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We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?

The necessary part of computers in ultramodern life is inarguable. Over times, their operation and eventuality have endured an unknown swell, and I forcefully believe that this trend will continue to grow as further innovative ways to use them are developed. Although some downsides live, I'm of the opinion that the benefits of computer operation far overweigh the negatives.

Computers have revolutionized our capability to perform tasks that were preliminarily unconceivable. From online banking and booking leaves to grocery shopping, the list of labor- saving conditioning is nearly endless. Given the rapid-fire pace of their elaboration and their impact on the way we conduct business, it's my conviction that this trend will continue. Consider, for case, the emergence of virtual reality technology. While still in its immaturity, it formerly has the implicit to transfigure colorful sectors, from gaming to furnishing real-life training for croakers and aviators. As computer processing power continues to advance, so will it's implicit to enhance all aspects of our diurnal lives.

Still, it's important to admit the implicit pitfalls of over-reliance on computers. So much of our diurnal conditioning is now controlled by computers that without them, ultramodern- day life would be nearly insolvable. also, computers serve as warehouses for sensitive data, and the threat of hacking poses significant trouble to our security and sequestration. nonetheless, I explosively contend that the technological improvements made possible by computers have appreciatively converted our world in multitudinous ways. The maturity of people would agree that the benefits of computer operation far overweigh any negative consequences.

In conclusion, we will probably continue to rely more heavily on computers in the future, but our lives will ameliorate as technology advances. While the implicit pitfalls of reliance on computers can not be ignored, the benefits of their operation are far too significant to ignore.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Over times" -> "Over time"
    Explanation: The phrase "Over times" is grammatically incorrect. The correct usage is "Over time," which refers to a continuous period.

  2. "endured an unknown swell" -> "experienced a significant surge"
    Explanation: "Endured an unknown swell" is unclear and awkward. Replacing it with "experienced a significant surge" provides a clearer description of the growth in the operation and eventuality of computers.

  3. "forcefully believe" -> "firmly believe"
    Explanation: "Forcefully believe" is too strong and may convey an unnecessary sense of aggression. "Firmly believe" is a more appropriate and less intense alternative.

  4. "innovative ways to use them are developed" -> "innovative applications are devised"
    Explanation: "Ways to use them are developed" is a bit vague. "Innovative applications are devised" is a more precise and formal expression, emphasizing the creative development of new uses for computers.

  5. "some downsides live" -> "some drawbacks exist"
    Explanation: "Downsides live" is an informal and awkward phrase. Replacing it with "some drawbacks exist" maintains formality and clarity.

  6. "overweigh" -> "outweigh"
    Explanation: "Overweigh" is not the standard term; "outweigh" is the correct word to use when comparing the benefits and negatives of computer operation.

  7. "preliminarily unconceivable" -> "previously inconceivable"
    Explanation: "Preliminarily unconceivable" is awkward. "Previously inconceivable" is a more natural and academically appropriate phrase to describe tasks that were once unimaginable.

  8. "labor-saving conditioning" -> "time-saving processes"
    Explanation: "Labor-saving conditioning" is unclear. Replacing it with "time-saving processes" provides a more precise and formal description of the tasks facilitated by computers.

  9. "rapid-fire pace of their elaboration" -> "swift pace of their development"
    Explanation: "Rapid-fire pace of their elaboration" is informal. "Swift pace of their development" maintains formality and clarity in describing the speed of computer advancement.

  10. "for case" -> "for instance"
    Explanation: "For case" is an informal expression. "For instance" is a more formal and appropriate way to introduce an example.

  11. "immaturity" -> "early stages"
    Explanation: "Immaturity" may imply a negative connotation. "Early stages" is a neutral and more precise term to describe the current state of virtual reality technology.

  12. "it formerly has the implicit to transfigure" -> "it has the potential to transform"
    Explanation: "Formerly has the implicit to transfigure" is awkward. "It has the potential to transform" is a more straightforward and academically appropriate expression.

  13. "colorful sectors" -> "various sectors"
    Explanation: "Colorful sectors" is an informal and unclear phrase. "Various sectors" is a more precise and formal way to refer to different fields or industries.

