoother, particularly in the shift from discussing the short-term effects of advertising to the long-term implications of consumer needs.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two contrasting ideas. For example, phrases like "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help clarify the relationship between the two viewpoints. Additionally, summarizing the main point of each paragraph at the end can reinforce the logical progression of the argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points. However, the final paragraph could benefit from a clearer restatement of the thesis and a more definitive stance on the issue.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph not only introduces a new idea but also ties back to the thesis statement. In the conclusion, explicitly restate your position on the topic to reinforce your argument. For instance, instead of saying "I can partly agree," clarify the extent of your agreement and why it matters in the broader context of consumer behavior.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "for example," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow of the essay. Some phrases, such as "this phenomenon is called," are used multiple times, which can disrupt the reading experience.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "this phenomenon is called," you could use "this concept is known as" or "this behavior is referred to as." Additionally, using more advanced cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "consequently," can improve the sophistication of your writing and enhance the connections between ideas.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, achieving a band score of 7. By focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraphing, and a wider range of cohesive devices, the essay can be further improved to achieve a higher score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "soaring revenue," "bombardment of advertisements," "crowd effect," and "word-of-mouth effect." These terms effectively convey the author’s ideas and enhance the overall argument. However, there are instances where more varied vocabulary could have been employed to avoid repetition, particularly with words like "advertising" and "products."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could explore synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "advertising," alternatives like "promotional strategies," "marketing campaigns," or "advertisement" could be used. Additionally, incorporating more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text further.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "the actual needs of the public" is somewhat vague; specifying what those needs are would strengthen the argument. Additionally, the term "pain points" is appropriate in a business context, but it may not be as clear to all readers without further explanation.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to clarify and specify terms. Instead of saying "the actual needs of the public," the writer could specify what these needs entail, such as "essential consumer requirements" or "fundamental desires for quality and functionality." Providing definitions or examples for terms like "pain points" could also enhance clarity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For example, "Iphone" should be capitalized as "iPhone." Such errors, while not frequent, can detract from the professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during the writing process. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in English can further reduce mistakes.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument, but focusing on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and ensuring spelling accuracy will help elevate the lexical resource score further.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied clause types. For instance, phrases like "the bombardment of advertisements can increase the profit greatly at the beginning" and "a product which does not solve customers’ pain points cannot maintain high sales solely due to advertising in the long run" showcase the writer’s ability to construct sentences that convey nuanced ideas. However, there are moments where sentence structures become repetitive, particularly in the use of "this is due to the fact that" and "I am of the opinion that," which could be varied further to enhance the essay’s overall fluency.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For example, instead of repeatedly using "I am of the opinion that," alternatives like "It is my belief that" or "In my view" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could help in expressing more intricate ideas without losing clarity.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The grammatical accuracy of the essay is generally strong, with few errors that do not significantly impede understanding. However, there are instances of minor grammatical issues, such as "the actual needs of people will result in the high revenue in the long run," where the phrase could be more clearly articulated as "the actual needs of people will lead to high revenue in the long run." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are a few missing commas that could enhance clarity, particularly in compound sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to sentence clarity and punctuation. For example, using commas to separate clauses can help in making complex sentences easier to read. Practicing sentence diagramming could also assist in identifying potential areas of confusion or misplacement in sentence structure. Additionally, proofreading for common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, would further enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help the writer achieve an even higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
With the development of technology, especially in the field of media, advertising has become a powerful tool for corporations to promote their products on a larger scale. Therefore, it is sometimes argued that the soaring revenue from well-known consumer products illustrates the influence of advertising rather than the real demands of the public. While I partly agree with this statement, I think it is only true in the short term, and a focus on the actual goods themselves is more vital in the long run.
On the one hand, whereas the bombardment of advertisements can greatly increase profit at the beginning, it might not always reflect the actual needs of the public. This is due to the fact that the high frequency of advertising can create a false belief that a particular item is widely used by the majority of the population. In reality, there is a tendency among the public to purchase goods just because others have done so. This phenomenon is commonly referred to as the crowd effect, and it usually leads buyers to rush decisions in acquiring a product without actually considering its value. For instance, thousands of people purchase a brand new iPhone every year despite the fact that their current device is still in good condition, as they are under the influence of advertising and social media to keep up with the latest trend. This can generate high revenue for the company, but does not indicate the actual needs of the customer.
On the other hand, I am of the opinion that high revenue does reflect the demands of the public in the long term. A product that does not solve customers’ pain points cannot maintain high sales solely due to advertising in the long run. Customers might become aware of your company through advertising channels and purchase once or twice, but the actual product itself is what keeps them loyal. Once consumers have found an item that can alleviate their problems, they will tend to be loyal to that product, so they can buy it repeatedly without the need for advertising. For example, my mother has been a loyal customer of a small cosmetic brand called Sera for more than ten years. She first learned about this company through a leaflet, but after experiencing some of their products, she was satisfied with the benefits they brought about and became a frequent buyer ever since. Furthermore, loyal customers not only purchase products on a regular basis, but also recommend them to their loved ones, friends, and colleagues. This phenomenon is called the word-of-mouth effect, and it can result in generating high revenue for the company for a long period without having to invest a hefty amount of money in advertising.
In conclusion, while it is sometimes suggested that the high sales of consumer goods indicate the power of advertising rather than the needs of the public, I can partly agree, as I believe that this would only be true in the short term, and the actual needs of people will result in high revenue in the long run.