some people think that the government should not spent money to support art and cultural activities, others say it is necessary to fund these activities for the benefit of the population and culture. discuss both view.

Opinion are divergent on whether it is worth for the government to allocate funding for art and cultural activities or not. While some claim that it could be a redundant movement, others argue that people can significantly benefit from art and cultural prosperities. This essay will discuss valid viewpoints of both side of the argument and state my own opinion.

On the one hand, those who oppose funding for art and culture conduce that national governments should put greater emphasis on funding for other aspect of life such as healthcare, education and living standard as these are more of a pressing issues. Funding for essential services like healthcare and education is a priority due to their direct impact on the well-being and development of individuals and communities, expenditure spent on these aspect could ensure the resident’s access to healthcare facilities and quality learning opportunities. Take those undeveloped countries as an example, it seem unfair to use the national budget on art and culture while the living standard remains low and millions of people still live in poverty and illiteracy. Furthermore, art and cultural programs are often seen as personal preference, thus, there no need for the government to allocate funding for those activities as people who have desire for those can pay for their own needs. Therefore it's more essential to recognize that art and cultural activities play a crucial role in preserving heritage and promoting inclusivity within society.

On the other hand, proponents argue that art and cultural activities play a significant role in preserving and promoting a nation's heritage and identity, contributing to the enrichment of society and the well-being of its citizens. Firstly, art and culture programs serve as main repositories of national history and cultural practices. Therefore, art and cultural activities spark the next generation interest in researching and grasping depth-insight about past life. For example, art and culture programs help to safeguard intangible cultural heritage, such as oral traditions, performing arts, rituals, and festive events, ensuring their preservation for future generations. Furthermore, investment in art and cultural programs can stimulate economic growth by attracting tourists, supporting local artisans and businesses, and contributing to the creative industries, thereby creating jobs and driving economic development.

In conclusion, while both side of the argument have its valid points, I would gravitate to the view that the government should allocate expenditure on culture and art programs as they hold significant importance for both the populace and the national culture. Since those activities reinforce the sense of national identity, and promoting an understanding of the diverse cultural practices within a society

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinion are divergent on whether it is worth for the government to allocate funding for art and cultural activities or not."
-> "Opinions are divided on whether government funding for art and cultural activities is worthwhile."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks precision and uses informal phrasing. The revised version maintains clarity while using a more formal structure and appropriate vocabulary.
"While some claim that it could be a redundant movement, others argue that people can significantly benefit from art and cultural prosperities."
-> "While some argue it may be a redundant allocation, others assert significant societal benefits from art and cultural investments."
Explanation: The term "redundant movement" is unclear and informal. "Prosperities" is an awkward choice. The revised version provides clearer language and more precise terms.
"This essay will discuss valid viewpoints of both side of the argument and state my own opinion."
-> "This essay will explore valid perspectives from both sides of the argument and present my own viewpoint."
Explanation: "Viewpoints of both side" lacks precision and uses informal language. "State my own opinion" can be refined to "present my own viewpoint" for a more academic tone.
"those who oppose funding for art and culture conduce that national governments should put greater emphasis on funding for other aspect of life"
-> "those opposing funding for art and culture argue that governments should prioritize funding other aspects of life"
Explanation: "Conduce" is an uncommon word choice. Simplifying the sentence and using "opposing" instead of "who oppose" improves clarity and formality.
"Funding for essential services like healthcare and education is a priority due to their direct impact on the well-being and development of individuals and communities, expenditure spent on these aspect could ensure the resident’s access to healthcare facilities and quality learning opportunities."
-> "Funding essential services like healthcare and education is crucial for the well-being and development of individuals and communities. Such expenditure ensures residents’ access to healthcare facilities and quality learning opportunities."
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and lacks clarity. Simplifying the structure and using more concise language enhances readability and formal tone.
"Take those undeveloped countries as an example, it seem unfair to use the national budget on art and culture while the living standard remains low and millions of people still live in poverty and illiteracy."
-> "For instance, in underdeveloped countries, allocating the national budget to art and culture might seem unjust when millions live in poverty and illiteracy, impacting their living standards."
Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and uses awkward phrasing. The revised version is more concise and clearer in expressing the point.
"Thus, there no need for the government to allocate funding for those activities as people who have desire for those can pay for their own needs."
-> "Hence, the government may not need to allocate funding for these activities, as those interested can cover their own expenses."
Explanation: The original sentence is unclear and uses informal language. The revised version provides a more concise and formal expression of the idea.
"While both side of the argument have its valid points"
-> "While both sides of the argument have valid points"
Explanation: The original uses incorrect grammar ("both side") which should be corrected to "both sides" for clarity and correctness.
"I would gravitate to the view that the government should allocate expenditure on culture and art programs"
-> "I am inclined to support the allocation of government funds to cultural and artistic programs."
Explanation: "Gravitate to" is informal. Simplifying the sentence and using "support the allocation of government funds" enhances formality and clarity.
"Since those activities reinforce the sense of national identity, and promoting an understanding of the diverse cultural practices within a society"
-> "As these activities reinforce the sense of national identity and promote an understanding of diverse cultural practices within society"
Explanation: The original sentence lacks coherence and uses awkward phrasing. The revised version offers better clarity and flow while maintaining formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "While some claim that it could be a redundant movement, others argue that people can significantly benefit from art and cultural prosperities."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction sets the stage for discussing the differing opinions, which is good. However, it lacks clarity in summarizing the main points to be discussed in the essay. Enhance the introduction by outlining the key arguments you’ll delve into, for instance, mentioning the prioritization of funding for essential services versus the preservation and societal benefits of art and culture.
- Improved example: "While some argue that funding for art and culture may seem redundant, others emphasize the substantial benefits these activities offer to individuals and society. This essay will explore the dichotomy between prioritizing essential services over cultural funding, highlighting the societal impacts and significance of nurturing art and cultural endeavors."
Quoted text: "Funding for essential services like healthcare and education is a priority due to their direct impact on the well-being and development of individuals and communities…"
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This paragraph presents a valid argument regarding the priority of essential services like healthcare and education. However, the connection between funding allocation and the impact on well-being could be made clearer. To strengthen the argument, provide specific examples or anecdotes illustrating how increased funding in healthcare and education directly enhances well-being and development.
- Improved example: "Investing in healthcare and education significantly influences individual and community well-being. For instance, increased funding in healthcare ensures accessible medical facilities, leading to timely treatments and improved health outcomes. Similarly, enhanced education funding translates to better learning environments, equipping individuals with essential skills and knowledge for personal and societal development."
Quoted text: "Furthermore, art and cultural programs are often seen as personal preference, thus, there no need for the government to allocate funding for those activities as people who have desire for those can pay for their own needs."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While acknowledging differing perspectives is crucial, this argument lacks depth in addressing the broader societal impact of art and culture. Expand on the societal benefits derived from publicly funded cultural activities, emphasizing their role in community cohesion, fostering empathy, and preserving collective heritage. Offering examples of how publicly funded cultural programs benefit society as a whole would bolster your argument.
- Improved example: "However, it’s essential to recognize that publicly funded art and cultural programs extend beyond personal preference. These initiatives cultivate a sense of community, fostering empathy and understanding among diverse populations. For instance, museum exhibitions and cultural festivals not only cater to individual preferences but also serve as platforms for intercultural exchange, enhancing social cohesion and preserving shared heritage for future generations."

