Scientific developments in farming always bring major benefits. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.

Scientific developments in farming always bring major benefits.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You should write at least 250 words.

In the contemporary world, opinions are divided differently about scientific enhancements in agriculture always result in primary profits. From my perspective, I totally agree with the statement and this essay is going to outline some reasons.
In the absence of advanced agricultural technologies, food shortages become a significant concern, particularly in vulnerable regions. Without innovations such as drought-resistant crops, efficient irrigation systems, or precision farming, farmers are unable to maximize crop yields, especially in areas with harsh climates or poor soil conditions. As a result, food production diminishes, leading to widespread shortages. These shortage exacerbate nutrition, particularly in developing countries where food access is already limited
There is little doubt that developing high-yield crops is a catalyst for addressing the global food crisis. As the global population continues to grow, the demand for food rises, putting immense pressure on agricultural systems. High-yield crops, which have been genetically modified or selectively bred to produce more food per hectare, offer a solution by significantly increasing productivity. This not only ensures that more food can be produced use the same amount of land but also helps to meet the nutritional needs of a growing population.
In conclusion, scientific advancements in agriculture, particularly through the development of high-yield crops and advanced farming technologies, play an essential role in addressing global food shortages and enhancing food security. I firmly believe that these developments are crucial for meeting the growing demand for food and mitigating hunger, particularly in vulnerable regions, thus bringing significant benefits to global demand.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "opinions are divided differently" -> "opinions are divided"
   Explanation: The phrase "are divided differently" is redundant and awkward. Simplifying it to "are divided" maintains clarity and conciseness while maintaining the intended meaning.

2. "always result in primary profits" -> "always yield significant benefits"
   Explanation: "Primary profits" is an unclear and informal term. "Significant benefits" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, conveying the positive outcomes of scientific enhancements in agriculture.

3. "I totally agree with the statement" -> "I strongly support this assertion"
   Explanation: "Totally agree" is too informal and colloquial for academic writing. "Strongly support" is more formal and suitable for academic discourse.

4. "this essay is going to outline some reasons" -> "this essay will outline several reasons"
   Explanation: "Going to" is informal and less precise. "Will" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, and "several" is a more precise quantifier than "some."

5. "In the absence of advanced agricultural technologies" -> "Without advanced agricultural technologies"
   Explanation: "In the absence of" is verbose and can be simplified to "Without" for a more direct and formal expression.

6. "food shortages become a significant concern" -> "food shortages become a major concern"
   Explanation: "Significant" is somewhat vague; "major" is more specific and commonly used in academic contexts to describe the importance of issues.

7. "These shortage exacerbate nutrition" -> "These shortages exacerbate nutritional deficiencies"
   Explanation: "These shortage" is grammatically incorrect; "shortages" should be plural. Additionally, "exacerbate nutrition" is incorrect; "exacerbate nutritional deficiencies" correctly describes the worsening of nutritional issues.

8. "developing high-yield crops is a catalyst for addressing the global food crisis" -> "the development of high-yield crops serves as a catalyst for addressing the global food crisis"
   Explanation: "Developing" is less formal than "the development," and "serves as" is more precise and formal than "is."

9. "use the same amount of land" -> "on the same amount of land"
   Explanation: "Use" is incorrect in this context; "on" is the correct preposition to use with "same amount of land."

10. "I firmly believe" -> "I strongly believe"
    Explanation: "Firmly" is less commonly used in academic writing than "strongly," which is more typical and appropriate for formal essays.

