fbpx

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion You should write at least 250 words.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Some people say that modern technology has made shopping today easier, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion

You should write at least 250 words.

There has been a debate regarding whether advanced technology has facilitated the way people go shopping or not. In my opinion, shopping online has benefited us a lot nowadays.

We cannot deny the convenience that modern technology has brought about to people in shopping. Firstly, people can save time by engaging in shopping online. Rather than visiting multiple stores, which is time-consuming, we can stay at home and explore various online shopping platforms to find the necessary items. For instance, we can recline on the sofa, browse online for clothing, place an order, and have the package delivered directly to our residence. Secondly, modern shopping offers people multiple choices at reasonable prices. Numerous online stores are available, allowing individuals to select the one with the most competitive pricing and positive feedback.. For example, if we want to buy a T-shirt, we can buy it online since we can compare the prices, read comments, and pick the best one.

However, there are still some drawbacks when shopping with modern technology. One of them is that people may receive bad products. As we cannot physically inspect items in the store, we may not know the quality of them. Moreover, the retailers may potentially send us defective or wrong products that do not match their advertising. Indeed, on one occasion when I ordered white shoes, they sent me blue ones, causing considerable annoyance.

In conclusion, modern technology can either make shopping less difficult or not. However, I believe we can take advantage of high-tech shopping.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "there has been a debate regarding whether" -> "there has been a debate concerning whether"
    Explanation: Replacing "regarding" with "concerning" adds formality to the sentence, aligning with academic style.

  2. "benefited us a lot nowadays" -> "benefited us significantly in contemporary times"
    Explanation: Substituting "a lot" with "significantly" and "nowadays" with "in contemporary times" enhances precision and elevates the formality of the expression.

  3. "save time by engaging in shopping online" -> "save time by participating in online shopping"
    Explanation: Using "participating in" instead of "engaging in" maintains formality and aligns with academic conventions.

  4. "Rather than visiting multiple stores, which is time-consuming," -> "Instead of visiting multiple stores, a time-consuming process,"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, while using "a time-consuming process" instead of "which is time-consuming."

  5. "For instance, we can recline on the sofa, browse online for clothing," -> "For instance, we can relax on the sofa while perusing online clothing,"
    Explanation: Substituting "recline" with "relax" and "browse" with "peruse" enhances the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  6. "modern shopping offers people multiple choices" -> "contemporary shopping provides individuals with a plethora of choices"
    Explanation: Replacing "modern" with "contemporary" and "offers people" with "provides individuals with" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.

  7. "Numerous online stores are available, allowing individuals to select the one with the most competitive pricing and positive feedback.." -> "Various online stores are accessible, enabling individuals to choose the one with the most competitive pricing and positive feedback."
    Explanation: Eliminating redundancy and using "accessible" instead of "available" improves the sentence’s conciseness and formality.

  8. "we can buy it online since we can compare the prices, read comments, and pick the best one." -> "we can make the purchase online as it enables us to compare prices, read reviews, and select the most suitable option."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision, while using "make the purchase" instead of "buy it."

  9. "One of them is that people may receive bad products." -> "One of the drawbacks is the possibility of receiving substandard products."
    Explanation: Enhancing formality by replacing "bad" with "substandard" and restructuring the sentence for clarity.

  10. "causing considerable annoyance." -> "resulting in significant inconvenience."
    Explanation: Substituting "annoyance" with "inconvenience" elevates the formality of the sentence while maintaining clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument. It discusses the convenience and benefits of online shopping while acknowledging drawbacks such as the possibility of receiving subpar products.
    • How to improve: To enhance completeness, consider providing more depth in discussing the opposing view. For example, elaborate further on arguments against technology making shopping easier.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring the benefits of modern technology in shopping. The stance is evident from the beginning and consistently supported throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, consider providing a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction that clearly outlines your position on the issue.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas about the convenience and choices offered by online shopping. Specific examples, such as comparing prices and the incident with the wrong product, support the points made.
    • How to improve: To enhance development, provide more nuanced examples or delve deeper into the existing ones. This will add richness to the essay and further engage the reader.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the impact of modern technology on shopping. However, there is a slight deviation when the essay discusses the drawbacks, which, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the main theme.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each point made, including drawbacks, is explicitly connected to the overarching theme of how technology affects the shopping experience.