Overall, while the essay addresses both viewpoints and maintains a clear position favoring funding for art and culture, there’s room for improvement in providing more specific and varied examples to support the arguments and deepen the analysis. Strengthening the connections between funding allocation and societal impact in essential service sectors and expanding on the societal benefits of publicly funded cultural activities will enhance the essay’s persuasiveness and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction introduces the topic and states the author’s position. Each paragraph follows a clear central theme, with arguments presented in a coherent manner. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, contributing to the overall flow of the essay. However, there are instances where some cohesive devices could be used more effectively, and there is slight overuse of certain connectors. The conclusion provides a summary of the main points and restates the author’s position.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure a smoother flow. Pay attention to the balance of connectors, avoiding overuse of certain terms. Additionally, maintain a consistent and logical progression of ideas within and between paragraphs. Consider more varied sentence structures to add complexity and sophistication to the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary with generally precise and fluent usage. There is an effective use of uncommon lexical items, contributing to a sophisticated overall control of lexical features. The essay showcases an understanding of style and collocation, with occasional minor errors occurring as ‘slips.’ The spelling and word formation are generally accurate, with rare errors that do not significantly impact communication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, consider incorporating a more varied and nuanced selection of uncommon lexical items. Pay close attention to word choice and collocation to minimize occasional inaccuracies. Proofread the essay carefully to eliminate any minor errors in spelling or word formation, ensuring a consistently polished and sophisticated lexical presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation: The essay showcases a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, attempting a variety of sentence forms. There is a reasonable attempt to use complex sentences, but these are not consistently accurate. Grammar and punctuation errors occur throughout the essay, though they don’t significantly hinder communication. There’s evidence of an attempt to express complex ideas but with inconsistent accuracy.

How to improve: Work on the consistency of complex sentence structures. Focus on ensuring accuracy in grammar and punctuation to enhance clarity and coherence. Review the essay for errors and revise for more precise expression of ideas. Practicing various sentence structures and paying attention to grammar rules can elevate the score to a higher band.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions diverge on whether the government should allocate funds for art and cultural activities. Some argue that it might be an unnecessary expenditure, while others assert that people can greatly benefit from cultural enrichment. This essay will explore both perspectives and present my own stance.

On one hand, those against funding for art and culture argue that national governments should prioritize other essential aspects of life, such as healthcare, education, and living standards, as these are more pressing issues. Investment in essential services like healthcare and education directly impacts the well-being and development of individuals and communities. Allocating resources to these areas ensures residents’ access to healthcare facilities and quality learning opportunities. In underdeveloped countries, where living standards are low, and millions still grapple with poverty and illiteracy, diverting the national budget to art and culture may seem unfair. Moreover, art and cultural programs are often viewed as personal preferences, suggesting that individuals who desire such activities can cover their own expenses. However, it is essential to recognize that art and cultural activities play a crucial role in preserving heritage and promoting inclusivity within society.

On the other hand, proponents argue that art and cultural activities are vital for preserving and promoting a nation’s heritage and identity, contributing to the enrichment of society and the well-being of its citizens. Art and culture programs serve as significant repositories of national history and cultural practices, sparking the interest of the next generation in researching and gaining in-depth insight into the past. For instance, these programs help safeguard intangible cultural heritage, such as oral traditions, performing arts, rituals, and festive events, ensuring their preservation for future generations. Furthermore, investment in art and cultural programs can stimulate economic growth by attracting tourists, supporting local artisans and businesses, and contributing to the creative industries, thereby creating jobs and driving economic development.

In conclusion, while both sides of the argument have valid points, I am inclined to the view that the government should allocate expenditure on cultural and art programs. These activities hold significant importance for both the populace and national culture as they reinforce the sense of national identity and promote an understanding of diverse cultural practices within society.