11. "mitigating hunger" -> "reducing hunger"
    Explanation: "Mitigating" is a more complex term that may be less clear in this context. "Reducing" is straightforward and commonly used in academic discussions about hunger and food security.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position of agreement with the assertion that scientific developments in farming yield major benefits. The author discusses the importance of agricultural innovations, particularly in the context of food shortages and the growing global population. However, the essay could benefit from acknowledging potential counterarguments or limitations of scientific advancements, which would provide a more balanced view.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider briefly discussing any potential drawbacks of scientific advancements in agriculture, such as environmental impacts or ethical concerns related to genetically modified organisms (GMOs). This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the argument.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The position is clear and consistent throughout the essay, as the author repeatedly emphasizes the benefits of scientific advancements in agriculture. Phrases like "I totally agree" and "I firmly believe" reinforce the author’s stance. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit reiteration of this position in the conclusion to reinforce the argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain clarity, consider restating the main argument in the conclusion more emphatically. This could involve summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs and explicitly linking them back to the thesis statement.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the importance of drought-resistant crops and high-yield farming techniques. These points are well-supported with explanations of their significance in addressing food shortages and meeting the needs of a growing population. However, the essay could benefit from additional examples or data to further substantiate these claims.
  • How to improve: Incorporate specific examples or statistics to support the claims made. For instance, mentioning a successful case study of a country that has implemented advanced farming technologies could provide concrete evidence for the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of scientific advancements in agriculture and their benefits. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, and there are no significant deviations from the main topic. However, the introduction could be more concise, as it includes phrases that do not directly contribute to the argument.
  • How to improve: Streamline the introduction by removing unnecessary phrases and focusing on the main argument. A more direct opening statement would enhance the clarity and focus of the essay from the outset.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With minor adjustments, particularly in addressing counterarguments, providing more specific examples, and refining the introduction and conclusion, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of scientific advancements in agriculture, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The introduction outlines the writer’s stance and previews the reasons that will be discussed. The first body paragraph effectively addresses the issue of food shortages without advanced technologies, while the second body paragraph discusses high-yield crops as a solution. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily.
  • How to improve: While the organization is strong, the essay could benefit from clearer transitions between ideas. For instance, using phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition" at the beginning of the second body paragraph could enhance the flow of ideas. Additionally, summarizing the key points at the end of each paragraph can reinforce the logical structure.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific idea. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs develop the argument, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. However, the second body paragraph could be split into two to better emphasize the distinct ideas of high-yield crops and their impact on food security.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits of high-yield crops and another discussing their role in addressing the global food crisis. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices effectively, such as "particularly," "as a result," and "without innovations," which help to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. The use of more varied linking words and phrases could enhance the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of transitional phrases such as "Moreover," "Consequently," or "On the other hand" to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help avoid repetition and create smoother connections between sentences.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 8. To further enhance the score, the writer should focus on improving transitions between ideas, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of scientific advancements in agriculture. Terms like "drought-resistant crops," "precision farming," "high-yield crops," and "nutritional needs" are effectively employed, showcasing an understanding of the subject matter. However, the vocabulary could be further diversified. For instance, the phrase "scientific enhancements" could be replaced with "agricultural innovations" or "technological advancements" to avoid repetition.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "food shortages," you could use "food scarcity" or "food insecurity" in different sections. Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions related to the benefits of technology in agriculture would strengthen the lexical diversity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "these shortage exacerbate nutrition" is imprecise; it would be clearer to say "these shortages exacerbate nutritional deficiencies" to specify what aspect of nutrition is affected.
  • How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary choices are specific and contextually appropriate. For instance, when discussing "high-yield crops," you might clarify what "high-yield" means in terms of specific metrics or benefits. Additionally, consider using phrases like "food production" instead of "profits" to better align with the context of food security rather than economic gain.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with only minor errors. However, the word "shortage" is mistakenly used in the plural form as "shortages" in the phrase "These shortage exacerbate nutrition," which should be "These shortages exacerbate nutrition." This error affects the clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common pitfalls such as pluralization and verb agreement. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or reading the essay aloud can help catch these errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with frequently used terms in the context of the essay topic can further reduce spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy. By addressing these areas, the overall quality of the writing can be enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the use of "Without innovations such as drought-resistant crops, efficient irrigation systems, or precision farming, farmers are unable to maximize crop yields…" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys the relationship between cause and effect. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "scientific advancements" and "high-yield crops," which can lead to a less engaging reading experience.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "There is little doubt that…" or "In conclusion…", the writer could use alternatives like "It is undeniable that…" or "Ultimately, it can be concluded that…". Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the overall complexity of the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "These shortage exacerbate nutrition" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "These shortages exacerbate nutrition." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the missing comma before "particularly in vulnerable regions" in the first sentence, can disrupt the flow of reading. The use of commas in lists is mostly correct, but there are instances where additional commas could improve clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and ensure that plural forms are correctly used. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences and lists, will help improve clarity. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing or punctuation issues that may not be immediately apparent in written form.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted weaknesses will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, opinions are divided regarding whether scientific advancements in agriculture always yield significant benefits. From my perspective, I strongly support this assertion, and this essay will outline several reasons.

Without advanced agricultural technologies, food shortages become a major concern, particularly in vulnerable regions. Innovations such as drought-resistant crops, efficient irrigation systems, and precision farming are essential for maximizing crop yields, especially in areas with harsh climates or poor soil conditions. As a result, food production diminishes, leading to widespread shortages. These shortages exacerbate nutritional deficiencies, particularly in developing countries where access to food is already limited.

There is little doubt that the development of high-yield crops serves as a catalyst for addressing the global food crisis. As the global population continues to grow, the demand for food rises, putting immense pressure on agricultural systems. High-yield crops, which have been genetically modified or selectively bred to produce more food per hectare, offer a solution by significantly increasing productivity. This not only ensures that more food can be produced on the same amount of land but also helps to meet the nutritional needs of a growing population.

In conclusion, scientific advancements in agriculture, particularly through the development of high-yield crops and advanced farming technologies, play an essential role in addressing global food shortages and enhancing food security. I strongly believe that these developments are crucial for reducing hunger and meeting the growing demand for food, particularly in vulnerable regions, thus always yielding significant benefits to global society.