Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.

There are numerous controversies about whether all the knowledge from scientific research should be public or some of it should be concealed. This essay aims to debate both perception and present my own take on the issue.
Supporters often argue that giving out scientific data is beneficial in many ways. It is obvious that those examinations provide mankind with essential information and raise people's awareness. For example, if a disease is breaking out, it will be useful if individuals know its origin, the ways it spreads and how to prevent it. This will put humans in a better position to fight against the illness. Consequently, having a clear perspective of the issue, individuals are aware of the drives of the disease and can take actions to minimize the adverse effects it brings about.
In contrast, some people do not concur with this opinion. They argue that some data is so vital that it should not be leaked. Some of it can be exploited for bad intentions. To illustrate, some chemicals or biological substances can be used to create weapons that pose a threat to human beings. Furthermore, some information is fundamental with an organisation. For instance, special methodologies or recipes grant a company with competitive advantages that it can employ to outweigh its opponents. The leakage of these information can lead to the loss of the company’s revenue and popularity.
In conclusion, knowledge from scientific examination should be given out for residents so that they can possess a transparent perception of the issue and be aware of it. However, not all information should be shared, there are some discoveries that can be both beneficial and adverse and others need to be allocated with carefulness.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are numerous controversies" -> "There are numerous debates"
Explanation: "Debates" is a more precise term in academic contexts, as it specifically refers to discussions or arguments about a topic, whereas "controversies" can imply a broader range of negative or conflicting views.
"all the knowledge from scientific research" -> "all scientific research findings"
Explanation: "Scientific research findings" is a more specific and formal term that accurately describes the output of scientific research, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"should be public or some of it should be concealed" -> "should be publicly disclosed or remain confidential"
Explanation: "Publicly disclosed" and "remain confidential" are more precise and formal alternatives that clearly convey the intended meaning of making information accessible or not.
"Supporters often argue" -> "Proponents frequently contend"
Explanation: "Proponents" is a more formal term than "supporters," and "contend" is a more academic verb than "argue," fitting better in an academic essay.
"giving out scientific data" -> "disclosing scientific data"
Explanation: "Disclosing" is a more formal and precise term than "giving out," which is somewhat colloquial and vague.
"essential information and raise people’s awareness" -> "critical information and enhance public awareness"
Explanation: "Critical" is more specific than "essential," and "enhance" is a more formal synonym for "raise," aligning better with academic style.
"if a disease is breaking out" -> "if a disease outbreak occurs"
Explanation: "If a disease outbreak occurs" is a more formal and precise way to express the condition, avoiding the colloquial "breaking out."
"put humans in a better position" -> "position humans better"
Explanation: "Position humans better" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "put humans in a better position."
"the drives of the disease" -> "the causes of the disease"
Explanation: "Causes" is the correct term for the factors that lead to a disease, whereas "drives" is incorrect and unclear in this context.
"can take actions to minimize the adverse effects" -> "can take measures to mitigate the adverse effects"
Explanation: "Measures" and "mitigate" are more precise and formal terms than "actions" and "minimize," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"not concur with this opinion" -> "disagree with this perspective"
Explanation: "Disagree" is a more formal term than "not concur," and "perspective" is more appropriate than "opinion" in an academic context.
"so vital that it should not be leaked" -> "so sensitive that it should remain confidential"
Explanation: "Sensitive" is a more precise term than "vital" in this context, and "remain confidential" is a more formal expression than "not be leaked."
"can be exploited for bad intentions" -> "can be misused for malicious purposes"
Explanation: "Misused for malicious purposes" is a more precise and formal way to describe the potential misuse of information, replacing the vague and informal "bad intentions."
"fundamental with an organisation" -> "critical to an organization"
Explanation: "Critical to an organization" is a more accurate and formal expression than "fundamental with an organisation," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
"can be both beneficial and adverse" -> "can have both positive and negative impacts"
Explanation: "Have both positive and negative impacts" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the dual effects of information, replacing the vague "beneficial and adverse."
"need to be allocated with carefulness" -> "require careful consideration"
Explanation: "Require careful consideration" is a more formal and precise phrase than "need to be allocated with carefulness," which is awkward and unclear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the sharing of information in scientific research, business, and academia. The first part discusses the benefits of sharing information, particularly in the context of public health, using a relevant example of disease outbreaks. The second part presents the opposing view, highlighting the potential dangers of sharing sensitive information, such as the misuse of chemical or biological data and the impact on businesses. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the importance of discussing both perspectives before presenting the author’s opinion, as this would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that each viewpoint is clearly delineated and that the author’s opinion is explicitly stated in the introduction and conclusion. Adding a brief summary of the key points of each view before stating the opinion would also help in addressing all parts of the question more comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges the necessity of sharing information while also recognizing the need for caution. However, the author’s stance could be clearer. The conclusion suggests a balanced view but lacks a definitive statement that emphasizes the author’s opinion on the matter.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help in making the stance more evident. Additionally, ensuring that the discussion throughout the essay consistently supports this position will strengthen the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and supports them with examples, such as the public health argument and the business perspective. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, while the example of disease outbreaks is strong, the discussion on business information could include more specific examples or data to illustrate the potential consequences of information leaks.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve discussing real-world cases where information sharing had significant consequences or providing statistics that underscore the importance of the arguments made. Additionally, using linking phrases can help in extending ideas logically.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt directly. However, there are moments where the language could be more precise. For example, the phrase "knowledge from scientific examination should be given out for residents" could be clearer and more formal. The term "residents" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with "the public" or "society" for better clarity.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author should ensure that all language used is precise and formal, aligning with the academic tone expected in IELTS essays. Additionally, reviewing the essay for any ambiguous terms or phrases and replacing them with clearer alternatives will help in staying on topic more effectively.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a balanced view. With some adjustments to clarity, elaboration, and precision, it could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both viewpoints, and a conclusion. The arguments are logically sequenced, with the first paragraph outlining the benefits of sharing scientific information and the second paragraph presenting the counterargument regarding the risks of sharing sensitive information. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother, as the shift from the first to the second paragraph feels somewhat abrupt. For instance, the phrase "In contrast" effectively signals a change, but a more explicit connection to the previous argument would enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift but also summarize the previous point briefly. For example, before introducing the counterargument, you might say, "While the benefits of sharing scientific data are significant, there are valid concerns regarding the potential misuse of sensitive information."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific argument, which is a strength. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and reflective of the arguments presented. It currently reiterates the main points but lacks a strong, summarizing statement that encapsulates the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the discussion but also clearly states your position. You might consider adding a sentence that explicitly states your opinion on the matter, such as, "In my view, while sharing scientific knowledge is crucial, it is equally important to safeguard sensitive information that could be misused."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example," "in contrast," and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more varied devices could enhance clarity and flow. For example, the use of "this" in the first body paragraph could be more specific to clarify what "this" refers to.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, you could use "additionally," "on the other hand," or "consequently" to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, ensure that pronouns are used clearly; instead of saying "this" in the first paragraph, specify the subject, such as "this sharing of information."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on enhancing transitions, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "controversies," "beneficial," "awareness," and "competitive advantages." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and depth. For instance, phrases like "giving out scientific data" and "leakage of these information" could be expressed with more sophistication or variety. The repetition of certain terms, such as "information," detracts from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of "giving out," consider using "disseminating" or "sharing." Additionally, using phrases like "sensitive information" or "proprietary knowledge" could add depth to the discussion.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the drives of the disease" is unclear; it would be more precise to say "the causes of the disease." Additionally, the term "leaked" in the context of sensitive information could be replaced with "disclosed" or "released" to convey a more formal tone. The phrase "the leakage of these information" is grammatically incorrect, as "information" is uncountable and should be "this information."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using terms that accurately reflect the intended meaning. Engaging with a thesaurus to find more specific words and practicing writing sentences that incorporate these terms can help. For example, instead of "some data is so vital that it should not be leaked," one could say, "certain critical data must remain confidential to prevent misuse."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with only a few minor errors. However, the phrase "the leakage of these information" contains a grammatical error, as mentioned earlier. Additionally, "organisation" is spelled correctly in British English but should be "organization" in American English, depending on the intended audience.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on common spelling and grammatical pitfalls. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing writing can help reinforce correct spelling habits. Furthermore, familiarizing oneself with the differences between British and American English can ensure consistency in spelling based on the target audience.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling can elevate the Lexical Resource score. Engaging with diverse vocabulary, refining word choice for clarity, and ensuring grammatical accuracy will contribute to a stronger overall performance.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, the use of "if a disease is breaking out, it will be useful if individuals know its origin" showcases a conditional structure effectively. Additionally, the phrase "some data is so vital that it should not be leaked" employs a clear cause-and-effect relationship. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and similar structures that could limit the overall range.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "some people argue," alternatives like "opponents of this view contend" or "critics suggest" could enhance variety. Additionally, using more complex structures, such as relative clauses or participial phrases, could enrich the text. For example, instead of "some chemicals or biological substances can be used," the writer could say, "certain chemicals and biological substances, when misused, can be weaponized."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the leakage of these information" should be corrected to "the leakage of this information," as "information" is an uncountable noun. Additionally, the sentence "knowledge from scientific examination should be given out for residents" could be more clearly stated as "knowledge from scientific research should be made available to the public." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "and others need to be allocated with carefulness" to separate the clauses more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common errors related to noun forms and subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with uncountable nouns and their correct usage can be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity. A good practice would be to read the essay aloud to identify any awkward phrasing or missing punctuation that could disrupt the flow of ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

There are numerous controversies about whether all the knowledge from scientific research should be public or if some of it should be concealed. This essay aims to discuss both perspectives and present my own take on the issue.

Supporters often argue that disclosing scientific data is beneficial in many ways. It is obvious that these examinations provide mankind with essential information and enhance public awareness. For example, if a disease outbreak occurs, it will be useful if individuals know its origin, the ways it spreads, and how to prevent it. This will position humans better to fight against the illness. Consequently, having a clear perspective on the issue, individuals are aware of the causes of the disease and can take measures to mitigate the adverse effects it brings about.

In contrast, some people disagree with this perspective. They argue that some data is so vital that it should not be leaked. Some of it can be misused for malicious purposes. To illustrate, some chemicals or biological substances can be used to create weapons that pose a threat to human beings. Furthermore, some information is critical to an organization. For instance, special methodologies or recipes grant a company a competitive advantage that it can employ to outweigh its opponents. The leakage of this information can lead to the loss of the company’s revenue and popularity.

In conclusion, knowledge from scientific research should be shared with the public so that they can possess a transparent understanding of the issue and be aware of it. However, not all information should be shared; there are some discoveries that can have both positive and negative impacts, and others require careful consideration.