  14. "diurnal lives" -> "daily lives"
    Explanation: "Diurnal lives" is an uncommon and less formal term. "Daily lives" is a more widely accepted and appropriate expression.

  15. "insolvable" -> "unmanageable"
    Explanation: "Insolvable" is not a common term. "Unmanageable" is a more appropriate and clear alternative to describe the difficulty of modern-day life without computers.

  16. "explosively contend" -> "strongly assert"
    Explanation: "Explosively contend" is too intense. "Strongly assert" is a more measured and appropriate expression.

  17. "appreciatively converted our world" -> "significantly transformed our world"
    Explanation: "Appreciatively converted our world" is unclear. "Significantly transformed our world" provides a more precise and formal description of the impact of technological improvements.

  18. "maturity of people" -> "majority of people"
    Explanation: "Maturity of people" is unclear. "Majority of people" is a more appropriate term to convey the idea that most individuals would agree.

  19. "can not be ignored" -> "cannot be overlooked"
    Explanation: "Can not be ignored" is grammatically correct but "cannot be overlooked" is a more formal and commonly used expression in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both aspects of the question – the prediction of how computer-based technology will change in the future and whether it is good for us to rely on computers. However, the analysis of future changes is somewhat limited, with a focus on virtual reality technology. The essay could benefit from a more extensive exploration of potential future developments in computer-based technology.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing a broader examination of potential future changes in computer-based technology. Additionally, ensure that each aspect of the question is thoroughly explored, supported by relevant examples or reasoning.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that favors the benefits of computer operation throughout the response. The stance is consistent, with the writer expressing a belief in the positive impact of computer technology despite acknowledging potential pitfalls.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider incorporating more nuanced language to acknowledge potential counterarguments. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and add complexity to the overall argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas about the positive impacts of computer technology, with examples such as online banking, virtual reality, and the transformation of daily lives. However, the development and elaboration of ideas could be more extensive, providing a deeper analysis of the examples presented.
    • How to improve: To enhance the depth of the essay, expand on each example by providing more detailed explanations and connections to the overall argument. This will contribute to a more thorough exploration of the essay’s key ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the benefits and potential pitfalls of relying on computers. However, there are instances of language issues and minor deviations, such as the use of "ultramodern" and "croakers," which may distract the reader.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, use clear and precise language. Ensure that terms are correctly used, and eliminate any unnecessary or confusing language. This will contribute to a more coherent and focused essay.

In summary, while the essay effectively addresses the key elements of the prompt and maintains a clear stance, there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, language precision, and coverage of potential future changes in computer-based technology. Expanding on examples and providing a more nuanced exploration of the topic will contribute to a more comprehensive and well-developed response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction, presents arguments in favor of computer-based technology, acknowledges potential downsides, and concludes with a summary. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow within paragraphs. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits and potential pitfalls could be smoother, creating a more seamless progression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs and sentences. Ensure that the progression of ideas is natural and that each paragraph builds on the previous one. Additionally, clearly separate the discussion of benefits and downsides to avoid any confusion in the reader’s understanding.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively in terms of structure, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the transitions between paragraphs could be refined to create a more cohesive and interconnected flow. Some paragraphs are quite lengthy, potentially affecting readability.
    • How to improve: Break down lengthy paragraphs into smaller, more focused ones, each addressing a single idea or argument. Use transition words or phrases to guide the reader through the essay seamlessly. Ensure that the beginning and end of each paragraph connect logically to the preceding and following paragraphs.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("it," "they") and transitional words ("although," "while," "nonetheless"). However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the use of cohesive devices to create a smoother flow. Additionally, the repetition of certain phrases, like "overweigh the negatives," could be varied for better effect.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices, such as synonyms for repetitive phrases, varied sentence structures, and more transitional expressions. This will not only enhance the coherence of the essay but also make it more engaging for the reader. Be mindful of avoiding excessive repetition and aim for a balance in language use.

Overall, while the essay effectively conveys its ideas, refining the logical organization, paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a more polished and cohesive piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some varied vocabulary is used, there is room for improvement in terms of incorporating more sophisticated and nuanced language. For instance, repetitive phrases like "ultramodern life" and "diurnal" could be diversified for a richer expression of ideas. The use of more diverse and contextually appropriate vocabulary could elevate the lexical resource score.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring alternative expressions. In instances where specific terms are repeated, explore synonyms or rephrase to provide a more dynamic and engaging language. For example, instead of consistently using "ultramodern life," consider alternatives such as "contemporary society" or "modern era."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a mix of precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. There are instances where words are chosen accurately, such as "revolutionized," but there are also imprecise choices, like "unknown swell" and "preliminarily unconceivable." Precision in vocabulary is essential for conveying ideas effectively, and refining the selection of words can contribute to a more polished essay.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Avoid vague or unnecessarily complex language. For example, instead of "unknown swell," consider a more specific term like "unprecedented surge." Additionally, use words with clear meanings to enhance the overall precision of the essay.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable level of spelling accuracy, with no major spelling errors. However, there are some instances of awkward phrasing and minor spelling issues, such as "eventuality" (possibly meant to be "evolution") and "diurnal" (possibly intended as "daily"). While these are not severe errors, refining spelling and word choice can contribute to a smoother reading experience.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to word choice and spelling during the revision process. Use tools like spell checkers and proofreading to identify and rectify minor spelling issues. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or using online resources to further improve the accuracy of word selection and avoid awkward phrasing.

By incorporating a more diverse vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and refining spelling accuracy, the essay has the potential to elevate its lexical resource score. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more sophisticated and effective expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is an attempt to use varied sentence structures, including complex sentences, but the variety is limited. For instance, there is a consistent use of compound and complex sentences, but more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or conditional sentences, are missing. Additionally, some sentence constructions are awkward and affect the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range, the writer should aim for a greater diversity of sentence structures. Introduce more complex sentence constructions like inverted sentences or conditional clauses to add sophistication to the writing. Pay attention to the flow of sentences to ensure they are smooth and do not hinder comprehension. Proofreading for awkward phrasing is crucial.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays an overall acceptable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are noticeable errors throughout. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("their operation and eventuality have endured"), article use ("preliminarily unconceivable"), and preposition usage ("rapid-fire pace of their elaboration"). Punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas or incorrect placement of periods. These errors, though not pervasive, impact the clarity of the essay.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on precise and consistent use of grammar rules. Proofreading for subject-verb agreement, article usage, and preposition placement is essential. Pay careful attention to punctuation, ensuring correct usage of commas, periods, and other punctuation marks. Utilize grammar-check tools to catch potential errors. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to identify and rectify specific grammatical issues.

Bài sửa mẫu

The indispensable role of computers in contemporary life is undeniable. Over time, they have experienced a significant surge in their operation and impact, and I firmly believe that this trend will persist as further innovative applications are devised. Although some drawbacks exist, I am of the opinion that the benefits of computer usage far outweigh the negatives.

Computers have revolutionized our ability to perform tasks that were previously inconceivable. From online banking and booking leaves to grocery shopping, the list of time-saving processes is nearly endless. Given the swift pace of their development and their impact on the way we conduct business, I strongly assert that this trend will continue. For instance, consider the emergence of virtual reality technology. While still in its early stages, it has the potential to transform various sectors, from gaming to providing real-life training for professionals like doctors and pilots. As computer processing power continues to advance, it has the potential to enhance all aspects of our daily lives.

Nevertheless, it’s important to acknowledge the potential pitfalls of over-reliance on computers. So much of our daily routine is now controlled by computers that without them, modern-day life would be nearly unmanageable. Additionally, computers serve as warehouses for sensitive data, and the threat of hacking poses significant trouble to our security and privacy. However, I assert that the technological improvements made possible by computers have significantly transformed our world in numerous ways. The majority of people would agree that the benefits of computer usage far outweigh any negative consequences.

In conclusion, we will probably continue to rely more heavily on computers in the future, but our lives will ameliorate as technology advances. While the potential pitfalls of reliance on computers cannot be overlooked, the benefits of their operation are far too significant to ignore.

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