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Newspapers are less important nowadays because we have up-to-date access to the news on the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Newspapers are less important nowadays because we have up-to-date access to the news on the internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people think that newspapers are less crucial than online news because of the development of the internet. Personally, I completely agree with the idea that reading online news is more popular in humans’ lives than reading newspapers because of its convenience and environmentally friendly.

To clarify, reading the news on the internet is more convenient than reading the original black-and-white newspapers. People not only do not have to purchase newspapers from the store in the past, but also can access directly to the website to watch the daily news. Thanks to the internet, they can update the news immediately instead of waiting for the late update of newspapers.

In addition, tons of paper are made from trees which is also related to wood exploitation. It obviously can cause deforestation and global warming if too many trees in the world are cut down. Therefore, reading online news can reduce the waste of papers and chemicals in the process of making newspapers. On the other hand, in order to diminish the exploitation of woods, people nowadays tend to use electronic devices as the modernist way to up-to-date the news on the internet instead of using the traditional way to receive the news by purchasing newspapers from the store. This is one of the reasons that nature is less harmed.

In conclusion, people prefer reading news on the internet not only because it is convenient but also because it has a better impact on nature. I totally agree with this. At the end of the day, people would choose the fastest way of updating news.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Many people think" -> "Numerous individuals posit"
    Explanation: Replacing "Many people think" with "Numerous individuals posit" elevates the formality of the statement by using a more sophisticated term, aligning with academic style.

  2. "Personally, I completely agree with the idea" -> "Personally, I wholeheartedly concur with the notion"
    Explanation: Substituting "completely agree" with "wholeheartedly concur" adds a more nuanced and formal expression, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.

  3. "in humans’ lives" -> "in the lives of individuals"
    Explanation: Changing "in humans’ lives" to "in the lives of individuals" provides a more formal and inclusive expression, avoiding colloquial language.

  4. "because of its convenience and environmentally friendly" -> "due to its convenience and environmental friendliness"
    Explanation: Replacing "because of" with "due to" and "environmentally friendly" with "environmental friendliness" contributes to a more formal and precise phrasing.

  5. "To clarify" -> "To elucidate"
    Explanation: Substituting "To clarify" with "To elucidate" imparts a more formal and refined tone to the transition, fitting the academic context.

  6. "People not only do not have to purchase newspapers from the store in the past" -> "Individuals no longer need to buy newspapers from physical stores"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "Individuals no longer need to buy newspapers from physical stores" enhances clarity and formality, avoiding the double negative construction.

  7. "can access directly to the website" -> "can directly access the website"
    Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "can directly access the website" improves the sentence’s flow and adheres to a more standard English structure.

  8. "watch the daily news" -> "read the daily news"
    Explanation: Changing "watch the daily news" to "read the daily news" is a more accurate representation of the activity and aligns with traditional reading practices.

  9. "they can update the news immediately" -> "they can access real-time news updates"
    Explanation: Substituting "update the news immediately" with "access real-time news updates" maintains clarity and introduces a more formal expression.

  10. "tons of paper are made from trees" -> "large quantities of paper are derived from trees"
    Explanation: Replacing "tons of paper" with "large quantities of paper" and "made from" with "derived from" contributes to a more precise and formal phrasing.

  11. "which is also related to wood exploitation" -> "a matter intricately tied to the exploitation of wood resources"
    Explanation: Substituting "which is also related to" with "a matter intricately tied to" adds specificity and formality to the statement.

  12. "It obviously can cause deforestation and global warming" -> "This can evidently lead to deforestation and contribute to global warming"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "This can evidently lead to deforestation and contribute to global warming" enhances clarity and formality.

  13. "diminish the exploitation of woods" -> "mitigate the exploitation of wood resources"
    Explanation: Replacing "diminish the exploitation of woods" with "mitigate the exploitation of wood resources" offers a more precise and formal expression.

  14. "modernist way" -> "modern approach"
    Explanation: Substituting "modernist way" with "modern approach" is a more appropriate and formal choice in an academic context.

  15. "At the end of the day" -> "Ultimately"
    Explanation: Replacing "At the end of the day" with "Ultimately" provides a more formal and conclusive transition in academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It acknowledges the shift from newspapers to online news, expresses a clear opinion, and provides reasons supporting the preference for online news. Relevant sections include the introduction, body paragraphs discussing convenience and environmental impact, and the conclusion emphasizing preference for the internet.

    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing a brief counterargument or addressing potential drawbacks of relying solely on online news. This can add depth to the analysis and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, consistently advocating for the superiority of online news. This stance is evident in the thesis statement, reiterated in each body paragraph, and reinforced in the conclusion.

    • How to improve: While the position is clear, adding more nuanced language or addressing potential counterarguments could strengthen the overall argumentation.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It elaborates on the convenience of online news and its environmental benefits with specific examples, such as the immediate news updates and the impact on deforestation.

