Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mible phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

How to balance the dependence of technological gadgets in order not to lead to a decline in the young's reading and writing skills is a difficult issue worldwide.
It is the opinion of this writer that it is better to limit the increase in the use of computers and mobile phones due to text – based abbreviated languages and lack of time -consuming for reading books.

It is vital to understand thay using smart devices negatively affect’s the young writing skills. Due to the fact that, many applications limit the number of characters an individual can use at a time, numerous teenagers take full advantage of their limited space by using cyber – slang terms like LOL as laugh out loud or IDK as I do not know. As a consequence, many students write misspelled words in handwriting assignments and meet trouble in correcting them.

Another key component of the case for the high use of digital devices is understand young people’s reading skills. It should be self-evident that teenagers
nowadays have more and better access to electronic gadgets, they probably spend their spare time using computers rather than reading printed texts. For example, many male students in Vietnam, their time for reading textbooks is sacrificed for a few more hours of playing video games.

To sum up, it can be seen that the growing use of computers and mobile phones lead to a decline in young generations's writing and reading skills. Therefore, it has been demonstrated that
minimizing the time spent using intelligent devices is essential.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"How to balance the dependence of technological gadgets" -> "How to mitigate the dependence on technological gadgets"
Explanation: "Mitigate" is a more precise and formal term than "balance," which is vague and less commonly used in academic contexts to describe reducing the negative effects of dependence.
"in order not to lead to a decline" -> "to avoid a decline"
Explanation: "To avoid a decline" is more direct and concise, enhancing the formal tone and clarity of the sentence.
"the young’s reading and writing skills" -> "the young people’s reading and writing skills"
Explanation: Adding "people" corrects the possessive form, ensuring grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"limit the increase in the use of computers and mobile phones" -> "curtail the proliferation of computer and mobile phone use"
Explanation: "Curtail the proliferation" is a more precise and formal way to describe limiting the spread or increase of something, fitting better in an academic context.
"text – based abbreviated languages" -> "text-based abbreviations"
Explanation: "Text-based abbreviations" is a more specific and accurate term, avoiding the awkward and unclear "languages."
"lack of time -consuming for reading books" -> "lack of time for reading books"
Explanation: Removing the hyphen and correcting the phrase to "lack of time" improves readability and grammatical correctness.
"It is vital to understand thay" -> "It is essential to recognize that"
Explanation: "Recognize that" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "understand that," and "thay" is a typographical error.
"negatively affect’s" -> "negatively affects"
Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement error from "affect’s" to "affects."
"many applications limit the number of characters" -> "many applications restrict the number of characters"
Explanation: "Restrict" is a more precise term than "limit" in this context, enhancing the formal tone.
"cyber – slang terms like LOL as laugh out loud or IDK as I do not know" -> "cyber-slang terms such as ‘LOL’ (laugh out loud) or ‘IDK’ (I do not know)"
Explanation: Using quotation marks and providing the full phrases clarifies the examples and adheres to formal writing standards.
"meet trouble in correcting them" -> "encounter difficulties in correcting them"
Explanation: "Encounter difficulties" is a more formal and precise expression than "meet trouble," which is colloquial.
"understand young people’s reading skills" -> "understand the reading skills of young people"
Explanation: Reordering the phrase improves clarity and flow, making it more suitable for formal writing.
"nowadays have more and better access" -> "now have greater access"
Explanation: "Now have greater access" simplifies and clarifies the phrase, removing redundancy and enhancing formality.
"a few more hours of playing video games" -> "a few more hours of playing video games"
Explanation: Removing the unnecessary space before "a" corrects the punctuation and maintains the formal tone.
"young generations’s" -> "young people’s"
Explanation: Corrects the possessive form to "young people’s" for grammatical accuracy.
"minimizing the time spent using intelligent devices" -> "reducing the time spent using intelligent devices"
Explanation: "Reducing" is a more precise and formal term than "minimizing" in this context, aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the negative effects of technology on young people’s reading and writing skills. The writer clearly states their position that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones is detrimental. However, the response could benefit from a more nuanced discussion of the extent of this impact. For instance, while the essay mentions negative effects, it does not explore any potential counterarguments or acknowledge that technology might also have positive effects on literacy skills, such as access to diverse reading materials online.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider addressing both sides of the argument. This could involve acknowledging some benefits of technology, such as improved access to information and the potential for interactive reading experiences, before reiterating their stance. This balanced approach would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the increasing use of technology, which is commendable. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat undermined by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, such as "the young’s reading and writing skills" and "the growing use of computers and mobile phones lead to a decline." These issues can distract from the overall argument and make it harder for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning.
- How to improve: To ensure a clearer position, the writer should focus on refining their language and correcting grammatical errors. Using straightforward language and ensuring subject-verb agreement will enhance clarity. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can reinforce the position taken throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the negative impact of technology on writing and reading skills, such as the use of cyber-slang and the time spent on video games instead of reading. However, these points are not fully developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, the claim about misspelled words could be strengthened with specific examples or statistics that illustrate the extent of the issue.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. This could include citing studies or surveys that demonstrate the impact of technology on literacy skills or providing more specific anecdotes that illustrate the points being made. Additionally, expanding on each idea with further explanation would help to extend the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the effects of technology on reading and writing skills. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of "male students in Vietnam" could be seen as too specific and not necessarily relevant to the broader argument about young people in general. This could lead to a perception of the argument being less universally applicable.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and anecdotes are relevant to the overall argument about young people’s literacy skills. It may be beneficial to use more general examples or to clarify how specific cases relate to the larger issue. Keeping the discussion broad and applicable to a wider audience will strengthen the essay’s relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the issue, arguing that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones negatively affects young people’s reading and writing skills. The introduction effectively sets the context and states the writer’s opinion. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the second paragraph discusses the impact on writing skills but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and transitions to guide the reader through the argument. The connection between the points made about writing and reading skills could also be more explicitly articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the thesis statement. Additionally, ensure that each point logically follows from the previous one, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to link ideas. This will help the reader follow the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs themselves could be more effectively structured. For example, the second paragraph begins with a general statement but then dives into specific examples without a clear transition. The third paragraph also lacks a strong opening that ties back to the thesis, making it feel somewhat disjointed from the previous content.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of that paragraph. Following the topic sentence, provide supporting details and examples that reinforce the main idea. Additionally, consider concluding each paragraph with a sentence that summarizes the point made and links it back to the overall argument, ensuring cohesion throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "due to the fact that" and "for example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is limited, and some phrases are awkward or repetitive. For instance, the phrase "due to the fact that" could be simplified to "because," which would enhance clarity and conciseness. Additionally, there are instances where cohesive devices are missing, leading to abrupt transitions between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," "In contrast," and "As a result." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help in becoming more comfortable with their application.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective word choices such as "technological gadgets," "cyber-slang," and "intelligent devices." However, the overall range is limited, as many phrases are repetitive or overly simplistic. For instance, the phrase "young people’s reading and writing skills" is used in a straightforward manner without variation. The use of "many" and "numerous" is also repeated, which detracts from the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more sophisticated expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "many," alternatives like "a plethora of," "a significant number of," or "a multitude of" could be employed. Additionally, using more precise terms related to the topic, such as "literacy skills" instead of "reading and writing skills," could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the young" and "the high use of digital devices." The phrase "the young" is vague and could be more accurately expressed as "young people" or "youth." Furthermore, the phrase "high use of digital devices" could be better articulated as "excessive reliance on digital devices," which conveys a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that accurately convey their intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences to clarify the subject and context. For instance, instead of saying "the growing use of computers and mobile phones lead to a decline," it could be revised to "the increasing reliance on computers and mobile phones contributes to a decline in literacy skills."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact the overall quality, such as "mible" instead of "mobile," "thay" instead of "that," and "affect’s" instead of "affects." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling habits. It may also be beneficial to familiarize oneself with commonly misspelled words, particularly those relevant to the essay’s topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with relevant vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in terms of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, sentences like "It is the opinion of this writer that it is better to limit the increase in the use of computers and mobile phones due to text – based abbreviated languages and lack of time -consuming for reading books" show an attempt at complexity but are somewhat convoluted. The use of phrases such as "Due to the fact that" and "It should be self-evident that" indicates an effort to use more complex structures, but these phrases are often overused and can lead to awkward constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentence forms, such as relative clauses (e.g., "which can lead to…"), conditional sentences (e.g., "If young people continue to rely on technology…"), and varied sentence openings (e.g., starting with adverbial phrases). Practicing combining sentences and using different conjunctions can also help diversify sentence structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impede clarity. For example, "thay" should be "that," and "affect’s" should be "affects." The phrase "due to the fact that, many applications limit" incorrectly uses a comma after "that." Additionally, the sentence "For example, many male students in Vietnam, their time for reading textbooks is sacrificed for a few more hours of playing video games" is a run-on sentence and lacks proper punctuation. There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "young generations’s," which should be "young generation’s."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct use of possessives. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially with commas and apostrophes, will enhance clarity and coherence in writing.