General Comments:

  • The essay effectively discusses the pros and cons of modern technology in shopping, supporting its position with relevant examples.
  • Language use is proficient, but consider varying sentence structures for added complexity.
  • Maintain focus on the prompt throughout the essay to strengthen coherence.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the topic, effectively addressing the prompt and presenting a well-supported position. To improve, focus on deeper development of ideas and maintaining direct relevance to the main theme.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the debate about technology and shopping. The body paragraphs present arguments in a sequential manner, discussing both advantages and drawbacks of online shopping. The conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between the second body paragraph and the conclusion, where a smoother segue would enhance overall coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transition phrases or sentences between the last point in the second body paragraph and the concluding remarks. This will help readers smoothly transition from the discussion of drawbacks to the conclusion.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is appropriately divided into paragraphs, with distinct ideas contained in each. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly delineated. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Continue maintaining clear paragraph structure. Ensure that each paragraph contains a well-defined topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. This approach enhances readability and helps in presenting ideas more coherently.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("Firstly," "Secondly," "However," "In conclusion"), pronouns ("we," "us"), and linking words ("For example," "Moreover," "Indeed"). These contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the use of cohesive devices is generally effective, consider incorporating a broader range of linking words and synonyms for better variety. Additionally, pay attention to ensuring that each cohesive device is used in a contextually appropriate manner, enhancing the overall flow of ideas.

In summary, the essay displays a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To improve, focus on refining transitions in specific areas, maintaining consistent paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for added variety and effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it effectively employs words related to the topic, such as "convenience," "engage," and "competitive pricing," there is room for improvement. Some words are repeated, like "shopping" and "modern technology," which slightly limits the diversity of vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and exploring more varied expressions. Instead of repeatedly using "shopping," experiment with terms like "retail therapy" or "consumer activity." This subtle variation can elevate the lexical resource.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances of imprecise word choices. For example, in the sentence, "we cannot deny the convenience," the term "convenience" might be too general. Precise language could be employed here, such as "efficiency" or "time-saving benefits."
    • How to improve: Aim for precision by selecting words that accurately convey your intended meaning. In this case, using more specific terms that capture the essence of convenience in online shopping will enhance the overall precision of the essay.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally accurate level of spelling. However, there is a minor spelling error in the phrase "convenience that modern technology has brought about to people in shopping." It should be "brought about for people in shopping."
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your work to catch and correct minor spelling errors. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar tools to assist in identifying and rectifying such issues. Developing a habit of revising your writing can significantly improve the overall spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, but refinement in vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece. Keep practicing and experimenting with language to further enhance your lexical capabilities.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is an appropriate mix of simple and complex sentences, contributing to clarity and coherence. For instance, the writer uses complex sentences when explaining the benefits of online shopping. However, a more extensive range, including compound-complex sentences or varied introductory phrases, could enhance the overall sophistication of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences and experimenting with different introductory phrases. For instance, instead of consistently starting sentences with "Firstly" and "Secondly," use a variety of transition words to add nuance and complexity.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a good command of grammar and punctuation. Sentences are generally well-structured, and grammar rules are applied correctly. However, there are a few instances of minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect clarity. For example, in the sentence "As we cannot physically inspect items in the store," a more precise phrase could be "Since we cannot physically inspect items in a physical store."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to sentence construction, ensuring that phrases are clear and unambiguous. Additionally, consider revising sentences where awkward phrasing or ambiguity arises. Proofread the essay carefully to catch any minor grammatical errors or typos that may have been overlooked.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for improvement in sentence structure diversity and precision in phrasing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There has been a debate concerning whether advanced technology has significantly benefited us in contemporary times, especially when it comes to shopping. In my opinion, shopping online has indeed made the process more convenient.

We cannot deny the convenience that modern technology has brought to shopping. Firstly, people can save time by participating in online shopping. Instead of visiting multiple stores, a time-consuming process, we can relax on the sofa while perusing online clothing, place an order, and have the package delivered directly to our residence. Secondly, contemporary shopping provides individuals with a plethora of choices at reasonable prices. Various online stores are accessible, enabling individuals to choose the one with the most competitive pricing and positive feedback. For instance, if we want to buy a T-shirt, we can make the purchase online as it enables us to compare prices, read reviews, and select the most suitable option.

However, there are still some drawbacks when shopping with modern technology. One of the drawbacks is the possibility of receiving substandard products. As we cannot physically inspect items in the store, we may not know the quality of them. Moreover, the retailers may potentially send us defective or wrong products that do not match their advertising. Indeed, on one occasion when I ordered white shoes, they sent me blue ones, resulting in significant inconvenience.

In conclusion, modern technology can either make shopping less difficult or not. However, I believe we can take advantage of high-tech shopping.

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT