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User “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Write an essay of about 270 words to educated readers using specific reasons and examples to support your opinion that you disagree with the statement above.

User
“When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.”
Write an essay of about 270 words to educated readers using specific reasons and examples to support your opinion that you disagree with the statement above.

While the notion that success is solely a result of hard work is widely embraced, attributing success exclusively to diligence overlooks the nuanced interplay of various factors, including luck. While hard work undeniably plays a pivotal role in achieving goals, dismissing the influence of luck is an oversimplification.

Consider the tech industry, where numerous entrepreneurs toil tirelessly to innovate and create groundbreaking products. However, the timing of market trends and the emergence of disruptive technologies often hinge on serendipitous events. Entrepreneurs who find themselves at the right place and time may ride a wave of success, even if their hard work alone couldn't guarantee it. The success of many startups involves a fortuitous alignment of factors beyond sheer effort.

Similarly, in fields like entertainment or sports, where competition is fierce, luck can be a differentiator. Two equally talented individuals may work equally hard, but one might gain prominence due to a chance encounter or exposure. Opportunities often present themselves unexpectedly, and those who seize them benefit from a stroke of luck.

Moreover, societal factors, such as economic conditions and political stability, can significantly impact an individual's path to success. Hard work may be necessary, but it cannot always overcome systemic barriers or economic downturns.

In conclusion, while hard work is an indispensable ingredient for success, it is overly simplistic to discount the role of luck. Success is a complex amalgamation of effort, timing, and external factors. Acknowledging the role of luck does not diminish the value of hard work but provides a more realistic perspective on the multifaceted nature of achieving one's goals.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "toil tirelessly" -> "dedicate considerable effort"
    Explanation: Replacing "toil tirelessly" with "dedicate considerable effort" maintains the emphasis on hard work while using a more sophisticated and formal expression.

  2. "ride a wave of success" -> "experience a surge in success"
    Explanation: Substituting "ride a wave of success" with "experience a surge in success" conveys the idea more formally and avoids the colloquial tone associated with the phrase "ride a wave."

  3. "a fortuitous alignment of factors" -> "a serendipitous alignment of factors"
    Explanation: Replacing "fortuitous" with "serendipitous" maintains the meaning while employing a more precise and formal term, aligning better with academic style.

  4. "gain prominence" -> "attain prominence"
    Explanation: Substituting "gain prominence" with "attain prominence" enhances the formality of the expression without altering the intended meaning.

  5. "stroke of luck" -> "fortuitous circumstance"
    Explanation: Replacing "stroke of luck" with "fortuitous circumstance" introduces a more formal alternative while preserving the notion of unexpected luck.

  6. "path to success" -> "trajectory toward success"
    Explanation: Substituting "path to success" with "trajectory toward success" adds a level of formality to the phrase, maintaining the academic tone.

  7. "hard work may be necessary" -> "hard work is a prerequisite"
    Explanation: Changing "hard work may be necessary" to "hard work is a prerequisite" strengthens the statement by presenting hard work as an essential requirement, contributing to a more authoritative tone.

  8. "diminish the value of hard work" -> "undermine the significance of hard work"
    Explanation: Replacing "diminish the value of hard work" with "undermine the significance of hard work" offers a more formal and precise expression in the context of success and effort.

  9. "more realistic perspective" -> "a nuanced perspective"
    Explanation: Substituting "more realistic perspective" with "a nuanced perspective" adds sophistication to the statement while maintaining clarity and formality.

  10. "multifaceted nature" -> "complex nature"
    Explanation: Changing "multifaceted nature" to "complex nature" provides a concise and formal alternative, aligning with the academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It provides a nuanced perspective on the relationship between hard work and success, considering the role of luck and other factors. Relevant sections, such as the discussion on the tech industry and societal factors, support the comprehensive treatment of the prompt.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more examples from various domains, illustrating how luck interacts with hard work in different contexts. This will further strengthen the argument by demonstrating a broader understanding of the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position by acknowledging the importance of hard work while emphasizing the oversimplification of discounting luck. The stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion.
    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This will reinforce the essay’s central position and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides specific examples, such as those from the tech industry, entertainment, and sports, to illustrate the interplay of hard work and luck. Each idea is well-developed, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the essay, consider incorporating counterarguments and refuting them. This will demonstrate a more thorough exploration of the topic, showcasing the ability to consider multiple perspectives.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently stays on topic, addressing the user’s prompt without significant deviations. It maintains a focus on the relationship between hard work and success, providing relevant examples to support the argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance focus, ensure that each example directly contributes to the central theme. While the examples provided are pertinent, strive for even greater relevance and coherence between ideas.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, effectively presenting a well-structured argument with appropriate examples. To improve further, consider expanding the variety of examples, reinforcing the thesis throughout, exploring counterarguments, and ensuring maximum relevance in supporting details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the common belief about success tied to hard work, and the body paragraphs effectively elaborate on the nuanced interplay between hard work and luck. The flow of ideas is clear, with smooth transitions between paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, consider ensuring that each paragraph’s main point aligns seamlessly with the overall argument. Ensure a clear progression of ideas to strengthen the coherence of the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. Transitions between paragraphs are well-executed, aiding the overall flow. The structure within paragraphs is also sound, with a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
    • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, ensure that each paragraph has a strong concluding sentence that summarizes the main point and serves as a bridge to the next paragraph. This will contribute to a more cohesive and organized structure.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: Cohesive devices are employed appropriately throughout the essay. There is a good use of linking words and phrases, such as "while," "however," and "moreover," which contribute to the overall coherence. Additionally, repetition of key terms aids in connecting ideas.
    • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of synonyms and alternative connectors. This will add richness to the language and further strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To improve further, focus on refining the organization of ideas, ensuring strong concluding sentences within paragraphs, and experimenting with a broader range of cohesive devices for added depth.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. There is a variety of words used throughout the essay, showcasing the writer’s ability to express ideas with diverse language. For instance, the essay employs words such as "nuanced," "serendipitous," "fortuitous," and "multifaceted," contributing to the overall richness of expression.
    • How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary, consider incorporating more subject-specific terminology or domain-specific jargon related to the examples provided. This can add a layer of sophistication and precision to the essay, particularly in the discussion of industries like tech or entertainment.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision. Phrases like "dismissing the influence of luck is an oversimplification" and "stroke of luck" illustrate accurate word choice. However, there are instances where certain terms could be more precisely tailored to the context. For instance, the use of "indispensable" might be substituted with "crucial" in the concluding paragraph for a more precise fit.
    • How to improve: Continuously evaluate the fit of words within the context of sentences. Consider synonyms or alternative terms that might convey the intended meaning more precisely. This meticulous approach will ensure that each word contributes precisely to the essay’s overall message.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy. There are no discernible spelling errors that detract from the overall readability. The writer maintains consistent spelling throughout, showcasing a strong command of written English.
    • How to improve: While spelling is already strong, it’s advisable to pay extra attention to homophones or words that sound similar but have different spellings. Proofreading with a focus on such nuances can elevate the essay even further.

Overall, the lexical resource in this essay is robust, contributing significantly to the essay’s coherence and effectiveness. The suggestions provided aim to refine and elevate an already strong vocabulary to a more nuanced and precise level.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, enhancing its overall readability and engagement. There is a skillful use of complex and compound sentences, contributing to a sophisticated expression of ideas. For instance, the introductory sentence employs a complex structure to introduce the topic with nuance: "While the notion that success is solely a result of hard work is widely embraced, attributing success exclusively to diligence overlooks the nuanced interplay of various factors, including luck." The essay maintains this level of variety throughout, creating a smooth flow and demonstrating a high level of syntactic competence.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the essay’s linguistic diversity, consider incorporating occasional rhetorical devices or more intricate sentence constructions. Introduce elements like parallelism or varied clause structures to add an extra layer of complexity and style. For instance, you could experiment with inverted sentences or employ occasional use of appositives for added flair.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a high level of grammatical accuracy. Sentences are well-structured, and grammatical errors are minimal. For example, "Opportunities often present themselves unexpectedly, and those who seize them benefit from a stroke of luck" maintains grammatical precision and clarity. Punctuation is used effectively to enhance meaning and readability.
    • How to improve: While the overall grammatical accuracy is commendable, pay attention to consistency in verb tense usage, ensuring a seamless flow of ideas. Additionally, be cautious of potential typographical errors or minor punctuation inconsistencies. For instance, in the sentence "Acknowledging the role of luck does not diminish the value of hard work but provides a more realistic perspective on the multifaceted nature of achieving one’s goals," a comma after "work" could enhance readability. Always proofread carefully to catch any inadvertent errors and maintain a polished presentation.

Bài sửa mẫu

While the concept that success is solely a result of hard work is widely accepted, attributing success exclusively to diligence overlooks the nuanced interplay of various factors, including luck. Although hard work undeniably plays a pivotal role in achieving goals, dismissing the influence of luck is an oversimplification.

Consider the tech industry, where numerous entrepreneurs dedicate considerable effort to innovate and create groundbreaking products. However, the timing of market trends and the emergence of disruptive technologies often depends on a serendipitous alignment of factors. Entrepreneurs who find themselves at the right place and time may experience a surge in success, even if their hard work alone couldn’t guarantee it. The success of many startups involves a fortuitous alignment of factors beyond sheer effort.

Similarly, in fields like entertainment or sports, where competition is fierce, luck can be a differentiator. Two equally talented individuals may work equally hard, but one might attain prominence due to a chance encounter or exposure. Opportunities often present themselves unexpectedly, and those who seize them benefit from a stroke of luck.

Moreover, societal factors, such as economic conditions and political stability, can significantly impact an individual’s trajectory toward success. Hard work may be a prerequisite, but it cannot always overcome systemic barriers or economic downturns.

In conclusion, while hard work is an indispensable ingredient for success, it is overly simplistic to undermine the significance of luck. Success is a complex amalgamation of effort, timing, and external factors. A nuanced perspective that acknowledges the role of luck does not diminish the value of hard work but provides a more realistic view of the complex nature of achieving one’s goals.

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