    • How to improve: To further enrich the content, consider incorporating additional examples or counterarguments to provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently stays on topic, addressing the impact of the internet on newspapers and supporting the preference for online news. There are no significant deviations.

    • How to improve: To further enhance focus, ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt, avoiding any tangential discussions.

In summary, the essay performs admirably in addressing the prompt. To improve, consider incorporating a brief counterargument and diversifying examples to provide a more nuanced and comprehensive exploration of the topic. Maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay for an even more polished response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction sets up the main argument clearly, discussing the shift from newspapers to online news. The body paragraphs follow a logical progression, first focusing on convenience and then addressing environmental impact. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the flow between paragraphs, particularly in transitioning from the convenience of online news to its environmental impact.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader smoothly through the different aspects of the argument. For instance, a sentence at the end of the first body paragraph could introduce the environmental impact, creating a more seamless transition.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the second body paragraph is lengthy and could benefit from further subdivision to enhance readability and emphasize key points. The structure of the essay, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, is generally effective.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down the second body paragraph into smaller, more digestible segments, each addressing a different aspect of the environmental impact. This will not only improve readability but also highlight specific points for emphasis.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices adequately, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "To clarify," "In addition," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). These devices help connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to overall coherence. However, there is room for improvement in the variety of cohesive devices used. Expanding the range of connectives can further enhance the essay’s coherence.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider variety of cohesive devices, including synonyms for commonly used transitions. For example, instead of always using "in addition," consider alternatives like "furthermore" or "moreover." This variation will add nuance and sophistication to the essay’s coherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid organizational structure and coherence. To elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher band score, focus on refining the transitions between paragraphs, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, with the use of words such as "crucial," "convenience," "exploitation," and "deforestation." However, there is room for improvement, as certain terms are repeated throughout the essay, and more varied vocabulary could enhance the richness of expression.
    • How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource, consider incorporating a greater variety of synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of consistently using "convenient," explore alternatives such as "user-friendly" or "accessible" to enhance the diversity of your language.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with a fair degree of precision. However, there are instances where word choices could be more precise. For example, the phrase "tons of paper" could be refined to a more exact measurement or replaced with a term like "a significant amount of paper."
    • How to improve: Strive for more precise language by specifying quantities, using more descriptive terms, and avoiding broad expressions. In this case, specifying the exact amount of paper or using a more vivid description would enhance the precision of your vocabulary.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor spelling errors are present, such as "modernist" instead of "modernized."
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay thoroughly, paying close attention to details. Additionally, consider using spelling and grammar check tools to catch any overlooked errors. Developing a habit of proofreading before finalizing your work can significantly contribute to improved spelling precision.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a solid grasp of vocabulary, incorporating a more diverse range of terms and enhancing precision in word choices could elevate the lexical resource score. Additionally, careful proofreading will help eliminate minor spelling errors, contributing to a more polished and refined piece of writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and compound sentences, and occasional use of more complex structures. For instance, the essay utilizes conditional sentences ("if too many trees…") and includes some relative clauses. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further to enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.

    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence types such as complex-compound sentences, inverted sentences, or parallel structures. Vary the length and rhythm of your sentences to create a more engaging and dynamic prose. For example, instead of relying on straightforward sentence structures, experiment with the use of appositives or introductory phrases to add depth to your writing.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement is not consistently maintained (e.g., "People not only do not have to purchase newspapers…"). Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent use of capitalization in the phrase "Thanks to the internet."

    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Proofread for punctuation errors, particularly focusing on proper comma usage in compound sentences. In the specific case of "Thanks to the internet," ensure that proper capitalization is maintained for clarity and conformity to standard writing conventions.

In summary, while the essay effectively communicates its main points, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and addressing minor grammatical and punctuation errors would contribute to a more polished and refined piece of writing. Aim for a seamless integration of diverse sentence structures and meticulous attention to grammatical details for continued improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

Numerous individuals posit that newspapers are becoming less crucial in the lives of individuals due to the development of the internet. Personally, I wholeheartedly concur with the notion that online news has become more prevalent in people’s lives than traditional newspapers, primarily due to its convenience and environmental friendliness.

To elucidate, individuals no longer need to buy newspapers from physical stores. Instead, they can directly access the website to read the daily news. The internet allows them to access real-time news updates, eliminating the need to wait for late newspaper updates. This modern approach has made obtaining news information more efficient and immediate.

Moreover, large quantities of paper are derived from trees, a matter intricately tied to the exploitation of wood resources. This can evidently lead to deforestation and contribute to global warming. To mitigate the exploitation of wood resources, the modern approach of accessing news online is gaining popularity. This shift towards electronic devices helps reduce the demand for paper, thereby lessening the environmental impact associated with traditional newspaper production.

Ultimately, the preference for online news is not only based on its convenience but also on its positive impact on the environment. Individuals are choosing a modern approach to stay updated with news, which aligns with a more sustainable and eco-friendly perspective. I completely agree with this shift towards the fastest way of updating news in today’s digital age.

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