In summary, while the essay presents a relevant argument, improving the variety of sentence structures and addressing grammatical and punctuation errors will significantly enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing. Regular practice and revision can lead to a stronger command of English grammar and a more sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

How to mitigate the dependence on technological gadgets in order to avoid a decline in young people’s reading and writing skills is a challenging issue worldwide. It is the opinion of this writer that it is better to curtail the proliferation of computers and mobile phones due to text-based abbreviations and a lack of time for reading books.

It is essential to recognize that using smart devices negatively affects young people’s writing skills. Many applications restrict the number of characters an individual can use at a time, leading numerous teenagers to take full advantage of their limited space by using cyber-slang terms such as “LOL” (laugh out loud) or “IDK” (I do not know). As a consequence, many students write misspelled words in their handwriting assignments and encounter difficulties in correcting them.

Another key component of the case against the high use of digital devices is understanding the reading skills of young people. It should be self-evident that, nowadays, teenagers have greater access to electronic gadgets, and they probably spend their spare time using computers rather than reading printed texts. For example, many male students in Vietnam sacrifice their time for reading textbooks for a few more hours of playing video games.

To sum up, it can be seen that the growing use of computers and mobile phones leads to a decline in the reading and writing skills of young generations. Therefore, it has been demonstrated that reducing the time spent using intelligent devices is essential.